What Dreams May Come
by dreamscaper13
Summary: Sheppard wasn't looking for this kind of headache. But when the literal woman of his dreams comes along, will he really have a choice? Sheppard/OC. Took some liberties with the history of SG1 to create the new character. I don't own SGA,SG1. OC is mine
1. Chapter 1

**What Dreams May Come**

John wanted to cry out, but he bit back, stifling the yell of frustration in the fear it would open a floodgate and he would do something stupid. Something he would regret. That's what he kept telling himself, "it's a mistake," "you'll regret it." And then there was the doubt. What if he didn't regret it? What if he fell further in, only to get hurt worse later? To a lesser degree, there was a niggling doubt that she did not feel the same way, that she would reject his offer. That doubt was quickly banished by the memory of his-_their_-latest dream. In his desperation, he forgot for a moment that he was not allowed to act, even if he chose to.

She had barely been a member of his team for a year. He had known his other team members, McKay, Teyla and Ronon, for much longer and they had faced more together. But she knew him the best. He bit back a bitter laugh. He knew her just as well. Every look, every movement, tone of voice, expression, touch... he knew. Just when he thought they could not know each other better, she would surprise him, revealing yet another side of herself. He would marvel in it, and each time, he felt a moment of shock, both at the revelation she would share and with the fact that he would return the revelation with one of his own.

He knew what rumors were going around the city. He knew they were similar to the rumors that had been around for years regarding himself and Teyla. But the rumor mill could never guess what was really going on and this was not Teyla. No, Teyla he had initially been attracted to but grown to love as a friend and sister. Miranda was different. And though they had never discussed it, not in real life anyway, he knew she felt the same way for him. God, it was so much easier two months ago. Two months ago they had not realized they were sharing dreams. Sure, there had been the odd statements she had made, letting him know that she knew little things about him that he couldn't recall telling her. Except in a dream. Those instances had been brushed off as flukes.

**Chapter 1**

When she first arrived in Atlantis, he almost shot her. Probably not the best way to greet someone who traveled across two galaxies to save one of your best friends, but then John was never known for going by the rules. He had heard a lot about her in the last two weeks, mostly from McKay and Woolsey. Woolsey seemed a bit nervous about her visit to Atlantis. McKay was irritated that "someone like that" was ever made a member of SG1. "Someone like that" being a social worker from Denver with no scientific or military background. Both were nervous that a Go'uld would be in Atlantis, and John certainly shared that sentiment, though he felt a little relieved that Teal'c was coming along to babysit her.

The entire scene occured quickly. The Daedalus beamed Teal'c and Miranda Baxter into the gateroom. She no more than turned to smile at the small group gathered to greet her, John, Teyla, Rodney and Woolsey, when the control console burst up from the floor directly in front of her. The last time that happened, Helia had used it to lock them out of Atlantis' systems and force them from the city. Now, a Go'uld was about to take control. "_Fuck, that's not happening_," John thought. The console had barely stopped moving and his 9mm was aimed at her heart. In his peripheral vision, he could see that Teyla and both the gateroom guards also had their weapons pointed at her. It took McKay a few seconds to catch up with the situation, but eventually he raised his weapon and began chanting "this is bad, this is so very bad, this is-" Teyla shushed him, which John was grateful for. What amazed the staff in the gateroom was the look of amusement that was on her face. The smile she had given in greeting had not reached her eyes and had obviously been forced. But point a gun and threaten to shoot her, and she finds it amusing. "_Huh_," John thought, "_must be the snake_." He snuck a look at Teal'c, who had one eyebrow raised and looked faintly annoyed. Or constipated, it was hard to tell.

"I take it this doesn't happen for everyone who shows up in Atlantis?" Baxter broke the silence.

Teal'c replied "indeed, it did not when I last visited" at the same time McKay recovered his voice and began his nervous ranting "Of course it doesn't! Why else would we respond like that? Even a social worker should be able to figure that out! And don't think we're not on to you. I know you have to intentionally raise the control console. What are you planning? I bet-oh God, it's the Go'uld isn't it? It is! You've fooled everyone into thinking it was dead and the whole time it's been an act to get to Atlantis and get your snaky little hands on Ancient technology! You probably want to take over Pegasus since you all got your asses kicked in the Mil-"

Teyla put a hand on Rodney's shoulder and said "I think it is time to be silent Rodney and let her explain." John thought that was a great idea, especially since the Go'uld, or Baxter, or whoever the fuck it was, started looking pissed about the time McKay accused her of still being under the control of the Go'uld.

Woolsey finally decided he should speak up, what with being the leader and everything. "Miss Baxter, would you please explain why you raised the console?"

Baxter glanced at Woolsey but looked at John while she answered. "I didn't raise it, not intentionally anyway. It just popped up. And what is with the singing?"

"Singing?" Woolsey and Teyla asked while Rodney mumbled "great, a Go'uld with auditory hallucinations."

At this, Baxter tensed and moved to go for McKay, but Teal'c grabbed her arms. Her eyes flashed gold for a moment. She spoke quietly but, even if you had been too far away to hear her words, her intent was written on her face. "McKay, you can think whatever you want about me, and I don't give a flying fuck what you say behind my back. But don't you ever let me hear you call me a Go'uld again. I may be stuck with the snake in my head but I am _not_ Go'uld." Rodney paled considerably but kept his mouth shut for once.

She wrenched her arms from Teal'c and stepped up to the console and slammed her right hand onto it. John stepped closer and tightened his finger on the trigger. "Stop!" he yelled.

"I am simply instructing Atlantis to leave herself in yours and Woolsey's capable hands. Here, verify it." Knowing his marines and Teyla would fire if needed, he lowered his weapon just enough to be out of her grabbing range and stepped up and put his hand onto the console. Atlantis seemed chaotic for a moment and then he realized he was listening to an argument. Atlantis was trying to give complete control of the city to Baxter. And Baxter, well, she was telling Atlantis that she did not want control. "_Please_," he heard say in his mind, "_This is not why I am here._" John joined in then, addressing Atlantis "_please stay in our control, stay with me,_" not above begging if needed. A second later the noise in his head quieted and the console lowered. He opened his eyes and Baxter was staring at him with curiosity. Whispering, she asked "The singing... that was her?" John never heard singing, just humming, but he nodded yes, as they were similar. Baxter blinked, said "she talks to you..." in awe. "Nice."

Baxter's face became hard again and she turned to the group that still had their weapons pointed at her. "Where's my patient?" Woolsey looked to John, who nodded his confirmation that Baxter had left the city in their control. Weapons were slowly lowered.

"Right this way, Miss Baxter." Woolsey turned to lead her to the infirmary, as she was obviously not interested in introductions.

"I thought we moved beyond titles the last time we met. Call me Baxter, Randi or Miranda, Dick."

Woolsey grimaced at that, and opened his mouth to speak but decided against it and kept quiet. John and Teyla exchanged a look and John wondered if he could get away with calling Richard Woolsey Dick.

The walk to the infirmary was short, made more so because both Teal'c and Baxter seemed to have a quick gait. The infirmary staff stepped aside to let their group walk to the isolation area that Ronon was being held in. Not that he was contagious, but Keller had placed him on a suicide watch after a scalpel had gone missing and been found under his sheet. Miranda Baxter walked into the infirmary like she knew exactly where she was going. However, when she reached the door to Ronon's room, she politely knocked before opening the door with a thought and asking if she could come in. There was no answer and John wasn't expecting one. Ronon had taken to staring at the ceiling, which seemed to provide him with more comfort than his friends were able to.

Baxter walked to Ronon's bedside. "Hey. My name's Miranda Baxter. Most people call me Randi." She didn't smile or try to sound encouraging, just factual. John wasn't surprised when Ronon didn't respond. He only heard Miranda because he had come to stand opposite her at Ronon's side. She told him "I'll stay or I'll go, it's up to you, but you have to actually make a decision here. If you keep your trap shut, I am stubborn enough to just sit here till you make up your mind." Ronon's jaw tightened a bit, and eventually he bit out "stay."

John held back a small sigh of relief in hearing Ronon make that decision-it showed he still had hope. Baxter-_Randi_-looked at John and motioned with her head toward the door, indicating he should leave. His reaction was immediate, "I'm staying."

"Everyone out. Ronon and I need to have a talk. You can make sure I'm not trying to kill him from the observation lounge. I'm sure that glass isn't bulletproof. Feel free to shoot me if I do something that looks suspiciously evil." The last part she said in a bored tone, as if having said it a hundred times before. John narrowed his eyes and leaned towards her over Ronon's bed, intending to tell her off but Ronon's voice cut through his anger. "Sheppard, go. I got this." When he saw John once again open his mouth, he grabbed his arm and shot him a look that might have sent Sheppard running in other circumstances. Instead, he tried to catch Baxter's eye, but she was just staring at the wall, ignoring him. He took the rest of their group, minus Keller, with him to the observation room overlooking the isolation room. Teyla and Rodney stood next to him, the three of them grounding each other. Here they had front row seats to what would either be their friend's best moment, or his most devastating. _Please, _he thought to no one in particular,_ let this work. He's been through too much shit in his life to have to go through this too. _He leaned against the wall, facing the scene below and settled in to await the fate of his friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"I thought she said they needed to talk. Why aren't they talking? She's not even doing anything! And she wouldn't even listen to you," Rodney exclaimed to Keller. Jennifer had tried to give Baxter a rundown on Ronon's condition, but she had waved the doctor away, saying the info was not necessary to perform the healing work.

Teal'c answered Rodney in his typical calm fashion, "Miranda knows what she is doing. She has performed many healings and is skilled at healing the mind as well as the body. You must give them time."

"How much time?" Woolsey looked concerned and John had a fleeting thought that he cared about what the IOA would think of him for letting a Go'uld stay too long. He knew that wasn't fair, that Woolsey had grown fond of Ronon, but there was still that undercurrent of distrust. John distracted himself from the lack of activity in the room below by replaying the events that got them to this moment. They had sent the standard databurst through the gate to Earth three weeks prior. It included the grim report of Ronon's injuries. John had it memorized, as it was burned into his mind by guilt.

_While on our standard quarterly trade mission to the Mican homeworld of P4X-327, the leaders of the tribe informed the Atlantis Team, consisting of Lt Col John Sheppard, Dr. Rodney McKay, Teyla Emmagen and Ronon Dex, that the trade items were not ready, as the bridge connecting the village and gate to the fields on the other side of the river had been damaged in a storm. In an effort to strengthen trade relations, Lt Col Sheppard offered physical labor to assist in repairs. ...Sheppard and Dex were securing a beam when a local called for assistance in securing another beam. Sheppard left Dex in order to assist the local. Prior to reaching the local, the beam fell, colliding with Dex's beam and causing it fall on him, pinning him to the ground. Dex was unconscious and unable to assist in an assessment of his injuries. A jumper was called and Dex was evacuated to Atlantis for emergent medical care..._

He left out that Ronon encouraged him to help the local man and that he ignored his instinct to stay. Maybe if he had, he would have seen the beam coming and been able to get Ronon out of the way. Dr. Keller told him to be grateful he's alive, but he knows Ronon doesn't feel that way. Keller's report was to the point, and more than a little depressing.

_Mr. Dex suffered a complex crush injury of the spinal cord at the level of T10, resulting in complete paralysis of both lower extremeties and the torso below below the point of injury. Surgical intervention proved unsuccessful in repairing the damage to the cord and nerves. Barring any sudden advancement in medical technology, Mr. Dex's prognosis for regaining any level of function is poor. _

Rodney had spent all of his time digging through the Ancient database to try to locate some type of technology that could heal Ronon. Last week, Ronon asked him for help in taking his own life, telling John that he would rather die young and having fought well than live to be old in a body that could not fight. Later that night, John asked Rodney to secretly start working on reactivating the Ancient device that altered McKay's DNA last year to the point that he was able to heal Zelenka. McKay had suggested it earlier that day but Woolsey had shot the idea down as being too dangerous, even though Rodney insisted they could reverse the process once Ronon was healed. Rodney told him last night that it would be ready in a couple of days. John was trying to come up with a way to tell Major Lorne that he would be in temporary command without telling him why. He didn't think Lorne would actually say anything. Hell, he'd probably wish him luck and offer to distract Woolsey. But John's a good commander, and while he's willing to disobey orders to save a teammate, he's not willing to ask anyone else to do so. So he has been distracting himself by thinking about what to tell Lorne and has been resolutely ignoring the fact that he has not ruled out performing the one favor that Ronon has ever asked of him.

John came back to the present when Ronon turned to look at Miranda, which she seemed to take as an invitation to speak. The intercom had been activated, so he and the others listened in. "Have they told you why I'm here?"

"Yeah, said you're going to try to fix me."

"Right." She reached to her belt and pulled off a device that fit in her palm and was dominated by a crystal. "Do you know what this is?" Ronon shook his head and she began to explain, "Everything is made of energy and all things made of energy can interact and even influence each other. That's Energy 101. I'm sure McKay can go into greater detail if you're interested." Rodney opened his mouth to speak but was silenced with a look from Teyla. John couldn't help a small grin when he saw the disappointed look on McKay's face. Miranda continued "This is a Go'uld healing device that basically works as an amplifier for energy. I hold it over you and concentrate on directing my energy and intention to heal you through the crystal, which amplifies it and directs it to the areas of your body that are injured or ill."

"You give me your energy? Does it hurt you?"

"Nope, but it may make me a little tired or hungry. No worries though, I'll be fine. What you really need to know though is that this may not work. There are three possible outcomes. One is it'll work and you're as good as new, so great. Two is it doesn't work at all. Three is it restores you partially, maybe just enough that you can feel pain or that you can move your legs with a lot of effort but never be able to run or fight again. Which would, of course, still suck." She stopped and let Ronon consider her words.

He didn't take long and none of his team members were surprised when he took a breath and said "just do it. I'd rather try and get nothing than not try at all. What do I do?"

"Nothing, just get in a comfortable position and don't fight it." After he leaned back and adjusted his pillow, she set the healing device beside him on the bed and brought her left hand to hover a few inches above his head. Noticing his look, she explained, "Before I was taken as a host I was trained in alternative healing methods by people on Earth and by the Nox. I can't really heal with my hands very well but I can read energy so that's what I'm going to start with." She placed her hand above his head again and her eyes became unfocused. She began moving her hand slowly down his body, without ever touching him. She stopped briefly over his shoulder and then over his torso, where his injury occurred. Above them in the observation room, Rodney scoffed "What kind of new age crap is this? Any voodoo priestess can wave her hands. Use the healing device, that's why you're here." Ronon glared at McKay but Miranda ignored him, instead moving her hand back over his body, stopping at his shoulder.

"What did you do to your shoulder?" At his surprised look, she said "it's old but it did not heal just right. We need to fix it first, so it won't draw energy away from your back."

John couldn't help it-he wanted to see if Ronon would react at all-"Hey buddy, guess you're sorry now that you popped your own shoulder back in when you dislocated it." He was pleased to see Ronon grunt and roll his eyes, as that was more than he had seen from his friend in the last couple days.

She held the device over his shoulder and it began to glow. Only about 10 seconds later she lowered it to hover over his abdomen, at the location of the spinal injury. She held it there for several minutes, her eyes closed and a look of concentration on her face. When she lowered the device and turned to speak to Ronon, John found himself holding his breath. "OK, here's the deal. No promises, but I think we can do this. We should be able to fully reverse the damage or at least get you to the point that you do can do the rest with physical therapy." There was a collective sigh of relief and smiles all around in the observation lounge, except for Teal'c who looked as calm as ever. Ronon closed his eyes and a grin spread across his face. "But it won't be fast or easy, like your shoulder. It will take many treatment sessions and your nerves will be the last thing we restore. We'll fix everything else first because if we fix the nerves first, you'll probably have a lot more pain. But I want to stress that I can't guarantee this will work. This type of damage would usually be corrected with a sarcophagus."

"A what? A tomb?" Ronon looked a bit worried.

"Um, nevermind." She raised the device again and began the first healing session.

Three hours later, Ronon had fallen asleep and Randi was starting to look tense. Woolsey and Keller had excused themselves a while ago to tend to other duties. Rodney was working on his datapad but still paying close attention to Ronon and mumbling occasionally about "voodoo energy healing practices." Teyla had come to sit next to John, letting her shoulder touch his in mutual support. John had spoken with Colonel Caldwell via radio and arranged a time to meet in the morning to go over necessary matters. Teal'c had been watching Ronon and Randi closely and he suddenly turned and left the room. He appeared seconds later in the isolation room and spoke quietly to Randi. She opened her eyes and blinked several times, getting her focus back. She nodded, deactivated the device and hooked it onto her belt loop. John, Rodney and Teyla met Miranda and Teal'c outside Ronon's room. Teal'c looked to John. "Miranda must eat and rest now." She grimaced and said "I'm fine Teal'c, just a little hungry. And before you guys ask, he's not ready to get up and around yet. I'm just working on building up some muscles that have started to atrophy and then it's on to neural pathways that have started to wear thin with the lack of activity." Teyla opted to stay with Ronon and Rodney took off for his lab. Leading them to the mess, John snuck a look at Miranda. She did look tired and she seemed to be forcing one foot in front of the other. He wondered just how much energy she had expended trying to heal Ronon.

The mess held a surprising number of people for such a late hour. Most of them appeared to be scientists engrossed in whatever was on the laptops on the tables in front of them. There was one group of marines at a table that John decided he would need to address if they got much more rowdy. The three of them grabbed trays and some of the cold food items that were left out for late stragglers and they sat at a table on the balcony, where the ocean could be seen reflecting the city lights. There was not much to be seen of the moons tonight and John blamed the dimness for initially missing the mountains of food on the trays of his dinner companions. Teal'c had a Ronon-sized meal, but Miranda had a truly staggering amount of food that she dug into immediately. She was well into her third sandwich when she looked away from the water to find him staring at her, his own sandwich forgotten. "What?" John tried to act like he hadn't been blatantly staring but she seemed more irritated at having to explain than offended by his staring. "I have an extremely high metabolism because of the symbiote and the healing device just makes my appetite worse. I've actually beaten Teal'c's record for number of mystery meat patty's eaten in one setting." She and Teal'c shared a fond look. John realized two things then. First, there was a lot more to this woman than just a Go'uld host that could use a healing device and second, that no matter what his orders might be, Teal'c was here to protect Miranda, not to protect Atlantis from her. That meant John would have to be more vigilant.

After dinner John radioed Chuck to ask where Teal'c and Miranda would be staying. He wasn't pleased to hear that she was assigned quarters far from any senior staff. Normally room assignments would have been performed by Lorne, who would have known that John or he should keep close watch on Baxter, but Lorne was ferrying some supplies to the mainland and hadn't returned yet. Thinking of the empty quarters next to his own, he instructed Chuck to have her things moved there. When they arrived at her door, he was surprised to find that Teal'c was planning to stay with her. He didn't think they acted very couple-like, but it was hard to tell with these two. He came inside just long enough to instruct them on how to operate the lights, shower, doors, etc. It was pretty simple since Miranda had the gene and seemed to be able to exercise a strong control over it. He entered his own quarters and, after radioing Stackhouse to arrange for covert guards to follow Miranda, and Teyla to learn that Ronon was awake and visiting with Amelia Banks, he got ready for bed himself. He felt exhausted, probably the last few weeks catching up with him, but his mind was working too fast and he could not begin to drift off to sleep. After counting sheep, listing the things he had to do tomorrow, reading a few of the reports from linguistics that he kept on hand as a cure for insomnia and just staring at the ceiling, he was no closer to sleep. Sighing, he tossed back the covers and got out of bed. Grabbing a glass of water on the way, he stepped out onto the balcony and felt a light breeze come off the water, carrying the smell of salt and stirring his hair. God, he loved living on the water.

Leaning against the railing, he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. Turning, he saw Miranda on the balcony to the left of his. The way Atlantis' balcony's were situated had her balcony beginning only a few feet from where his ended. There was enough light coming from the doorway to her quarters that he could make out her face. She was staring out at the water with an expression that gave nothing away. There was no happiness or sadness, just blank, neutral. John found that bothered him more than if she showed anger. She either hadn't noticed him or didn't care that he was there. He studied her and took his first good look at her. She was a few inches shorter than him, maybe 5'8" and had a fit build. Not skinny but not big either. Curvy. Her hair was nice, he thought. Dark brown, thick and shoulder-length, cut into a basic layered shag look that seemed to be forever in style and easy to manage. It looked a little windblown, but that seemed to suit her. She was pale, almost as much as Rodney, and looked as if she didn't get to see the sun much. She had dark brown eyes, full lips and cheekbones that made him think she might have some Native American ancestry. She was not drop-dead gorgeous but she was attractive.

He found himself wondering what kind of person it took to do what she had done. He reviewed it in his head while he watched her. A member of SG1, captured and taken as a host by the original Sakhmet. Apparently SG1 had come across a cloned version years ago. He brushed that thought away; like he could ever keep up with everything SG1 got themselves into. _So, taken as a host by a damn System Lord and she manages to beat the snake in a mental showdown and takes control of her body back. _He's not a fool and he knows it could not have been as simple as the abbreviated report he received from General Landry made it out to be when he notified them in the databurst two weeks ago that they were sending Miranda to try to heal Ronon. According to Landry, Miranda and Sakhmet had fought hard enough that the Go'uld had needed to hold on more tightly to her host. It integrated itself so deeply into Miranda's central nervous system that it cannot be removed, even by the Asgard or Tok'ra, without killing Miranda. Landry assured them that multiple tests had shown the Go'uld to be brain dead. Basically, Baxter had the snake still, but it didn't control her anymore. _What kind of person does it take to do that? Do you have to be ruthless and cold to have that type of fight in your own head, or do you have to be a super-good person to stand against that madness or what? _Continuing to watch her intently, he didn't notice immediately that she had turned her head to stare at him. Her expression didn't change, but she nodded to him and then turned and went back inside, leaving him to stare at the water until he was tired enough to try for sleep again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The next day was busy. Getting up early, he started off with a run. Generally, he loved running. But it sucked lately, since Ronon couldn't join him. He had found himself using a new route, planning on returning to the old one when Ronon was able to run with him again. Heading back to his quarters, he heard voices in the hallway. Turning the corner, he saw Sgt Stackhouse talking with Miranda in the corridor. He was surprised to see them both looking so relaxed. Did he not just tell Stackhouse last night that someone needed to keep an eye on Baxter?

"Whatever, Stacks. Rollins may have been making more of an effort, but that should have told you something right there. It was still you she was after," she said chuckling.

"I figured a sacred ceremonial llama didn't count towards Walter's Pool of Interplanetary Conquests, even if she did follow me around, so I thought I'd be the better man and let Rollins take that one."

"And it had nothing to do with it being Rollin's first time out and you volunteering him for the job of brushing and dressing the llama for the ceremony?"

"Maybe." They both started laughing. John cleared his throat and Stackhouse turned to him and blushed. "Sir, we were just catching up."

"Wasn't aware that you knew each other." John really wanted to ask where the guards were, but he wasn't really into berating his soldiers in front of company.

Apparently, Miranda knew what was on his mind though. "It was change of shift for your guys and there was a duty mix-up, so I volunteered to stay out in the hall to let Stacks have an easier time keeping an eye on me for you." She seemed amused, not upset. "Don't worry, they should be here in a minute." As if on cue, two marines rounded the corner from the transporter and stopped, looking unsure. "Oh, it's OK boys," Miranda called to them. "I know you were supposed to be a secret, but I already know, so you might as well join the party. I'm hungry, let's get some food." With that, she turned and headed toward the mess, Stackhouse and the two guards following.

Teal'c stepped out of their quarters then. "Colonel Sheppard, would you please join me?" He was sweaty and smelled, but Teal'c didn't seem to mind so he followed him in. He let his eyes wander around the room. There was a pillow on the small bed and a pillow and blanket on the couch. _So, not sleeping together after all,_ John thought. Teal'c turned on him as soon as the door shut. John backed up a step at the look in his eyes. "Colonel Sheppard, I know that Miranda and I are guests in Atlantis, but I wish to remind you that she is here to help Ronon Dex and for no other purpose. I would also like to remind you that she is an active member of SG1 and has the trust of General O'Neill and the President of your United States. Have you forgotten that she could have taken over Atlantis with a thought yesterday, but that she did not? I understand your mistrust. I myself was the last to believe that she had defeated the false god that took her body. However, she has proved herself time and time again. She is not a Go'uld and she does not deserve to be followed like an enemy."

John was shocked, not only by Teal'c's confrontation but by the shear number of words he spoke. He always had the impression that Teal'c was a man of very few words. He recovered quickly though. "But she does have one of those snakes in her head and she has not proved herself to me or to Atlantis." He skipped over the fact that Atlantis seemed to like her just fine. "My job is to protect this city and her residents, first and foremost. I'm sorry if you are bothered by the guards, but she is obviously aware of them and seems fine with it. And for the record, Ronon had guards with him when he first came to Atlantis too!"

"Do not let her habit of joking or flirting with them fool you. She is not fine with being followed by security. It reminds her of when she was still trying to regain the trust of the SGC." He tilted his head and continued, "I do understand your position, though I am not pleased by it. Perhaps in the future you should discuss such matters openly with Miranda." He then walked out and turned towards the mess.

John went to his own quarters, showered, shaved and dressed quickly and headed for the mess as well. He spotted Rodney and Teyla sitting with Miranda and Teal'c. Stackhouse and the two guards were at the next table over. He pulled up a chair to join them and noticed Miranda had almost as much food as she did yesterday. Teyla was asking after members of SG1 and others at the SGC that she had met previously. Miranda and Teal'c were taking turns answering her.

"How is Dr. Jackson?"

This got a smirk from Teal'c and a laugh from Miranda. She glanced at Teal'c and replied, "He's probably cursing Teal'c and I right about now. We tend to distract Vala on occasion so he can have what he calls his Vala-free time."

Teyla, forever the diplomat, carefully commented, "Yes, I seem to recall that she can be very _energetic_ in her attentions towards certain people."

Rodney snorted and gestured wildly, nearly flinging toast crumbs everywhere, "Please, that's your nice way of saying she's a bigger flirt than Kirk here." Miranda followed the thumb gesture he made to look at John.

"Kirk, huh? I suppose that refers to what I think it does?" He frowned at Rodney and the glint in Miranda's eyes. She apparently decided to let him off the hook, _maybe she's not too bad after all, _he thought. She turned back to Teyla. "Actually, Daniel and Vala are madly in love, they just are clueless. Well, Daniel certainly is anyway. Walter's running a pool on when they'll finally get together. Feel free to place your bets with the next databurst."

"I miss Walter. That guy will run a pool on anything!" Stackhouse piped up from the next table. Miranda just grinned and nodded her head.

Rodney glanced at his watch and excused himself, taking the rest of his breakfast with him. It was his turn to sit with Ronon, since Amelia had to be on duty shortly. Teal'c finished eating and left, giving a look to John that had Teyla raising her eyebrows in question. He ignored it and waved Major Lorne over when he saw him enter. After Lorne grabbed his food, he made his way over and went around the table to sit next to Teyla, across from Miranda. When he saw who was sitting there, his face broke into a wide smile. Miranda noticed and smiled back. "Lawn!"

"Lawn woman!" Lorne exclaimed, then came around the table and enveloped her in a hug. _Great_, John thought, _everyone that is supposed to be guarding her is friends with her_.

He let them get through the "you look great's" and "how are you's" before asking "Lawn?"

They both started laughing and sat down. Miranda smiled at Lorne. "I'll let Evan tell you. He's a better storyteller than I am."

Lorne started talking, and he was obviously enjoying the memory, if his smile and hand gestures were anything to go by. "I was working on the Unas homeworld, coordinating their excavation efforts with the SGC."

Teyla interrupted. "Excuse me, but what is an Unas?" _Good question_, John thought.

Miranda explained "Unas are a race of beings that are very large, very strong, don't look human and have very stringent social structures. We were almost at war with them, until we found they hate the Go'uld as much as we do. Unas was the first race to be enslaved by the Go'uld and they also used them as hosts. Now they are allies."

Lorne pulled up something on his datapad and handed it to Teyla and John. "That's an Unas." It was a picture of a large creature, standing next to Lorne with what John hoped was a smile on it's face. Lorne continued, "Anyway, Randi here was pretty new to the SGC and, besides the Asgard, had never met a non-human alien before. She requested to come to the Unas homeworld for a few days to work with me and get some experience working with a totally different race. I met her at the gate and everything seemed fine. But then Iron Shirt, he was the leader of the Unas, was waiting for us on the trail back to the camp. None of us had thought about the fact that we hadn't had a human female there before and that we hadn't seen an Unas female. Iron Shirt thought I had brought Randi as a gift for him. He kept trying to grab her, thinking it was a game when she would jump away. We found out later that's a form of foreplay among the Unas." John grinned and glanced at Miranda, who was blushing and laughing softly. "I finally got Iron Shirt to understand that Randi wasn't his _present, _but I had to claim her as my own before he would believe us."

"Claim her? Do I want to know how?" John really didn't know if he wanted to hear the answer.

"It's not that bad, Sir. I just had to tell Iron Shirt that she was mine and then I had to threaten them if they touched her. I know, unorthodox for an ally, but that is how the Unas work. Anyway, Iron Shirt never could say my name right. Instead of Lorne, I was always Lawn to them. He slapped me on the shoulder and yelled 'Lawn' and then pointed at Randi and yelled 'Lawn woman' so all the Unas would hear him. Randi and I had to stick together like glue the entire time she was there. Next thing I know Walter is running a pool on when Lawn and Lawn Woman will get together."

Teyla was laughing by then and said "I would like to hear more about these Unas. They sound interesting. And I definitely need to meet this Walter when I next visit Earth."

"Sure," Lorne said. "You're probably already in his ledger book as it is." He looked to Randi and then glanced at John.

_He looks nervous. Oh, great. He's probably wanting to ask her out but doesn't want to with me right here. Well, tough Major, I'm not leaving her wandering around with all her guards besotted after her. Besotted? Geez, I'm hanging around McKay and Woolsey too much._

Randi has apparently noticed Lorne's hesitancy too. "What is it Evan?"

"My team and I are leaving for a mission after breakfast. The MALP didn't show anything a few minutes ago but Parrish has a bad feeling. Would you mind, you know... the gate?"

"Oh sure, you ready now?" Lorne nodded and they all headed to the transporter after disposing of their trays. Once at the gateroom, John followed Lorne into the gear-up room where his team was already checking their weapons.

John spoke quietly. "Lorne, I'm sure it didn't escape your notice that I haven't given Baxter clearance to go off-world?"

Lorne scrunched up his brow but seemed to understand quickly enough. "Sir, I wasn't asking her to go off-world. I was asking her to, um, touch the gate. Sir."

"Touch. The. Gate." John said very slowly. "Major, what the hell are you talking about?"

Lorne suddenly looked uncomfortable. John hadn't seen that since the Major had tried to apologize for forgetting John was his CO when they all had that variant of Kierson fever. "Sir, it may just be a SGC superstition, but when the wormhole is active, or sometimes when it's not, Randi can tell what's going to happen on the other side. She just started doing it one day. SG8 was geared up and about to walk through the event horizon when Randi comes in, touches the gate and tells them that there is an ambush waiting for them on the other side. Of course no one believed her and they went through. There was an ambush and Lt Jacobson got shot in the leg, but the whole team swears that if she hadn't put that thought in their heads to be extra cautious, they wouldn't have gotten off so light. So, now it's kind of a thing for a team leader to have her read the gate, Sir."

"Read the gate." John was aware he was starting to sound like a parrot, but really? Reading the gate? "This I gotta see Major."

Once SGA2 was assembled and the wormhole was established, Randi walked up to stand near John and Lorne, who were next to the ring of the gate. She told Lorne, "You know, I'm not as clear at this as I used to be, since..." She pointed at her neck and grimaced.

Lorne put his hand on her shoulder and then pulled away quickly when she tensed. "Just whatever you can get is great, Randi."

She closed her eyes and placed her left hand on the gate, sliding a moment later to skim over the surface of the event horizon. After a moment, she opened her eyes and looked at Lorne but kept her hand on the event horizon. "Look to the right immediately upon exiting the wormhole. There is something there, but I'm not sure what. I'm sorry Evan."

"No problem. I appreciate it." He turned to his team, "I'm on the right, everybody keep a look out." With that they walked through.

Their radio link was active, so John heard the yell and the gunshots and was yelling for a sitrep before he noticed Randi's hand was back on the gate. With her eyes closed again, she said "They're OK, John." Just then, Lorne's voice came over the radio. "Sir, we're all fine. There was some kind of animal here, just to the right of the gate. Huge teeth and claws. Looks like a cross between a bear and a wolf. There's a pile of bones by a tree here that the MALP didn't record. It looks like whatever that thing was, it ate whatever came through the gate."

He addressed Lorne, but was staring at Randi. "Lorne, are you OK to continue the mission?" After receiving a positive response from Major Lorne, he ordered Chuck to shut the gate. He nodded to Woolsey and turned back to Randi, but she was already leaving the gateroom, with her guards in tow.

A few hours later and John had met with Mr. Woolsey and was now meeting with Caldwell to go over the interminable list of things that the SGC, IOA and Pentagon seemed to send with each supply run. "I can't believe the Pentagon really wants an audit on how many rolls of toilet paper we go through in a month," John mumbled as he looked at the latest crazy request.

Caldwell chuckled and said "Keep digging, it gets worse." At John's groan he scowled himself, "Yeah, seems like some Pentagon official has too much time on their hands."

John grunted in response and tossed the paper on his desk. He scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed. When he looked up, Caldwell was watching him with a concerned look. "You OK, Sheppard?"

"Yeah, fine. Just been a long few weeks, Sir." John was glad he and Caldwell got along so much better now, but Caldwell was still a superior officer and he would not complain to him.

"I was sorry to hear about Dex. How's he holding up?"

"Thanks. He's doing better since Baxter got here. She said she thinks she can heal him."

"Well, if she said it, then she can." Seeing John's hopeful look, he went on, "I forgot you haven't met Randi before. The one thing you can always count on with Randi, whether it was before she was taken as a host or not, is that she tells it like it is. She wasn't lying. She not the type to give false hope."

John suddenly felt lighter. He didn't realize he had been holding that fear inside, that she was just giving hope to make them all feel better or, that the Go'uld was lying for whatever purpose. That led to his next question, "What can you tell me about her Sir? She said it might take a while for her to heal him and you and the Daedalus are leaving tomorrow already. If she's going to be in my city, I want to know as much as I can."

Caldwell smiled, but did not comment on the _my city. "_General O'Neill thought you might feel that way. He gave me something for you. Said it should answer any questions you have about her. All I can tell you is that I didn't have any problems with her on the Daedalus. She stayed out of the way and mainly worked with training the marines on hand-to-hand combat. She did do one lecture on tactical strategy that I attended. It was quite good actually." He saw the surprise on John's face and chuckled. "I know, but she got a lot of training from Teal'c and O'Neill himself when she joined the SGC, then she spent time with the Asgard and Nox and now she has 5,000 years of memories of a Go'uld System Lord. She definitely has some knowledge tucked away in that brain of hers. Now, speaking of brains," he grimaced and stood, making his way to the door, "I need to go check on Novak and the rest of my crew to make sure McKay hasn't reduced any of them to tears. Again." He set a USB module on John's desk as he walked by.

"Sir?" John cringed at the squeak in his voice, but he couldn't help it. He really didn't want to ask this question, he just felt like he needed to. Caldwell was waiting in the doorway, waiting for him, so he just blurted it out. "I was wondering how you thought she did it, beat the Go'uld I mean. I thought you might have some idea since you..." He trailed off, seeing that he had already reminded Caldwell enough of a time in his life he surely wanted to forget.

Caldwell looked thoughtful for a moment and then met his eyes. "I don't know Sheppard, but I wish to God I had been able to do it. I can tell you this. It wasn't easy for her. I walked by the holding cells once after she was captured and brought back to the SGC. She was screaming, in pain, and... Well, it wasn't easy for her." He turned briskly and left.

John inserted the USB into his laptop, but seeing the amount of info there and getting a taste of what might be waiting for him in the files from Caldwell just now, he decided to save it for later. He grabbed some food from the mess and had a couple of the marines that were on KP duty help him carry it all to the infirmary. He smiled as the faces of all four of the people present lit up at the sight of the food. Rodney made it there first, followed by Randi and Teal'c. John set the tray he was carrying next to Ronon and asked him how he was feeling.

"Better, but the same."

"Okaaay," John drawled.

"You know, better up here," gesturing to his head "the same down there," waving his hands to encompass his legs. He looked uncertain. "Maybe it's stupid to hope like this Sheppard, but I think she can do this."

"She can. I talked to Caldwell about her. He said she isn't the kind of person to give out false hope. Besides, Lorne and Stackhouse know her and they seem to think she's fine."

Ronon looked up from his want-to-be-chicken casserole. "So that's why you seem better today. You trust her now."

Miranda broke in then, walking up to Ronon with a pudding cup in one hand and a spoon in the other. "I wouldn't go that far Ronon. He just trusts me a bit more than yesterday is all." She turned to John then. "But that's OK, I can understand that." She rolled her eyes when Teal'c informed her she needed a break. "I'm fine T. Do I look like I'm going to collapse?" Everyone seemed to enjoy the non-verbal showdown and eyebrow conversation that ensued next, but Randi ended it by sighing dramatically. "Fine, but I'm finishing my lunch first."

Teal'c inclined his head and grinned. "I would expect nothing less." She stuck out her tongue at him then.

Keller came in as they were eating and announced that she wanted to run a new scan of Ronon to see how the healing device was working. She brought a wheelchair for him to transfer into, but Randi spoke up and said she did not want Ronon participating in any unnecessary movement until they were nearly done. She explained that she did not want him to run the risk of exacerbating his injury and undoing the work she had done so far before he had the muscle and neural control to regulate his movements.

When they rolled Ronon's bed back into the room a few minutes later, he and Keller were both beaming. John sat up straight for once. "Good news?" He was mentally crossing his fingers.

Keller looked close to tears, the good kind. "Yes! The damaged muscles around the spine are at least 40% healed and the muscles in his legs that were atrophying are back to their previous state. Look!" With that she threw back the sheet to reveal that Ronon was wearing a skimpy gown. Everything was covered, but just barely. His legs were bare, but they did look better. John hadn't realized how much different they had started to look over the last month.

"Hey!" Ronon grabbed the sheet, but didn't look upset.

"Nice legs buddy!" John couldn't resist teasing him.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. You're just jealous."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

A week later, Randi announced that she would begin restoring Ronon's spinal cord the next day. Dr. Keller was still smiling, after each scan continued to show improvement. Teal'c had become the voice of moderation, and John was glad for it. It didn't take long to realize that Randi would work until she collapsed. The woman never seemed to want a break and, though she usually lost, would argue with Teal'c every time he insisted on one. Teal'c had enlisted Keller's help in telling Randi that she was allowed to perform only one healing session per day. Keller jumped back and yelped when glowing eyes were turned on her. Randi quickly apologized and explained that she was still learning to control "that particular Go'uld trait" when she was upset or irritated.

John still insisted on having he, Teyla or Lorne with Randi, if she wasn't in her quarters. Unfortunately, due to her long hours, that meant the three of them were running on minimal sleep and a lot of coffee, or tea for Teyla. She had done nothing to make anyone overly suspicious, but she was quickly becoming a frequent visitor to the labs and the 302 bay. He was concerned about the 302 bay and made a mental note to check into why Lorne allowed her access there. The labs were easy to explain, as she was a natural carrier of the ATA gene and seemed to exert even more control over it than Lorne. John was still the strongest gene carrier, but he had learned long ago how to get out of light-bulb duty if he wanted. It was all new to Randi, so she didn't decline when McKay asked, in his usual polite manner, that she assist him in the lab again.

"Um, what is this... stuff?" Randi had speared her fork through a piece of purple-blue meat and was eyeing it with suspicion.

"Rakkat meat. Eat it, it's good," which Ronon demonstrated by stuffing a huge piece into his mouth. He was finally up and around in a wheelchair and was looking better every day.

John grinned at his friend's obvious enjoyment of the freaky-looking meat. _At least his appetite is finally coming back. Although, between Ronon, Rodney, Teal'c and Baxter, we'll have to strike some new trade deals so we don't run out of food. _

"Oh, I'm sure," Randi looked anything but sure, "it just looks like something Kofur brought back after taking one of Ra's worlds. That stuff stunk to high heaven."

"Who is Kofur?" Teyla inquired right about the time John was thinking that Ra was killed years before Baxter joined the SGC. He noticed Teal'c looked tense and had put his utensils down.

"Kofur was Sekhmet's-" she suddenly faltered and paled. She continued quietly when she realized that everyone was still waiting for a response. "He was her First Prime... about a thousand years ago." Everyone was quiet for a moment and Randi looked like she was going to bolt and run.

Leave it to Teyla to get things back on track. "I am intrigued that you have memories from someone else from so long ago. Is that how you managed to defeat me in our sparring session yesterday? By using an old form that I do not know how to defend against? In that case, I would like a rematch. How does 1500 sound?" Teyla was wearing a small and kind smile.

"Sure, that sounds good Teyla." Randi went back to her food, but John noted that she avoided the rakkat meat.

"Well, in the meantime, I have something you can do that the snake in your head never gave you any evil memories of-"

"McKay!" John kicked Rodney under the table and shot him a _shut the hell up right now_ look.

Apparently, he had used that look one too many times, because it didn't faze Rodney. "What?" Turning back to Randi, "Come to the lab after lunch. I need to finish a simulation that requires the initialization of some Ancient tech and even I can't be in two places at once."

"How can I refuse such a sweet invitation?"

Rodney looked surprised for a second, until he saw the smirk on her face, "oh yes, yes, mock the genius that saves you daily."

"You have never saved me, Dr. McKay. In fact, I believe you once advocated letting me die." Teal'c's comment was delivered with a raised eyebrow and a stern look at Rodney, who paled and stammered, "Nonono, that's... no!" John was shocked to see Rodney leave his unfinished lunch and scamper out of the mess.

He looked back to Teal'c, who was being laughed at by Randi. "Damn, I can't believe you just won that bet! Cam will never believe McKay left food unfinished. And ran from an argument!" She looked more serious then, "T, you really should make it up to him. If you ever want verification for that bet anyway." With that, she left to follow Rodney to the labs. He saw Lorne join her, placing his hand on the small of her back to guide her out of the mess. _Huh_.

After Teyla and Ronon left to return to his quarters-he had been taken off suicide watch and allowed to spend some time in his room, as long as he promised to take it easy-John turned to Teal'c, not quite sure what he wanted to ask.

"You are bothered by the fact that Miranda recalls memories that belong to the Go'uld, Colonel Sheppard?"

"Well, yeah. That doesn't bother you? Or anyone else at the SGC?"

"Indeed, it does. But it does not bother me, or the rest of SG1, for the same reasons it bothers General Landry and the IOA. I am distressed that Miranda recalls these things because of the pain it causes her. The Go'uld whose memories she shares was evil. The IOA fears it will corrupt her mind and turn her against Earth and the Tau'ri."

"She seemed embarrassed, more than pained," John said it like a question, not being familiar enough with Baxter yet to know for sure.

Teal'c tilted his head and considered him for a moment. "Let us take a walk, Colonel Sheppard." He took his tray to the racks and left the mess, waiting for John outside. He led Teal'c to the east pier. It wasn't his favorite place, but at this time of day it was in the shade and a bit cool, so they were unlikely to be interrupted. As they began to walk the length of the pier, Teal'c began to talk. And John began to get pissed.

"I fear that Miranda will not be allowed to return to Earth once her duties to Ronon Dex are complete," Teal'c started.

"What? Why not? That was the plan, right? She heals Ronon, she goes home."

"Did you not think it strange that the Daedalus was redeployed to Atlantis so quickly after returning to the Milky Way? We left Earth within two days of hearing of Ronon Dex's injury. The only reason was to transport Miranda Baxter here."

"Just figured they wanted to help Ronon." Even as he said it, he knew something was wrong with that statement.

"If the decision had been the SGC's, then yes. However, with the IOA involved, I am afraid there were no such good intentions. The IOA has never been friendly to the aliens working within the SGC. They were especially concerned about the return of Miranda to active duty. They believe she cannot be trusted."

"Since the snake couldn't be removed."

"Yes. Mr. Woolsey himself led the campaign to have her detained indefinitely in the research division at Area 51." _That certainly explains her reaction to him when she first arrived, _John thought. Teal'c continued, "It was only by the intervention of O'Neill that she was saved from that fate. He was able to convince the President that Miranda was free of the Go'uld's influence."

"Sorry, but that seems like something that would be hard to convince him of." That just sounded too easy to John.

"Indeed, it was. However, Miranda had previously met the President and assisted in a matter of national security." Seeing John's eyebrows go up, he quickly added "I am sorry, Colonel Sheppard, but I cannot speak of that incident. Suffice it to say that O'Neill reminded the President that he 'owed her one' and the President agreed. Miranda was eventually reinstated as a member of SG1. Yet, the IOA will not let her outside of Cheyenne Mountain. She has become a prisoner inside the base that was once her home. She may have regained the trust of a few, but it is not enough."

Teal'c stopped for a moment to look out over the city. "It is beautiful here. If she is not allowed to return to Earth, I think she may be able to find happiness here."

_Whoa, wait a second! _"Are you saying that the IOA sent her here, using Ronon as an excuse, just to get her away from Earth? They're dumping her here?"

Teal'c's jaw became tense and his eyes hard. Those were the only indications he gave that he was angry. "While the IOA likely thinks of her banishment that way, I had hoped you would see it as an opportunity for Atlantis. None of this is final. However, in the databurst that arrived yesterday, O'Neill sent word that he is losing the battle to allow Miranda to return to Earth. The IOA feels she is too great a risk."

He began walking again and John hurried to catch up to the taller man's strides. "I have seen the lights of Atlantis brighten when Miranda walks past them. They seem to do the same for you. And I have heard some of your scientists comment that several systems, which were previously unknown, activated when she arrived in the city. She has off-world experience as a member of SG1 and she has invaluable knowledge in the memories of the Go'uld, though she prefers not to access those memories. She has also honed her innate abilities since joining the SGC. I believe she would be a most valuable asset to Atlantis and the fight against the Wraith."

"Why was she ever tapped to join in the first place? No military or scientific background. She doesn't seem like a very likely candidate. What?" Teal'c had stopped to stare at him.

"You have not opened the files O'Neill sent you."

"Uh, no. Guess I should?"

"Indeed."

"Does Miranda know about all this?"

Teal'c sighed. "I believe she suspects, but she will not discuss it. She does not seem to fault the IOA or anyone at the SGC for being suspicious of her. If she stays, Colonel Sheppard, you should be aware that she is still trying to find her balance after being taken as a host. Most hosts that are restored to themselves have the memories and knowledge of the Go'uld extracted with the symbiote, leaving only the memories the host has of the time as host. Miranda is the first known host to retain all of the memories of a Go'uld. She tried to block them out at first, but that proved impossible. Now, she is slowly integrating them into her life. You saw an example of that this morning. As she integrates them, the night terrors are slowly going away."

"Night terrors?" John had heard of them. "Aren't those a lot worse than nightmares?"

"Indeed, they are. That is why I have been staying with her. Vala Mal Doran and I both reside at the SGC, so we take turns keeping her company at night. It makes her feel weak, though she is not. She avoids sleep as often as possible and will work herself to collapse if allowed. She will need someone to help her with this. Though she appears to be improving since arriving in Atlantis. When questioned, she will only say that the city is comforting to her."

"You want me to stay with her at night?" _He can't be serious, I barely know this woman!_

Teal'c frowned at him. "No. I simply wish you to be aware, as her team leader, that she must be forced to get rest."

"Team leader!" John heard those two words very clearly.

"It is a request of O'Neill's that, should Miranda stay in Atlantis, that you make her part of the flagship team here." He saw the set of John's face and that he had carefully wiped all emotion aside. "O'Neill's request is in the file Colonel Caldwell delivered to you. It is only a request and should you refuse it, there will be no negative consequences. O'Neill is aware that forcing a new member into an established and successful team would be likely to result only in disaster. It is my opinion however, that you would be foolish to pass up the opportunity to have Miranda join you off-world."

"But this is all dependent on the IOA's decision, right? They could still decide to let her return to Earth, or maybe Woolsey could say something. And why exactly did General O'Neill send communications for me to you?" John knew he sounded a bit desperate, but _geez. Trying to integrate a Go'uld host into a city where half the population started out fighting the Go'uld at the SGC? And my team works great as we are, thank you very much. _

"I believe you have more faith in the members of the IOA than I, Colonel Sheppard. And Mr. Woolsey is now subject to the whims of the IOA as well. As for O'Neill, he asked me to speak with you and to make an assessment of how Miranda would fare here." He was thoughtful for a moment. "I am beginning to believe that Miranda may be better off in Atlantis. She seems happier here."

The next day held a marathon healing session for Ronon. Dr. Keller and Randi had explained that he would likely experience pain once she began working on the spinal cord itself. The idea was for her to do as much as possible in one session, to decrease the discomfort to Ronon. Keller had the strong drugs ready, just in case. John was at Ronon's bedside while Randi and Teal'c were hunting for a stool she could sit on that would give her the height and comfort to work over the bed for hours at a time.

Ronon was nervous but John knew he would never admit it. "I guess this is it. Listen, if this doesn't-"

"No, no. Not going there buddy. This will work. Look how far you've come already! By this time tomorrow, you'll be wiping the floor with my ass again."

Ronon grinned at John, "Tomorrow? I may be paralyzed, but I could still wipe the floor with your ass today."

Keller overheard the last part and was quick to jump in, "No ass-wiping until I clear you for that!" She blushed furiously when the loud laughter of the whole team clued her in to what she had said. "You know what I mean!"

"Sure, doc." John couldn't stop laughing, it was probably nerves. _Please let this work. _

When Randi came in with a stool, he and the others met Teal'c in the observation lounge and settled in for a long wait.

Seven hours later, Ronon was spacey on some of Keller's drugs and Randi looked exhausted. Teal'c did not look pleased, but he had given his word that he would not interrupt this session for anything more than a quick snack for Randi, which he had done an hour ago. Keller moved to give Ronon another dose of fentanyl but Randi stopped her.

"I'm almost done. You'll be able to start testing his reflexes and pain responses once the drugs wear off." The team and Teal'c quietly made their way into Ronon's room and surrounded his bed. A few minutes later, Randi deactivated the healing device and slumped on the stool. John caught her before she slid off and he helped her into one of the chairs by the bed. "Thanks," she mumbled.

"No, thank you. Whatever happens, thank you." John spoke as sincerely as he could. Not only had she exhausted herself, but she might have given up her chance to stay on her home planet, all to help his friend. She met his eyes and nodded.

Ronon's drugs wore off quickly and he denied having any pain. He wiggled his toes and then started laughing heartily. Teal'c and John nearly had to tackle him to the bed to get him to stay long enough to go through with the reflex tests and scans that Keller said were necessary. Less than an hour after Randi completed the treatment, Keller came back in the room and pronounced Ronon healed. "You're good as new Ronon!" After the cheering and hugging was over, she tried to caution him about overdoing it.

"No way, Jen. I'm going for a run. Then sparring. Or sparring first." Ronon was beaming.

Keller aquiesed after Teal'c assured her of the effectiveness and permanency of a healing provided by the Go'uld device.

After Ronon enthusiastically wiped the floor with his ass in the sparring room, John watched Teyla get the same treatment, all with a smile on all of their faces. It was only then that he noticed Randi and Teal'c were not at the impromptu party. When Ronon started taking on marines four at a time, Rodney cheering him on from the sidelines, John thought he could sneak out for a little while. He made his way to Randi's quarters and activated the buzzer. The door slid open to reveal Teal'c filling the doorway. "Colonel Sheppard. How is Ronon Dex?"

"He's having the time of his life and beating all of my men to a pulp."

"I am glad to hear it."

"Is Randi here? I know Ronon will want to see her and Teyla's been talking about what a great sparring partner she is..." he trailed off at the look on Teal'c's face. "Is everything alright?"

Teal'c moved out of the way, to reveal Randi, draped across the bed. She was deathly pale and breathing shallowly.

"Crap. I'll call Keller." He was reaching for his radio, but stopped when he heard Randi speak.

"It's OK. I'll be fine."

He made his way over to her and knelt by the bed. "You don't look OK."

She opened her eyes and looked him over. "Yeah, well you don't look so hot either."

"That would be Ronon's fault." He was pleased to see her smile at that.

"Good, I'm glad it worked." He was still watching her warily, like she might give up the ghost any minute. "Give me a break, Sheppard. I just rewired a guy's central nervous system today. I think I've earned the right to be tired and look like crap if I want to!" She grinned when he chuckled.

"OK, but call me if you need anything. I'm just right next door, you know." He turned to leave and spotted Teal'c sitting on the couch with a small smile in place. Teal'c nodded to him as he walked by and he got the impression he had just passed some kind of test.

That was the first night he dreamed of Randi. It was nothing too strange or out of the ordinary. The most unusual thing about it was how clear it was in his memory after he woke the next morning.

He was dressed in his BDUs, walking through the empty halls of Atlantis. He felt the emptiness should bother him, but it did not feel strange or frightening. He walked through the halls, humming Folsum Prison Blues to himself. He reached the gateroom and was surprised to find it was not empty. Randi stood on the lower level, facing the gate. She turned to watch him approach as he walked down the stairs towards her. "I remember this place," she whispered. At his questioning look, she explained "When I first beamed down, it felt like I had been here before. I felt like I know this place, like I was always meant to be here, like... home."

"I know what you mean. It felt right when I got here. That first year, when we were cut off from Earth, I wasn't worried about getting home. Because I was already here."

She looked at him with a soft smile on her face. "Show me more of your home? I still haven't had much of a chance to explore."

He turned to lead her to the nearest transporter. "Well, I really like the south pier. It's got the best view of the sunsets on Lantea. But there is this cool holo-game room that one of the science teams found recently. Rodney's been trying to modify it so it doesn't use much power. I'm thinking we could load football onto it."

"Or hockey."

He looked at her and frowned. "McKay got to you, didn't he?"

She chuckled, "Sorry, nothing so sinister as that. I just never liked football much. But I love all the action in hockey."

"Are you kidding? Football has tons of action!"

And they continued like that, bantering back and forth about various topics, until they made their way to the pier. They lay back on the cool metal and watched the stars and eventually, when John looked over to make another argument about their latest conversation topic, Ding-Dongs vs Ho-Ho's, Which Was the Better Treat, she was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry I took so long to post this chapter. I hope it is worth the wait! It's kind of a long one. I hate it when I get into a story and then it is never finished, so I promise to finish this. My goal is a new chapter every week (or two). This should be the last chapter that gives a lot of background info. As it is currently, the story will be about 13 chapters. Also, I realized after I posted the last chapter that the font I used to seperate the dream sequence didn't show up in the posting. The dreams will be in italics, and will start with and end with . The random sentences in italics that are interspersed throughout the story are John's thoughts. Feedback is appreciated, so please review! ==================================================================================================================================

Chapter 5

A few days later, Teal'c was proven right when the scheduled wormhole to Earth was opened for the weekly databurst. O'Neill demanded a secure line with Miranda. She wandered to the far side of the control room and turned her back to them. John figured she was getting the more personal version of the "Ms. Baxter has been reassigned to Atlantis" than Landry and an IOA stooge were giving them over the video feed. Landry continued, "Teal'c, you'll be returning to Earth on the Daedalus. Colonel Shep-"

"Jack, stop! It's fine!" Randi's raised voice carried through the control room and interrupted Landry. She didn't turn around, but was quiet after that. A few minutes later, Randi had finished her conversation with O'Neill and rejoined the group around the console.

"Ms. Baxter, Colonel Carter is currently off-world, but she asked me to inform you that the components you need for the 302 project will be arriving on board the Daedalus." Randi just nodded to Landry in response.

Late that night, John finally looked at the files sent by General O'Neill. It wasn't that he hadn't been curious, but he simply had not had the time to give them more than a cursory glance. Grabbing an apple and a pot of coffee from the mess, he headed back to his quarters, greeting a few people along the way. He sat back on his bed and spent the first few minutes sorting through what files were there. There were written reports and several videos of various lengths. He spotted one titled "Watch Me First" and pressed play.

General O'Neill sat down in front of the camera. He was wearing civvies and looked like he was sitting in a living room or den.

"Sheppard, greetings from Earth! Huh, I always wanted to say that, but it just wasn't that great. OK, Teal'c's gonna talk to you about this, but I wanted to make it official. I will not order you to put Baxter on your team, or on anyone else's team. But I will tell you, I think if you don't want her on your team, then you're crazy." _Hmm, isn't that how you talked my into going to another galaxy? You need some new tricks, General. _ "Hell, I didn't want Baxter on _my_ team. She was kind of shoved down our throats by the Asgard. I yelled at Thor, but you could never tell if it fazed him. Great guys, the Asgard... Anyway, Thor told General Hammond and SG1 how the Asgard had been monitoring" John didn't miss the roll of O'Neill's eyes, "us humans on behalf of their old buddies, the Ancients. See, seems that every once in a while, the old Ancient genes get together and an actual Ancient is born. Well, as close to an Ancient as possible. Hopefully, without the arrogance and-"

"Jack, focus."

O'Neill scowled at whoever had interrupted him from off-camera. "I'm getting there, Daniel. If you think you can do better, be my guest."

He hadn't finished the sentence when Dr. Jackson walked into view and sank down on the couch next to O'Neill, who gave him a look that was half irritation, half fondness. _I know the feeling, Sir._

"Hi, Colonel Sheppard. I hope you and the rest of the city are doing well. Sam, Vala and Mitchell say hi. OK, long story short, or as short as possible, the Asgard have been monitoring certain genetic lines on Earth for several thousand years, in order to track the progression of the ATA gene. We know that in some people, the gene seems to be stronger, such as with yourself. Thor explained that it is actually a specific set of genes, not just one gene, that influences the strength of the gene that identifies ATA carries as Ancients, at least for the purposes of interacting with Ancient technology. When two people, who both carry the set of genes recessively, have a child, that child is born with the set of genes in a dominant state. The Ancients themselves had this dominant gene set. Two of the genetic lines they were monitoring led to Randi's parents. Randi's gene set is dominant, allowing her to advance a bit beyond the norm for humans. It explains her healing abilities and her precognition."

"And by that, Daniel means to say, her healing abilities without the use of the Go'uld healing device. The precognition can be a little freaky till you get used to it. It's actually pretty damn cool-especially when she prevents me from getting shot. I love that." _Or prevents my 2IC from being eaten. _

"Thanks, Jack, for that aside," Dr. Jackson replied dryly. "When the Asgard found Randi, Thor brought her to us. To be honest, we weren't quite sure what to do with her, at first. She had already begun showing signs of some unusual mental abilities. Thor thought she could be useful and took it upon himself to inform her of the SGC and Ancients. He took her to the Nox to train with them on their healing and mental abilities. When he returned her to Earth six months later, he convinced Jack to let her join us off-world. Pretty soon, she was part of the team. Had she been with us when Atlantis was found, she would have have been part of the expedition. But, by then she had been taken as a host and was still missing. We were able to get her back, but SG1 fought hard to keep her on Earth. After everything that happened, we wanted her to have something familiar. Ironically, the IOA had wanted to keep what was essentially a modern-day Ancient, on Earth because they thought she could be useful."

"But now she has the snake and they don't want her around. Nevermind that she beat the damn thing." John thought he heard a strange mix of pride and bitterness in O'Neill's voice.

"Yes, about that. We think her enhanced mental abilities allowed her to fight the Go'uld longer than most humans would be able. Unfortunately, it couldn't stop the psychological trauma that comes from being a host. She's taken a few steps back in the training she had for her abilities."

O'Neill turned to address Dr. Jackson. "But, who knows, maybe being an Ancient in an Ancient city will help. Seemed to work for Sheppard."

Dr. Jackson looked startled and turned back to the camera. Looking sheepish, he explained "We didn't find out until after you had left for Atlantis and it seems we neglected to mention it until now. The Asgard didn't find your genetic line earlier, so they didn't know about you until Jack mentioned your unique control over Ancient technology to Thor. He analyzed your DNA and you have the same Ancient gene set. You are essentially a modern-day Ancient. Jack and the current members of SG1 know, including Randi. No one else is aware of your gene set, so it is up to you if you keep it that way or not."

John listened to the end of the recording twice. He sat there, shocked, trying to figure out how this changed things. Eventually he gave up trying to figure it out while suffering from a caffeine buzz in the middle of the night.

To distract himself, he randomly opened a file. At first glance, it appeared to be a history of the Go'uld, but it quickly pared down to the history of one Go'uld, Sekhmet. According to the brief, prepared by Daniel Jackson during the time that Baxter was missing, the Go'uld had a habit of taking on the names and personas of the deities of the native peoples of whatever planet they were trying to conquer. John read, his coffee paused halfway to his lips. Remembering what Teal'c had told him about Randi possessing Sekhmet's memories, he put the coffee aside as he began to feel ill. He learned that Sekhmet's name literally meant the Powerful One. She was the goddess of war and destruction that could cause illness by breathing fire. Ironically, she could also cure illness and was invoked by worshipers seeking protection. A lioness goddess, she was depicted with the head of a lion and the body of a woman. She apparently possessed great magic that she used to destroy her enemies and protect those few that she allowed close to her. One prominent Egyptian legend told of her efforts to destroy the world and all mankind until the other gods (or other Go'uld, according to the brief) stopped her. In ancient Egypt, she was referred to as "the mistress of fear."** _Shit, no wonder she has nightmares. _ It continued with a brief explanation of what was known of Sekhmet-the-Go'uld. She was one of the first System Lords, who rose to power by backing and protecting other powerful Go'uld and then betraying and destroying them, annexing their worlds, Jaffa and slaves. She was the only System Lord known to not rely entirely on Jaffa for her army. Apparently, she thought her human slaves could serve just as well and were given the same military opportunities as her Jaffa were. _Great, an equal opportunity slave-holder._

He began opening files and videos, skimming the files for the highlights and paying attention to the videos. One file gave some info on the different things Randi had learned from the Nox. John wasn't sure who they were, but they sounded advanced, if cloaked floating cities and raising the dead were the norm in their society. _Too bad she didn't learn their resurrection skills; they could certainly come in handy in Atlantis. _ He read about her background before joining the SGC. Born and raised in the South, she moved to Denver and later, to Colorado Springs, after college. With a bachelor's in social work and a master's in public policy in healthcare, she worked in hosptials as a medical social worker, who specialized in creating programs to address the needs of her patients. John was disappointed to see there was little information regarding her personal life. She had three brothers, one of whom died in a car crash when Randi was in 7th grade. Her parents divorced shortly after she was born and the family seemed to move around a lot. Her status was listed as single and there was no mention of any significant others, past or present. Her test scores showed she was intelligent, though certainly not up to McKay's standards.

He opened a video recording of Dr. Jackson sitting across a table from Randi in what appeared to be an interrogation room. He was holding small cards, the blank side of the card facing Randi. As he held each up, she was able to describe what was on the other side. The angle of the camera was such that John could see the cards enough to know that her rate of accuracy was above 90%. It wouldn't have been so interesting if the cards were the traditional cards with the circle, square, wave and triangle. These cards had random pictures or words, like chicken, planet, purple. Another recording showed a group of scientists and military personnel who each placed a metal object-rings, watches, pens-onto a table. Randi was brought in and picked up an object, held it for a moment and then was able to identify it's owner and tell them something about themselves. _Huh, neat party trick. _She got most of them correct and the group looked surprised. More than a few looked uncomfortable. Throughout it all, she had the same unfocused look that she wore when she assessed Ronon's injuries.

There were several reports regarding her capture by the Go'uld and becoming a host. Randi had been sent with SG10 to P43-82X to assist in establishing community-wide medical and mental health treatment programs for survivors of a particularly brutal Go'uld visit. Apparently, the Go'uld had not been pleased with the harvest and gifts provided and had nearly decimated the population. However, one of the local priests, having seen Randi's abilities first-hand, reported them directly to the Jaffa of the Go'uld he served, Sekhmet, via a hidden communication device. Sekhmet, having decided she could only benefit from a host with Randi's abilities, attacked the village again, killing two members of SG10 and capturing her. SG1 tracked her, but it was difficult. The Go'uld possessing her proved to be reclusive and they soon lost any trace of her whereabouts. Many months passed and then Sekhmet and her First Prime, Sulot, simply gated to one of the Beta bases and turned themselves in. According to the report, Sulot said nothing beyond asking SG1 to help Sekhmet. After Randi had regained control of herself, she asked O'Neill to allow Sulot to return to his people with the understanding that he would try to guide them towards joining the Free Jaffa. John looked, but could find no mention of what prompted them to go to the Beta site or to seek out SG1.

With only two more videos left, he decided they were both short enough to finish before his caffeine wore off and he fell asleep. He pressed play on the second-to-last video and was suddenly wide awake. The screams were barely human. Raw and intense they filled his room and overwhelmed him for a moment. He realized that the camera was focused on a cell. Randi was on her knees, behind the bars, clutching her abdomen. Her head reared back in another of the god-awful screams and John was tempted to mute it, but then he heard a voice. It was O'Neill, off to one side of the cell, speaking intently to her. He was crouched down, at her level. "Come on kid, you can do this. You're stronger than it is! It's just a damn snake! You've come this far, just a bit more. Hey, remember that time we..." Randi fell to the side, collapsed on the floor. She was panting for breath, but was looking at O'Neill. "Jack... Jack, please... please, I can't do this... end this for me... it hurts, I want it to end... please, just kill me." She was serious, John could see. The color drained from the General's face, but he didn't waiver, "No! Not going to happen! We are going to get you through this. We-" He was cut off by a deep voice, one John recognized as belonging to the Go'uld. "How much more do you think this body can take, human? She is nearly finished. She will stop fighting soon." Then the screaming began again. John couldn't listen anymore and he stopped the video with another minute left on it.

He reluctantly opened the last video clip. This clip was quiet, but in some ways that made it so much worse. Randi was still in the cell, but was sitting on the floor, in the corner, her knees pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. She was still and her eyes were lifeless. He could hear Jackson speaking quietly into the microphone, almost as if keeping a journal. "It's been five days since there has been any sign of the Go'uld controlling Miranda. However, Randi remains uncommunicative and, while scans show a deterioration in the higher brain functions of the symbiote, we haven't been able to prove that it did not cause damage to Randi as well. Her MRI did not show brain damage, but the psychological damage may be severe." John didn't doubt that. The woman on the screen looked like a shell of the person that he watched in the earlier videos, joking with marines and scientists over pieces of metal.

He powered down the laptop and set it aside. He stared at the wall and tried to clear his mind, but it didn't work. _It's times like these I wish I had taken Teyla up on her offer to teach me advanced meditation. _Running his hand through his messy hair, he thought _fuck, I'll never be able to sleep tonight. _He grabbed a beer and sat on his balcony, his lower legs swinging over the edge. He jumped, sloshing his beer, when he heard her.

"Hey."

He looked to his left, shaking the spilled beer off his hand. "Hey back. Couldn't sleep?"

"Rarely can." He raised his eyebrow and she explained, "I don't require much sleep, because of the..." She gestured to the back of her head. "You? Isn't it past the time for all good Colonels to be in bed?"

"Pretty sure it is, but I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight."

He didn't offer more but soon he heard her speaking quietly. "Yeah, um... sorry about that. Jack shouldn't have given you all that. Or, was it Daniel?"

John turned to look at her. He was seeing her through the bars of the balcony and suddenly it felt like watching her through the cell bars in the video. It made him very uncomfortable. "You knew about that?"

"Your balcony door was open. The volume was up."

_Shit! She heard everything. No wonder she's not sleeping, hearing all that again._ "God, I'm... I'm sorry. I-"

"It's OK. Really," she grinned at the disbelief on his face. The grin definitely did not reach her eyes and, after seeing those first videos of when she was happy, he realized that she very rarely smiled when it was not faked. "Believe me, it's not worse than the memories of it." She was lying and he could tell. It hurt, but he couldn't tell if the hurt was from reliving it, or from the fact that he was now privy to those parts of her life too. She got up and went inside, leaving the door open, but pulling the drapes shut. He could hear her telling Teal'c to go back to sleep.

It was quiet. There was only the sound of the water lapping gently against the piers, barely audible at this distance. There was something different though and it took him a minute to realize that Atlantis' buzzing was a bit louder tonight. He set his beer down and placed both palms on the floor. He could feel his connection to her, thrumming through his blood, and he used that to gain a measure of peace after the night he had.

"_Whatcha doin'?" John drawled, dropping down next to her at the end of the pier._

_"Trying to reach my toes into the water." John grinned at her. She was indeed stretching her leg as far as she could, nearly falling off the end of the pier, but she was still a couple inches over the water. He thought she looked cute, and the intense look of concentration she was giving her task made the whole scene even more endearing._

_"Why?"_

_"Huh?"_

_He reached out and grabbed her, pulling her back when she started to slip off the pier. He kept her held against him for a moment, just enjoying the touch and the feel of her hands clasping his arms. She moved away though and he asked again, "why are you trying to get your toes wet?"_

_"It's relaxing. I want to relax and forget for a while. Haven't you ever just dangled your feet over the edge of a pool?" She got a thoughtful look on her face and tilted her head, like she was listening. "Atlantis has an idea." She jumped up and grabbed his hand, pulling him up and down the pier. They used a transporter and came to an area of the city that John had not seen before. It was dark, but Randi seemed to know where she was going and she continued to hold his hand, leading him through shadowed corridors and to a non-descript door. She smiled, a brilliant smile that reached her eyes and lit up her face. "You're going to love this." _

_When the doors opened, John faced a beautiful scene. The walls weren't quite the typical Ancient style. They were light in color and the designs were more rounded than angled. There were round pillars, cream-colored, and carved with waves. There was very little light, most of it coming from below the water. The room was dominated by a massive pool, easily twice the size of an Olympic-size pool. The rippling water cast a shimmering blue light on the wall panels and gave the place an ethereal feel. He felt Randi's hand slip from his. Like most dreams, he didn't question the inconsistencies, like why they were both in bathing suits now, where they had been dressed before. _

_Randi sat at the edge of the pool and lowered one foot at a time into the water, smiling broadly and sighing happily. He joined her. The water felt warm. "You're right, this is relaxing."_

_"Mmm-hmm." She gave him a contented smile and then reached out and unceremoniously shoved him off the edge. _

_He came up spluttering and shoving his hair out of his eyes. "Hey! That's a declaration of war!" Before she could scramble back, he reached up and grabbed one of her arms and pulled. When she surfaced, she laughed and splashed him. They waged a water-war, splashing and pushing each other under the water and only called a truce when it became clear neither would win. Still laughing, Randi laid back and floated for a while, while John backstroked lazily. _

_They ended up sitting on a bench they found along the edge of the pool, water nearly up to their shoulders. They talked for a while, about movies, music and books. They liked a lot of the same movies, but hardly any of the same books. They were both sudoku addicts, but she didn't enjoy kukoru like John did. They found they both liked country music, though she was more fond of modern country than he. He was thrilled to find she was a Johnny Cash fan, though they quickly realized that she did not know the full repertoire of Cash songs. He teased her about not knowing some of the greatest songs ever written and she teased him about not expanding his musical horizons. Eventually, she rested her head on his shoulder and he let his head lean on hers. He sat like that for a while, her body lightly touching his on the side, her head on his shoulder and he realized he couldn't remember the last time he felt so relaxed and happy. _

_The sound of a klaxon began blaring. _

John slapped off his alarm with a curse and headed for the shower.

At breakfast that morning, John waited for the usual teasing and good-natured insults to die down among his teammates before suggesting a team night. "We'll grab dinner, watch a movie and then... I don't know, talk for a while. It'll be fun!" _Why are they all staring at me? _

Rodney broke the silence. "Yes, Colonel, we might believe that if you had just said your usual laconic 'hey, let's watch a movie.' What are you up to?"

"Nothing!" Seeing that wouldn't work, he added "Look, there is something we need to talk about, but not here. My quarters. 1900."

In his quarters, the team met and snacked while waiting for Rodney. After being called on the radio by John twice and threatened once by Ronon, he finally burst into John's room, a whirlwind of flailing arms and accusations about team leaders demanding his precious time. "Ooh..." Luckily, John knew that McKay was easily distracted by good chocolate. They all chuckled at the reverent way Rodney unwrapped the chocolate and savored the first bite.

"OK, now that we're all _finally_ here, what movie do we want to watch?"

"Oh, no, you've been keeping us in suspense all day, Sheppard! Start talking or I'll tell Conan here to beat you until you talk!"

"Ronon won't listen to you McKay. I'm not worried."

"You should be. I'd do it without McKay telling me to."

John's eyes widened a bit and he looked to Teyla for help, but the look on her face clearly said he was on his own. "OK, fine. I just thought we could relax for a while, but I guess if you guys don't want to hang out-"

Teyla broke in with the tone of voice that John recognized as her I'm-impatient-but-trying-not-to-be voice. He secretly loved it when she did that and he enjoyed baiting her. "John, if you tell us what is on your mind, we will be able to relax better after our discussion."

"Sure, that makes sense." He gave her his best smile and had a fleeting thought about escape routes. _I should have sat closest to the door, in case they freak out._ "OK, you all heard that Baxter has been _reassigned _to Altantis."

"Yeah, the IOA thinks we need her out here, or something?"

"Please Ronon, that's IOA-speak for 'we don't want her around.' They're dropping her on us so they don't have to worry about a Go'uld being under their noses."

"Host." John shot Rodney a strong look. He was feeling sensitive about this subject on Baxter's behalf, after watching her struggle with the Go'uld on the video files. "She's a _host_, not a Go'uld. She's going to be living here now. I admit, I'm still a bit nervous about the Go'uld, but I watched some files that convinced me she did beat that thing." He went on to briefly describe the files he went through, and recapped the conclusion that Keller had confirmed for him today after studying the medical files. "She is in control of it, but she has it's memories and that's messed her up a bit."

Rodney paled. "She has access to _all_ of the Go'uld's memories? But, but, that's thousands of years of evil! Wouldn't that make her evil?"

Ronon's voice was strong "No. If she was, she wouldn't have healed me. Even if she did it for some other reason, she didn't have to be so nice about it."

"I, too, believe that Miranda is in control of her symbiote and has not been made 'evil' by it."

John smiled at Teyla. _Always the voice of reason and sanity around here. Tough job, but she's good at it. _He took a breath and jumped headfirst into the difficult part of this discussion. "General O'Neill has asked me to consider putting Baxter on our team." He noted the surprised looks Teyla and Ronon wore. Rodney looked shocked, and his mouth actually fell open. Before the room was filled with the noise of a McKay Rant, he plowed back in. "He specifically said he won't order her to join any team. And I wouldn't ask her without full team support." He left the unspoken question hanging and there was silence for a moment.

"What do you think, John?"

He looked at Teyla and tried to keep his face clear of expression. He really did not want to influence their decisions. "I have my opinion, but I want to know yours. You're welcome to read her files and mission reports if you want." He had spent much of the day going through mission reports that included Baxter. The early ones showed someone who was green but learned quickly and became a resource to SG1.

"Don't need to. I know everything I need to already. I say give her a shot." John wasn't really surprised by Ronon's statement, seeing how grateful he was to her that he could walk again.

"I also believe she could be an asset, but I fear disrupting the balance of the team. May I see the files?"

Rodney looked back and forth between Teyla and Ronon in disbelief. "Are you serious? She just shows up, heals Ronon, gets left here and we feel sorry for her, so we stick her on the team?"

Teyla put her hand on Rodney's arm. "This is not about feeling sorry for her, Rodney. It is about what is good for the team and Miranda. If she may be of help to us, then do we not owe it to ourselves to try?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine, show us the files."

John settled the laptop between them and went through the files in the same order he had seen them. He showed them the video message from O'Neill and Jackson. At the end, he asked that they not tell anyone, including Keller, about his gene set. "Sometimes I feel like enough of a guinea pig already." They agreed, though Rodney looked at him like he was a puzzle to be solved. Going through the files, he braced himself when he reached the one of Randi fighting the Go'uld. Checking that the balcony door was closed this time, he pressed play. After it ended, there was silence.

Eventually, Rodney spoke up. "Offer her a spot on the team."

John didn't see Randi the next week, except in passing. She was spending all her time with Teal'c, probably because he would be leaving soon. John was spending his time meeting with Caldwell. When he wasn't with Caldwell, he was with Lorne, who had the joyous duty of orienting the military personnel that were rotating into Atlantis. "Have I ever told you how grateful I am that you trust me to handle all of these orientations, sir?"

John grinned at the sarcasm that was practically dripping from the Major's voice. "Not since the last time we got newbies in. If you really enjoy it that much, I can always throw in the performance evals."

"I cannot tell you how much I would enjoy that, Sir."

John chuckled. They had already discussed each of the new arrivals and no one seemed to be raising any red flags. He and Lorne had taken them on the grand tour yesterday and both had been pleasantly surprised that none of them touched any technology they weren't supposed to and didn't blow anything up.

"Colonel?"

"Major?"

"I was wondering what the plans are for Ran-for Ms. Baxter. Has she been assigned any duties?"

Not having had a chance to speak with her about joining his team, he was hesitant to mention it. He told Lorne that her duties were still being worked out. The Major surprised him then. "My team could use another strong fighter. I was thinking about asking Randi to go off-world with my team for a while. Maybe join, if it's a good fit. If that's alright, Sir?"

"Well, Major, we may have to fight over her. I was thinking the same thing about my team." He was amused when Lorne looked surprised, then disappointed. It was so hard to get a reaction from the man. "I don't want to push her into anything though. How about we talk to her together?"

"Sure. She could also work with Ronon and Teyla on hand-to-hand combat training. She's very patient with people who have no training, so she might be good to train some of the scientists. Have you seen her spar?"

"No. Teyla said she's good."

Lorne smiled. "She and Teal'c have been sparring every afternoon. Since he left today, I heard she's planning on fighting Ronon. We should check it out. We could talk to her after that."

John had been there when Randi and Teal'c said goodbye. They shared a hug, some quiet words and Teal'c kissed her forehead in goodbye before he was transported to the Daedalus. When Randi turned around, her face was blank. He went looking for his 2IC shortly after that. He found him on a balcony, not far from their offices. He was holding Randi, his hands stroking her back and hair and her head resting on his shoulder. He had noticed John, but made no move to leave her and neither of them mentioned it once Lorne joined him in the office. John was a little concerned that Lorne's command over Randi, should she join his team off-world, might be compromised by his relationship with her. It seemed to John like there might be more than friendship starting. But, then he realized who he was thinking about. Lorne would be more careful than that and would not allow himself to endanger his team. John could have said no, that Randi would join his team, or none, but Lorne was right. His team could use another strong fighter.

He and Lorne got sidetracked with duty rosters, making them run a few minutes late for the sparring match. As they jockeyed for a viewing place, John thought word must have spread like it did when Ronon and Teal'c had fought last year. It wasn't as crowded, but there was a respectable sized group, though they were watching quietly this time.

Ronon and Randi were sparring with swords, both lined with a resin that one of the scientists had developed. It allowed the blade edge to be coated in the rubbery substance, so the blade wouldn't cut during training. The marines loved it, because it peeled off easily and didn't damage the steel. John had witnessed first-hand how deadly Ronon was with his broad-sword in battle. He found himself focused on Randi's sword though, as he had never seen anything like it, except in the movies. It was long and it looked brutally efficient, but it was not straight or traditional-looking. Past the grip, the blade extended for about six inches, then it turned sharply downward and curved into a sickle shape, sharp on both sides of the curved blade. The end was broad and flat, with two sharp points at either side. Lorne noticed his interest and whispered, "It's a Khopesh sword. It was adopted by the ancient Egyptians and Randi's been using it since she was taken as a host." He went on to explain that the inside curve of the sickle could be used as a blade and could slice a man's throat more cleanly than most swords.

HIs curiosity about the weaponry satisfied, he began to enjoy the scene before him. It wasn't often that he got to see Ronon with a truly challenging sparring partner and it was a sight. They moved quickly and efficiently, swords clanging loudly. Both looked like they were enjoying themselves and they taunted each other. "That all you got, Dex?" followed by, "you wouldn't know. You still haven't managed to get close enough to know what I got." Eyebrows raised at that, but Randi just laughed and lunged again.

She swung from the side towards his torso, but he brought his sword up and, using her momentum against her, pushed her weapon up and away. She should have been able to spin away and that seemed to be what she was intending but, as her head turned, her eyes suddenly found John's and there was a beat of hesitation from her, when she lost her focus. Ronon used it to his advantage, sweeping her right leg out and sending her to the floor. She recovered before he could bring his weapon down on her. Swinging her sword around, she hit the inside of Ronon's outstretched leg, drawing the inside of sickle-blade across the inner thigh in a motion that would have sliced to the bone and severed his femoral artery, had the blade not been covered in resin. His blade was nearly to her though and would nave plunged through her chest. Had this been a real fight, both would have died.

Ronon reached out a hand and helped her up. John heard a scientist, one of the chemists, say to her friend, "I could never do that." Apparently, Randi heard it too, because she was suddenly pulling the petite scientist out onto the floor with Ronon.

She pushed her sword into the woman's hand and told her, "of course you can. Anyone can learn to fight. Think of it like a learned skill, like the things that come easily to you in your lab. I bet there are complicated things you do every day that you don't even have to think about anymore." At the scientist's nod, she continued. "Muscle memory. It's all about training your brain to react quickly so you are not forced to over-analyze in a situation that could mean life or death. You learn a move, practice it daily and it becomes second-nature for your body to react that way." Ronon raised his weapon and began to slowly move it towards her. Randi, her hand on the chemist's wrist, guiding her movements, showed the woman how to perform a simple block and redirect Ronon's strike. They repeated this twice and then Randi removed her hand and Ronon continued the practice movement with the scientist, who was slowly becoming more sure in her actions. After ten times, they were almost at full-speed and the woman was smiling. Randi took the sword from her and told her to practice the movement daily for a week and to come see her if she wanted training.

As the room cleared out, John and Lorne made their way to Randi, who had started for the door. She agreed to join them for dinner after a shower. Waiting for her in the mess, John and Lorne chose a table at the end of the balcony, where they were less likely to be disturbed. John was unsurprised when she sat next to Lorne and had another large meal in front of her. "What's up?"

John looked at her and saw the question was directed at him. He put down his sandwich and leaned back. He knew he looked at ease, but he didn't feel it. Suddenly, he was nervous. He was basically asking a member of SG1 to join his team. _Suck it up, Sheppard. Just talk, already. _"Well, I wanted to ask you to join my team off-world. See how it goes."

Lorne grinned at her and informed her "I'm here to ask you the same thing on behalf of my team."

She raised her eyebrow and looked back and forth at them. "So, if I understand this right... I just got offers from the two best-looking men in Atlantis and now I get to choose?" She smirked, "What, no fighting over me?" John glanced at Lorne, who was grinning and didn't seem surprised, but was blushing. John realized he probably was too.

Lorne replied, "We already did, but it was a draw. Besides, we didn't want to deprive you of either one of us."

Randi laughed loudly. "Oh, please Evan, you're so full of it!" She got serious then and looked at John. "I won't be joining your team. If you need me for a specific mission, then that's fine, but I won't join a team that has been ordered to take me. That's a bad dynamic and it's too dangerous for everyone involved. Evan, I'll think about your offer, OK?"

John leaned forward and grabbed her wrist. She met his eye and he insisted, "I was _not_ ordered to offer you a place on my team. If I was, I would have refused, because I won't do that to my friends. I'm asking because my team, my _entire_ team, wants you to give it a shot."

She withdrew her hand and leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She stayed like that and John was about to say something, but Lorne shook his head. A minute later, she opened her eyes and John noticed that same far-away look she had in the videos he watched. She blinked a few times and finally announced, "To start with, I'll join both teams part-time, going on the missions that seem to need me. Before you ask, Sheppard, I can generally sense which missions I can be useful on. This will give us an idea of which team, if any, I fit with, as well as give me some Pegasus experience. I'm aware that what you face here is not what I'm used to back in the Milky Way. Plus, I still have the 302's to upgrade." She looked to both men. "I have one condition though."

"Just one?" John cracked, but then noted the serious look in her eyes. "OK, what is it?"

"With all the weird shit that we see and all the technology that's out there, it's possible that something could heal Sekhmet. If that happens, if she takes control of me again, I need your word that you'll kill me."

John was shocked at the request, but realized he probably shouldn't have been, after what he saw on the tapes. Lorne was the one to speak first. "God, Randi... We could just bring you back here. You beat it once, you could-"

"No. I'm not going through that again and I won't put the people I care about through that again either. Besides, do you really want a fully-functioning Go'uld with a strong Ancient gene in Atlantis? Your word, Evan, or I'm not going."

Lorne was pissed, John could see that, but he set his jaw and finally said, "Yeah, fine." John just nodded his agreement to her condition.

The Major tapped his radio then, "Lorne here," listened briefly and then announced he had to leave.

Left alone, the silence threatened to turn awkward. "Tell me about the 302 upgrades." Caldwell had just smiled and said "You're going to love it," when John had asked him about the crates of 302 components being delivered to a make-shift lab that Randi had confiscated.

"I'm giving them cloaks."

Johns' eyes widened. "Really?" He tried to convince himself that he didn't sound like a kid at Christmas, but cloaks? "I thought the 302's weren't compatible with Asgard or Ancient cloaks because they have Go'uld technology."

"Yep, which is why I'm building the cloaks myself." She tapped her head, "Go'uld knowledge, Go'uld cloaks. I have to modify them a bit, since the 302 is based on Go'uld design, but was changed significantly by the Tau'ri. It'll take a month or so to get it all done."

"That's awesome." They finished their dinner in silence. "What were you doing? When you had your eyes closed?" John really wanted to know how she came to that decision.

She looked reluctant to answer, but sighed and sat back again, idly swirly her spoon in her leftover soup. "Do you remember me telling Ronon that everything is energy?" When he nodded yes, she continued, "Have you ever gone for a drive and thought, 'I shouldn't turn there today', even if it's your normal route, just to hear later that you would have been involved in a large accident if you had taken that turn?"

"You're talking about intuition?" John hadn't had that exact situation, but he certainly had his share of bad feelings before missions that went south.

"Sort of. Every object, being or action has its own energy. Think intuition, but enhanced by actually being able to read the energy of an event or situation. Like when people say they can go to a battleground and feel the fear and confusion of that day. You can learn to feel things that occurred in the past, that are occurring now, or that haven't happened yet. Time isn't linear, it's circular. You learn that, and you can learn to pick up on things that haven't happened yet, or that did but not in your presence. The feeling of deja vu is another example."

"Okaaay..." John was seriously beginning to rethink asking her to join his team. He half-expected her to bring out crystals and start chanting any minute now. She noticed and rolled her eyes.

"Not you too. Geez, you and Jack. Come on, come with me and I'll show you what I'm talking about."

They made their way to the botany labs. Dr. Parrish was there and looked surprised to have visitors, especially Col Sheppard. "Hi! Can I help you?"

"I want to show Col Sheppard how to sense the energy coming off various plants. Mind if we borrow your lab for a while? I promise we won't hurt anything." Randi flashed him a smile and Parrish didn't seem to notice that John was uncomfortable.

"Oh, of course! The _bagleriolitis hermitim_ in the back is a particularly energetic variety of _hermidids_. I was just about to leave for the night, so if you don't mind, I need to put the lights and temperature controls on nighttime mode."

John stared at Parrish. _He actually knows what she's talking about?_ But, he had to chuckle when Parrish left and Randi turned to him, "Don't suppose you know what a _hermidid_ is?" Parrish had dimmed the lights to replicate a full moon and had decreased the temperature to a comfortable level, though it was still a bit humid.

"Wow, that is a lot of plants." Randi stopped a few feet in the room and then started a circuitous route to a table in the back. As she walked, she picked up a couple of random plants to set on the table. Pulling up two stools, she patted one and he sat next to her. "OK, first thing first. The basics. Hold out your hands in front of you, palms out." He did so and she did the same, her hands a few inches away from his. "I want you to concentrate on trying to feel my hands, even though they are not technically touching yours."

"Technically touching? They're not touching at all."

Randi just grinned and then bent the index finger of her right hand, and began drawing small circles with it. It came within an inch of his left hand, but did not touch it. John's eyes grew wide as he realized he could feel her finger, feather-lite even though they did not touch. She was watching his reaction and when she saw the moment he could feel her, told him to close his eyes, but to keep his hands up. "I want you to tell me when my hands meet yours." _OK, sure, whatever, tell you when your hands touch mine, easy enough. Hmm, it smells kind of good in here, like fruit and spice. I wonder what plant in here smells like peppers, I didn't see any that-OK, there's her hands._

"I can feel your hands." He opened his eyes and was startled to see that her hands were still 4 inches from his. They weren't touching at all, but he could feel her hands.

"We're made of energy and we can sense each other's energy, if we are trained to. It's how we can get a bad vibe from someone. That's our ancient instinct of survival kicking in. Over the generations, we've lost the ability to do what our ancestors did, to read the land, the air and each other. It helped them survive." She turned to the plants sitting on the table. "Shamans throughout Earth have communicated with plants. The plants teach them about what the plant can be used for-what medicine it holds, which parts are edible, etcetera. We're going to do something similar. Can you tell why I picked these two plants?"

John examined them. One had a yellowish tint at the edges of it's leaves. The other looked... droopy? "They're not healthy," he finally replied.

"Right. You're going to find out why."

"What? I'm not a botanist! If they can't figure it out, how am I going to?"

"I doubt they've tried asking the plant directly. Pick a plant to start with. Focus your attention on it. Feel it's energy. Explain you want to help. Ask it to show you what it needs, or what is wrong. Go with your first impression and don't try to analyze it. That's where you can mess it up. The plant tells you one thing and you decide it means something else. Go ahead and try it."

John caught her eye and, seeing she was serious, sighed and pulled the plant on the right closer to him. "Um, hi plant." He gave Randi a sharp look when she giggled.

"You don't have to speak out loud, John."

"Oh, right." He looked back to the plant. _OK, this is weird. I hope there aren't any cameras in here. Focus, John. Hi, plant. I'm John and I'm feeling really stupid right now. How are you? Actually, you do look sick. You're yellow and starting to wilt. Too much water, or not enough? No, no. I'm supposed to let you tell me. Alright, here we go... _He concentrated on the plant in front of him and nothing else. _ Whoa! Really? Uh, OK. I'll see what I can do. _

"John?"

He turned to find Randi looking at him, curiosity on her face. "It needs iron. There's not enough in the soil here. Iron shavings would work."

She was beaming at him. "That's great. We'll find some. Now, this little one." She handed him the plant with the droopy leaves.

This time was faster and he did not feel so self-conscious. "Light, it needs more light than just during the day." He turned on a florescent lamp-light and placed the plant under it. He tapped his radio. "Sheppard to McKay." _"What is it, Colonel?" _"Where would I find iron shavings, Rodney?" _"What? This is what you call me for? Iron shavings? Have you been in Radek's hooch again?" _"Come on Rodney, just tell me where I can find them." _"Metallurgy probably has some. Are you done bugging me? Can I get back to work?" _"Yes, Rodney. Thank you."

After querying Atlantis to find the metallurgy lab, _seriously, I never would have thought we had one of those_, John and Randi managed to convince a creepy mad-looking scientist to hand over a vial of iron shavings. "He was leering at you," he whispered to Randi as they left the lab.

She grinned and answered, "I wasn't the only one he was leering at."

"What! Really?"

Randi looked concerned at his distress. "A man being attracted to you bothers you?"

"No, it's not my thing, but I don't care if a man likes another man. I am bothered by _that_ man leering at me though. Seriously, he has the mad scientist thing down pat, doesn't he?"

Randi looked relieved. "He does. I think we may have to warn McKay that one of his staff is plotting to take over the world. You didn't see a white cat in there, did you?"

He snickered and opened the transporter for them to return to the botany lab. They turned up the dirt around the plant and poured some of the iron filings in around the roots, then replaced the dirt. Randi left a note, which John read over her shoulder. _Parrish- please leave these plants alone. I'll explain later. Thanks, Baxter_

When Randi grabbed him after lunch the next day and led him to botany, he smiled when he saw his plants were already looking better. "It worked!"

"Of course it did. You gave them just what they needed."

_The sun was shining on his face and he was enjoying the breeze blowing through his hair and cooling him through his t-shirt. He smiled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. _

_"John?" She sounded concerned when he didn't respond, "Everything alright?"_

_"Yeah, everything's great. I was just trying to sense you coming up on me."_

_He heard her soft laugh and felt her hand slip away, sliding down his bicep. "Did it work?"_

_"I heard your footsteps." He cracked an eye to look at her. "Does that count?"_

_"No! That's cheating. And I need quieter shoes." She glared at her feet and he laughed. _

_She was startled when he brought his hands up to either side of her face, but didn't touch her. "I want to try..." She nodded in encouragement and he furrowed his brow in concentration, trying to sense her, learn what her energy felt like. Keeping his hands a few inches from her, he ran his hands over her face, hair and neck. She closed her eyes and smiled. "Can you feel that?" _

_She nodded and licked her lips. "It feels good. Kind of like a massage." John smiled then. He may not be able to sense her, but he could give her a massage. Still keeping his hands off her, he began to rub circular motions over her temples, make kneading motions over her neck, making the motions deeper when she moaned. He was about to move over her scalp, but he felt something then, a jolt of enjoyment, of happiness that wasn't his. He froze and stared at her. When she opened her eyes, he smiled. "I think I... felt you." She smiled back and he started massaging her neck again, moving down to her shoulders, enjoying the look of pleasure on her face. _

_His hands were hovering over the back of her neck, alternating between making circles and kneading motions, causing her to lean further towards him. He felt a movement in her neck, and suddenly Randi was stiff and pulling away. "I'm sorry, John. I... she... moved. Sorry." Before he could assure her that it was OK, that it didn't bother him, she had disappeared._

John woke before the alarm went off. He was hard and aching. The dream had been unbelievably sensual, which he thought was strange, since they weren't actually touching in the dream. He sighed and got up, heading for the bathroom. He thought the shower on and directed Atlantis to make the water cold. He could get rid of his erection in a much more pleasant way, but he didn't want to start thinking of his newest teammate that way.

Over the next month, Randi began to integrate into the community on Altantis. She was hard to find, because she was always busy. John learned quickly that, to avoid wasting time, the best way to locate her was to ask Atlantis for help. She was frequently off-world, both with SGA1 and SGA2. They had only been going on milk-run missions so far, follow-up trade negotiations or checking in with established allies. The idea was for Randi to get used to the teams and vice versa. If they were comfortable with each other, it decreased the chances of something going wrong when they did encounter a dangerous situation. Lorne and John both caught her trying to bite her tongue sometimes, like she wanted to correct them or make a suggestion. John was glad she held her tongue. He wasn't really into taking strong-armed suggestions from the newest member of him team. But Lorne reminded him of the amount of experience she had and that it was the reason she was on the teams to begin with. He told himself he would ask her opinion the next time he caught her holding back.

While in Atlantis, she was working with Teyla and Ronon on hand-to-hand combat training, but she worked primarily with scientists who were timid about training. From what Teyla said, Randi treated them like they were natural-born fighters that just had to learn technique and it seemed to give them confidence. The marines enjoyed escorting her during her trips to parts of the city that hadn't been explored yet. She and Zalenka had made it a regular event. From what the marine escorts and Radek told John, it seemed that Randi had a sixth sense about where to look for the cool things that Atlantis was hiding. Radek certainly seemed to enjoy the trips and Lorne had started joining them. Chuck was running a pool on what she, Radek and Lorne would find during their next excursion. She attended the senior staff meetings with the rest of SGA1 and Lorne. Woolsey seemed to gradually be warming to her.

She spent most of her spare time in the lab that she had claimed for the 302 cloaking project. If she was able to make it work in Atlantis, she would build more cloaks and send them on the Daedalus for Col Carter to install in the Earth 302s. She seemed withdrawn at dinner one night, after having spent the day in her lab. Teyla noticed.

"Miranda, is there something bothering you?"

Randi looked around and sighed. "I don't know. I get the feeling there's something wrong with the cloaks, but I can't put my finger on it. I spent all day analyzing them, but I couldn't find anything."

"McKay can check them for you."

"What? Oh, thank you so much for volunteering me, Ronon! Like I don't have enough to do already!" He scowled at Ronon's grin. "Fine, fine, send me the schematics."

"There's nothing wrong with the schematics. It's with the physical components," Randi elaborated.

McKay rolled his eyes dramatically and John almost called him on it. Rodney wasn't convinced that Randi could "read energy" and had told John more than once that he thought Randi was probably raised in a hippie commune where she had inhaled too much second-hand pot smoke. "Right. Well, bring one to my lab tomorrow then."

"Thanks, Rodney." He just shrugged at Randi and kept eating.

John checked with Rodney the next day. He said he examined the cloaking device that Randi brought him and didn't find anything wrong. He grudgingly admitted that the design itself was good and would probably work well. He reported that Randi insisted on more examination and that he turned it over to Zalenka, as he didn't have time for a "wanna-be scientist that doesn't have enough confidence in her own work." John was inordinately pleased to hear the underlying compliment to Randi.

John woke several times to the chilling sounds of blood-curdling screams. The first time, he tore out of his quarters and used his status as Atlantis' favorite to open the door to Randi's quarters. She woke at the barely-there-sound of the door and he stopped when she raised the zat. She blinked and dropped the zat, looking mortified at seeing him there. She simply said "Thanks, Sheppard, but I'm fine," and went into the bathroom until he left. The next time he used the buzzer and left after he heard her call "I'm fine." The next day Lorne handed him a datapad full of requests and requisitions he needed to sign off on. One was a room change request, for one Miranda Baxter, to a portion of the residential section that was sparsely occupied. He denied that one and approved the others. He expected her to say something, but she didn't mention it when he saw her the next day. He stopped running to her quarters when he hears her, but he does listen and radios her if she doesn't wake quickly. Within a few weeks, the nightmares became less frequent, but did not stop.

Eventually, Randi requested to borrow Zalenka and two other engineers from Rodney. He shooed them away, acting as if he was glad to be rid of them, and then turned to John, who was hanging out in the lab for no other reason than to bug McKay, to gripe about how far behind this would set him.

"How far behind with what, McKay?"

"I don't know! But I'm sure Zalenka and his engineering geeks are days away from some breakthrough that Baxter's distracting them from." He slapped John's hand away from the laptop and threatened him with cold showers for a month if he didn't leave him alone. It wasn't much of a threat, since John had voluntarily been taking quite a few cold showers recently, but he wasn't about to tell Rodney that.

He left the lab and decided to head for the 302 bay. _I might as well be useful and help install the cloaks._ _I might even learn something._ He tried to tell himself it had nothing to do with spending more time with Randi. He rounded a corner and nearly ran into Lorne and Zalenka, who were standing close together, whispering. Lorne jumped back and Zalenka pushed his glasses up his nose. "Everything OK, guys?" Lorne looked jumpy.

"Yes, Sir."

"Uh, no, actually, Colonel. It seems Randi still convinced that there is problem with cloaking device. She does not want to test them! But, I have checked! I see no problem. Even Rodney checked, and no problem!"

"OK," he had to fight a smile. The Czech scientist could be amusing when he got flustered. Well, when it wasn't in a live-or-die situation anyway. "I'll talk to her."

They got to 302 bay in time to see marines off-loading crates. Radek explained that each crate contained a cloaking device. The IOA was demanding results, so ten would be installed and tested by the end of the week. Randi had argued for only one or two to be tested at first, but Woolsey overruled her and ordered that ten, a full fifth of their 302 complement, be outfitted and then tested. After the meeting, John had tried to convince Woolsey himself. Woolsey looked tired when he said he had his orders to follow as well.

Randi saw them enter. "Great. Evan, you can help Radek with installations. Each one takes a while, so we'll do three teams. John, can you stick around and help me?" He and Lorne had both planned on spending a couple days on this project. They were highly invested in making sure the cloaks worked. John couldn't recall how many times he had invaded a Wraith ship and wished for a cloaked 302 to help with the job. He nodded and she turned to the two engineers, "Jansen and Koburn, you will be team 3. When we get set up, I'll demonstrate the first install, then we'll divide the remaining nine among us."

John pulled Randi aside, behind one of the fighters, where they weren't likely to be interrupted. "Zalenka says you're still worried about the cloaks working right."

She squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and finger. When she looked up she sighed. "I can't find anything wrong. The schematics are fine, structurally they appear fine and they perform fine in simulations. But... something about them feels _wrong_."

He didn't want to upset her, but it's all he could come up with, since the tests were all negative. "Is it possible that it feels wrong because the knowledge came from Sekhmet?"

She signed again and nodded. "Yeah, I've been wondering about that too. It's just... usually, when I have a feeling like this, someone gets hurt."

"We'll take every precaution. Hell, we're even testing them on the ground first."

"I know. Let's get to work." She didn't look like she felt any better.

The next day was the day of the test. John groaned when he climbed out of bed. _I am not getting any younger_. The previous day had been exhausting. Each install took three hours and involved contorting his body so that it would fit inside the open belly of the 302. If it hadn't been so uncomfortable, he might have enjoyed being that close to Randi. As it was, he was waking up sore and stiff in his back and neck.

He went for a quick run to loosen up, then showered and grabbed some breakfast in the mess. Lorne and Zalenka were sitting with his team and he pulled up a chair to join them. Lorne raised his brow when he saw the tender way John was favoring his back. "Yesterday catching up with you, Sir?"

John glared at him and noticed that he, Radek and Randi all seemed fine. He expected that from Randi; she had the symbiote to heal her. "Thanks for your concern, Major. Why aren't you and Radek sore?"

Lorne's face blanked and Randi spoke up. "You left dinner before we did. I made them do stretching exercises. I wanted everyone to be fresh and alert for today. Guess I should have made you stay." Lorne relaxed and Radek smiled at Randi. John felt like he was missing something, but was too tired to care.

The entire team decided to witness the test. Rodney justified his presence by saying they would probably need him there. Radek rolled his eyes, "Rodney we have not needed you this entire time. Go, be important somewhere else." They bickered the rest of the way to the bay. John was keeping an eye on Randi though and he could see her hesitation as she booted up the system that would activate all ten cloaks at once. Lorne noticed it too. He put his hand on her shoulder and whispered something to her. Randi nodded and gave him a small smile. John looked away.

A few minutes later, she was activating the test. One by one, 302s disappeared from the bay, leaving what appeared to be a gap of 10 fighters. Several of the engineers that had assisted were present and started cheering. Woolsey made a brief comment and congratulated Randi before excusing himself. Randi, Rodney and Zalenka walked among the invisible fighters, recording readings on their datapads. When they were done, Randi shut it down and all ten fighters reappeared. More readings were taken and the crowd dispersed. John stood with Lorne, Teyla and Ronon, excitedly discussing what they would do with a cloaked 302. Ronon was describing an impossible stunt in a Wraith ship that had Lorne getting excited and jumping in to add his ideas. Teyla was smiling indulgently at them.

John was half-listening to Rodney bickering with Randi and Radek. He turned to them when he heard Rodney exclaim, "This can't be right."

He walked over. "Problem, Rodney?"

"Yes, there's something wrong with these readings. The second set of readings show a rising heat signature in the cloak. The cloak doesn't give off much heat and it definitely wouldn't be rising after it's turned off. Hey!"

Randi had grabbed his pad and was comparing it to hers and Radek's. "Shit!"

She dropped the pad and ran to the nearest modified 302, picking up the specialized lever that they used to open the belly of the fighter. Rodney ran to another fighter and put his hand on the bottom, "it's warm!"

Randi pushed the tip of the lever into the fitted slot, using it to push the locking mechanism out of the way. The hatch fell open and John could feel the heat from where he stood behind Randi. "What's happening?"

"They're overheating. We need to pull them, now, or they'll overheat the engine core." She was already reaching in, yanking wires and cursing while she fought to get the cloak out. She was causing considerable damage to the engine to do so and he could see Rodney and Radek were doing the same to two other fighters.

"I thought you turned them off." Ronon looked confused, but wary.

"I did. They shouldn't be overheating." She moved to the next fighter, where John had already begun levering open the door. This one was hotter than the first. "They're getting hotter fast. If we don't get them out in time, they'll heat the naquada engine core and cause it to blow."

"Lorne! Start evacuating this part of the city and get a shield up around it!" Lorne ran out, already following John's orders and shouting his own orders into his radio. Ronon and Teyla picked up levers and opened up the rest of the fighters, but they hadn't helped with the install and didn't know what to pull. John had to pull his sleeves over his hands to get into the fourth fighter he was helping Randi with. Ronon had gone to help Radek and Teyla was assisting Rodney. They were each working on their second cloak, not having Randi's strength to pull it out along with pieces of the engine. Radek and Rodney both cried out and pulled their hands back, blisters forming. Finishing with the fighter they were on, Randi ran to Rodney's 302 and reached in, grimacing. She pulled the cloak and dropped it, running to do the same with Radek's. Her hands were covered in blisters from the rising heat and John pulled her hand away when she tried to reach into the ninth fighter. "You're hands..."

"John, I'll be fine. Sekhmet can heal me." She was already reaching into the engine compartment and John could see waves of heat emanating from inside. "We don't have time to set up any tools to get these out," she forced out between clenched teeth. She pulled her hands back and they were red, raw and bleeding, the blisters having popped. He could vaguely hear Teyla calling on the radio for a medical team and buckets of cool water. Randi stumbled to the last 302, where the cloak was glowing orange from the heat.

"Fuck!" John cringed, cursing when he saw her take a breath and shove her hands inside the hot engine. She cried out and her face was pained, but she soon dropped the cloak on the floor. She stumbled back a step and John wrapped his arms around her from behind, lowering her to the ground. He rested her head on his lap and tried not to look at her arms. The smell of burned flesh filled the bay and John could see the blackened flesh on her hands and forearms. Her face was singed, but not badly and he stroked her hair, murmuring to her words that he later couldn't recall. She looked into his eyes and her eyes flashed gold for moment before she passed out.

As he yelled impatiently for a medical team, the others gathering around them, he became aware of Atlantis again. In the panic of the moment, he had failed to register her buzzing. It sounded different now. If he had to describe it, he would have to say that Atlantis sounded angry.

Several hours later, her arms were already looking much better, if you could call red and raw-looking, better. There was no longer the smell of burned flesh, thank God, and Randi was awake and trying to convince Dr. Keller that the Go'uld would have her good as new by morning. Keller looked skeptical but couldn't deny that Sekhmet had already made incredible progress in healing her arms. Randi only seemed to need some sterile gauze sleeves that kept the air from stinging the fresh wounds. Keller had insisted on some heavy-duty pain meds and, even though her metabolism as a host required a high dose, it did not seem to knock her out. She assured the doctor that the drugs were keeping her comfortable. Keller agreed to release her on the condition that she be allowed to rerun a few tests to make sure there was no change. Randi also had to agree to an early morning check-up in the infirmary. Keller turned her attention to Marie, the nearest nurse, "Get an EKG machine, the burn analyzer and the scanner, please."

"And get the machine that goes _bing_!" Randi added. Keller looked confused, but John snorted and burst out laughing. Rodney quickly joined him and Miranda gave them a little smile.

"Oh, my God, you're a closet Monty Python fan!" Rodney exclaimed.

"There's no closet McKay, I love Monty Python," her smile growing.

John saw Teyla and Ronon exchange their usual look when there was a cultural reference they didn't understand, the look that said _Do you know what they're talking about?_ and _No, but they are clearly insane._ But this time, they were both smiling openly and John realized that his team had needed this as much as he had. They all needed to know that Randi could smile and laugh and interact with them on this level. To know that she wasn't damaged beyond repair. To know that she would sacrifice for them as much as they would sacrifice for each other. Maybe this would work out after all.

Since her hands were still too burned to be able to feed herself and she absolutely refused any assistance with the task, Ronon sweet-talked (and John found that thought a bit disturbing) one of the cooks into making a huge smoothie for her. Lorne stopped by to check on her, and apologized for not staying, since he was on duty. After eating, John walked her to her quarters.

"I'm fine, you know. You don't have to do this."

"Well, considering you're my next-door neighbor, it's not much of a hassle," he grinned. Then he caught sight of her arms again and the grin disappeared. He turned towards her and lowered his eyes. He was never good at this stuff. "Randi, look... um, I know we may not have gotten off on the right foot when you first arrived, but... well, I'm glad you were here today. I mean, I'm glad you _are_ here. And, thanks. Thank you for what you did today."

She didn't respond and he looked up to find her studying him. He met her eyes and it was her turn to stumble. John felt a little pleased that he was not the only one that was uncomfortable with this. "I'm glad I was able to help today and thank you for taking care of me. I know I can be a pain and I may come off a little strong sometimes... but, you gave me a chance and I... appreciate that. More than you know. I know I was forced on you and-"

"No," he cut her off. "I mean, yeah, you were, sort-of. But, it's good. I think it just might work out." He was surprised at how much he wanted her to feel the same way.

She smiled, one of her rare real smiles. "Maybe," her smile changed to a mischieveous grin. "But I think I should warn you. I probably won't ever be less of a pain in the ass than I am now."

He matched her grin. "That's alright, I can deal with it. I am used to dealing with McKay after all."

That got him an indignant "Hey!" She started to swat at him but remembered her hands and softly kicked him on his boot and chuckled. "OK, I'm going to bed now. I'm actually tired."

"Do you need help with anything?" he gestured at her clothes. _Shit, what did I say that for?_

She raised her eyebrow and grinned. Dammit, she even looked a bit smug. "I think I'll manage, but maybe I'll take you up on the offer later." Oh, this was just the standard and harmless flirting she seemed to do with a lot of the expedition. He could do that.

"Looking forward to it."

She rolled her eyes and stepped into her quarters with a smile. "'Night John."

_They were in the gym, sparring hand-to-hand. She was going easy on him, he knew, but he was having too much fun to care. Suddenly, he found he had an advantage and he pushed her back to the wall, forearm across her throat and his right hand pinning her left arm above her head. She made no attempt to extricate herself. "Don't tell me you don't know how to get out of this," he panted. _

_"I know how, I'm just trying to decide if I want to." His eyes widened and met hers. She was grinning and he realized his mistake too late. He had left his legs balanced improperly, putting most of his effort into holding her upper body. She swept his feet out from under him and pinned him to the ground, straddling his waist and holding both his wrists down._

_"Now I'm the one trying to make a decision." _

_She smiled and rolled off him, laying next to him on the mat. She closed her eyes as she caught her breath and he took the chance to look over her. She was wearing a black tank top and red running shorts. Her arms were toned and he tried not to stare too long at the way her breasts rose with each breath. His eyes skimmed down to her legs, her very nice legs, and he noticed a scar midway up her thigh. It was large and looked like a burn mark._

_"Staff blast," she said when she caught him staring, "I got lucky. The wall I was diving behind caught most of the blast." She stood and reached out, pulling him up. She touched the right side of his neck, where it met his shoulder. "What's this from?"_

_"Iratus bug. Latched onto me like a leech." She made a face and he added, "yeah, I hate those damn bugs." He noticed a small scar just below her collarbone. "What happened?"_

_"Bullet. Daniel was possessed by a half-ascended Go'uld and was shooting up the gateroom."_

_"Hmm, I hate it when that happens."_

_She laughed. "You have a scar on your forehead."_

_"Yeah, jumper crash. Nasty concussion with it too. Got some good drugs out of it." He was curious about one scar in particular. It stood out in stark contrast to her skin. He reached to her neck and wrapped his fingers around to her nape, softly stroking the vertical scar that was there. "And this?"_

_She was quiet for a moment, and he continued to caress the old injury. "Go'uld entry wound." He could barely hear her, she spoke so softly. _

_"Why didn't it heal?"_

_"System Lords intentionally keep the entry scars on their hosts. It's a mark of dominance." She didn't try to remove his hand from her neck. She reached down and her thumb traced a scar on his right forearm. _

_He didn't wait for her to ask. "I was attacked by a Wraith that was infected with a retrovirus. It started turning me into a giant version of one of those iratus bugs."_

_"It turned you into something you hate. I know the feeling." He didn't know what to say to that and so they just stayed like that, memorizing each other's scars. _

_"They're like road maps to how we got to where we are now," she whispered, her index finger tracing an outline of the scar on his forearm. _

_John raised an eyebrow, "how poetic," he deadpanned. _

_"Oh, shut up." John was enjoying the sparkle in her eye and the grin that told him she was relaxing again and enjoying herself with him. He hadn't seen her quite like this before. _

_"Make me." _

_She looked up sharply and caught the smirk on his face. "You shouldn't tempt me, John." Her voice was soft and low and sent a shiver through him. She moved for the door, slapping his ass as she walked past. He stared after her, mouth open in surprise, but then turning into a grin. _

**** The historical information on Sekhmet came from The Quest for Immortality: Treasures of Ancient Egypt (Hornung, E., Bryan, B.) and Who's Who in Egyptian Mythology (Mercatante, A.)**


	6. Chapter 6

I know, I took way too long to post. But, I was sick, so I hope you'll forgive me. I really appreciate all the people who have marked this story and are following it! Reviews are appreciated too!

OK, after the last chapter was posted, I found that the trick I used to mark the beginning and end of dreams didn't work, so I'm trying asteriks this time and I'm just writing Dream and End of Dream. *** will (hopefully) show up before and after the dreams, which are entirely in italics. Random words/sentences that are in italics are still John's thoughts. I also noticed my page breaks didn't show up, so hopefully this chapter will be easier to read. I think I got it figured out now! In my mind this is taking place when Woolsey hasn't been on Atlantis very long. It's not terribly flattering to him.

* The bold printed lines are song lyrics and they belong to Johnny Cash's classic, A Boy Named Sue. It's really a fun song. You can see the lyrics and listen to a live version of it at this link. .

**Chapter 6**

At the briefing the next morning, Woolsey addressed the usual group, John, Lorne, Teyla, Rodney, Ronon and Randi. Radek was also present to assist in the analysis of the situation-more accurately, to help diffuse Rodney around Woolsey. John is situated on Woolsey's right, with Rodney sitting next to him, mumbling over a datapad and gulping down coffee. He looks up as Lorne walks in with Randi, two marines trailing them. John shoots a questioning look to Lorne and he responds by inclining his head towards Woolsey. Woolsey addresses the SFs "You can wait outside," and John notices the suspicious way he looks at Randi. _Shit_. Ronon and Teyla appear to have read the situation as well and Ronon is openly glaring at Mr. Woolsey now. McKay is still engrossed in his datapad and doesn't seem to realize everyone is now present.

"We are here to discuss the incident that occurred yesterday-"

John tried not to smirk when Teyla interrupted Woolsey, he really did. But, if his face looked anything like his 2IC's, he should probably hide behind a coffee mug. "Excuse me Mr. Woolsey, but I would like to inquire as to the state of those that were injured in yesterday's events." She looked to Radek and Randi, who were seated together to the left of Lorne across from John.

Zalenka pushed his glasses back up his nose and glanced around. "Ah, I am fine, Teyla, thank you for asking. Randi was kind enough to come to lab this morning and heal Rodney and myself. We only suffered minor burns." McKay looked up briefly and muttered something unintelligible. Randi just held up her hands as proof that she was alright. Besides some pink fingers, she looked good as new.

Teyla inclined her head and smiled. "I am glad you are well. Thank you for putting yourselves in harm's way to prevent a disaster." She looked pointedly at Woolsey, who had the good graces to look a bit uncomfortable.

"Well, yes, we are all glad you are alright." Woolsey folded his hands on the table in front of him and leaned forward. "Ms. Baxter, this was your project. Would you like to explain what went wrong?"

"I'd love to, but I have no idea." John saw her scrunch up her brow. "I thought there was something wrong. Something felt _off_. But, we ran every test we could think of and everything came back fine." Radek nodded his agreement.

"Obviously, everything was not 'fine'." Woolsey was staring at Baxter.

She turned to him and her eyes flashed gold. John was not as freaked out by that as he was at first, having seen it a few times by now, but Woolsey jumped a bit. "Really? And here I thought it went so well."

Her sarcasm seemed to fuel Woolsey's determination. "I find it interesting that you were the one to try to stop the tests when it was your project. Why did you do that?"

Radek, seeing the tension building, spoke up. "I work closely with Randi in last stage of project, Mr. Woolsey. She told me she felt..." he made a motion with his hand, trying to remember the exact words "felt funny feeling in her gut. I check cloaks, but no problem. I agreed to test too."

John noticed Rodneys head shoot up at Radek's statement, but he had an expression that clearly said 'I'm thinking, don't mess with me.'

"I appreciate your honesty Dr. Zalenka. However, it is not your actions that I am questioning. I find it interesting, Ms. Baxter, that you tried to stop your own test. It seems a likely way to throw suspicion off yourself."

"Yeah, throwing suspicion off myself. That's obviously what happened." Randi was getting more sarcastic and testy. John saw Lorne sneak a hand over to her arm, but she pulled away.

_Unbelievable! Not only does he post _my_ men to guard her without telling me, but he didn't even discuss this with me before accusing a member of my team of sabatoge. And she's not really helping either, with the pissy remarks. _"Mr. Woolsey, before we assume that this was intentional, we need to conduct a full investigation. I'll have-" John was cut off by McKay, who was looking to Randi.

"Your gut?"

"McKay," John growled, irritated at being interrupted.

He just made a dismissive hand motion in John's direction and looked back to Randi. At her confused look, Rodney huffed and exclaimed "You told Radek that you had a funny feeling in your gut. But, when you first came to Atlantis, I asked you about your _precognitive abilities_" he made quotation marks with his fingers. "You said then that it wasn't your gut, but just something that you knew. What was different?"

"McKay, what are you getting at?" John didn't think he was the only one that was not following Rodney's train of thought.

He waved an irritated hand again and, still staring at Randi, replied "Give me a minute. What was different, Randi?"

"Um, I don't know really. It was a subtle feeling."

He looked back to his datapad for a moment. "Yes, yes! You can sense naquada, can't you?"

"Yeah, Rodney. Any Go'uld host or former host can. We have it in our blood."

"Exactly!" Rodney was getting excited now. John noticed the I-just-solved-a-problem-that-no-one-else-ever-could-have grin on his friend.

"Dr. McKay, would you care to explain?" Woolsey sounded like he was losing patience.

"Yes, of course, but I think it would be better demonstrated in my lab." With that, he got up and walked out, sticking his head back in a moment later. "What? Are you all deficient or something? Come on!"

On their walk to the lab, Rodney and Radek were whispering back and forth, leading the group down the hall. As Rodney talked, Radek grew more animated. John was growing more curious. He noticed that he and Lorne were walking on either side of Randi, with Teyla in front of her and Ronon directly behind. They had unconsciously built a wall around her to keep the SFs and Woolsey from her.

Inside the lab, Rodney had laid out all the cloaking devices, not just the ones that had been tested yesterday. Those were easy to distinguish, as they were damaged and some had black marks along the edges. "I picked up some anomalous readings off all the cloaking devices that were tested yesterday. But, it wasn't present on all of the others. I didn't realize what it meant until a few minutes ago." He stepped to the side and indicated the spread of small devices with his hand. "Randi, pick out the ones with the anomalous readings."

She looked at him like he was crazy and made no move to step forward. Apparently, Lorne was as frustrated with the whole situation as John was, because he practically growled at the scientist. "McKay, just tell us what the hell is going on."

"Well, I would, but I, ah... I still need to prove my hypothesis." He straightened up, "Not that I'm wrong, of course. Randi, just examine them, OK?"

Randi was staring at him. She finally shrugged and mumbled something John didn't catch but made Radek chuckle. She stood in front of the table that contained the faulty cloaks from the test. She moved to the next table. She quickly moved to the third table and a surprised look came over her face. She glanced over her shoulder at McKay, and then began moving the untested devices, separating them into a large pile and a much smaller pile that consisted of only five cloaks. She pointed to the small pile and said "These are fine." Walking to the larger pile, she picked up a cloak and turned to McKay. "These are the ones with anomalous readings."

Radek and McKay scanned the cloaks and Radek grinned. "She is correct. Most of devices have been altered."

"Altered how?" John was surprised to hear Ronon finally speak up.

"They have too much naquada. It's a miniscule amount, but just enough to cause overheating and a damn huge explosion if allowed to heat the naquada engine to an overload." McKay looked pleased, until he recalled just how close they had come to multiple huge explosions. "It's not enough to be noticeable unless you were looking for it. It came to me when Radek said Randi had a funny feeling in her gut! I remember Colonel Carter and Teal'c once saying they could sense naquada or the presence of a Go'uld by a feeling in their stomach, like a tingling." He looked around, obviously disappointed that everyone wasn't more excited about his discovery.

"That's why they didn't feel right. Too much naquada, but not enough that I could pinpoint it. Good job, McKay." Randi grinned at Rodney, but it was forced and he just nodded back to her.

"Thank you, Dr. McKay. Now we need to know how the extra naquada was added." Woolsey looked at McKay.

Rodney threw his hands up and then crossed his arms and glared at Woolsey. "Oh, I'm sorry, is one brilliant discovery in the last hour not enough, hmm? How the hell do I know?"

Randi sighed. "It had to happen at the SGC. That's where we assembled the cores. In a quarantine lab on level 23. We used weapons grade naquada, but it was closely monitored. I'm not sure where they got the extra to put in the cloaks."

"What about the Daedalus? Could the sabotage not have occured there?"

"No, Teyla, the cores were sealed shut with an Asgard tool that mimics welding. The naquada core cannot be reached without cutting through the trinium shell. I would have noticed that when I finished assembling and programming them."

"What about those five?" Lorne pointed to the small pile of unaltered cloaks.

"The IOA didn't like me playing with weapons grade naquada too much, so I was allowed to build only five myself, in order to demonstrate proper technique."

"The IOA had their reasons for that, and they seem to have been justified. Ms. Baxter, you will be escorted to the brig and will remain there until further notice." Woolsey turned to leave, but Lorne and Ronon blocked his path.

John found himself being the voice of reason to keep his people from breaking the rules and getting into trouble. The irony was not lost on him. "Let him go guys. _Now_. Ronon, Teyla, go with the SFs and make sure Baxter gets settled OK. Lorne, my office, one hour. Rodney, Radek-keep working. Whatever you can come up with." John followed Woolsey out and all the way to his office before he spoke.

"Sir, are you keeping information from me?"

Woolsey looked genuinely surprised. "No, Colonel. Why would you think that?"

"Well," John drawled, ignoring his boss' invitation to sit, "you seem pretty sure that Baxter is to blame, even though she's the only one who really saved us yesterday."

"She's also the one to put us in that position."

"You're assuming she did so intentionally. She was testing an experiment. It went south and she fixed it. There's no evidence that she did anything wrong."

"Not yet, but after we file our reports with the databurst tomorrow, the SGC will conduct an investigation. If they report back that the evidence places the blame elsewhere, then Ms. Baxter will be released."

"And if they don't find anything?"

"Then I believe our safest option is to contain the possibility of further threat."

John bit down on his anger. It wouldn't help now. "Lock her up forever? So what, we're operating on guilty till proven innocent now? Forget proving if she's guilty. You want to lock her up until there's proof that she's innocent!" He leaned forward, placing his fists on Woolsey's desk. "I know you're still pretty new here, but this isn't how we operate. And I am still the Officer in charge of security here." He walked out without saying another word.

Two hours later, he is ready to pull his own hair out. Which is not something he threatens lightly. He's met with Lorne to set up a guard schedule for Baxter's quarters. He couldn't completely override Woolsey and let her wander around the city, but he could at least get her out of the brig and into her own quarters. Lorne didn't say anything, but John could see the undercurrent of anger in the expression on his face. _It must be hard for him, especially if they are dating._ He dismissed the Major, but he didn't leave. "Sir, I just wanted to say thank you. For not leaving her down there. If there's anything I can do..."

"Just do your job, Major. I'll handle it."

He met with Rodney and explained the situation. In typical Rodney fashion, there was much sputtering and hand-waving. "He can't do that! They can't lock her up forever! What if they don't find anything? What if she was framed?" He finally calmed down enough for John to get through to him that he needed a full analysis and report of everything he and Radek can find by 0900 the next day. It needed to be added to the databurst.

He spoke with everyone present in the 302 bay when the cloaks began to overheat and all promised to have written reports completed in time for the wormhole to Earth. Radioing Lorne, he learned that the SFs were in place. Making his way to the brig, he is not surprised to find the guards outside the door. _Good job, Ronon. _It's why he sent Ronon with Randi-he knew he would protect her privacy, as well as Atlantis. Entering the room of holding cells, he stops. The scene is familiar, but not because he witnessed it in person. Randi is laying on the bench in the back of the cell, eyes dull and she reminds him of the final video he watched of her in the SGC brig. Teyla speaks quietly, "She has not spoken since we got here. I am worried for her." He forgot for a moment that his team saw the same video he did. The three of them escort her to her quarters in silence and he watches as the SFs take up post outside her room after the door closes behind her.

John goes about the rest of the day like normal. Almost, anyway. Every hour or so, he makes his way to Rodney's lab. By the end of the day, McKay is ignoring him and even Radek has told him to leave them alone and that they will call him if they have anything.

He brings dinner to Randi, only to find that Teyla and Lorne have also brought trays. She looks like she is sleeping, though he doubts she is, so he leaves. Settling into bed that night, he's not sure if he's more angry at Woolsey for his actions, or at Baxter for her inaction.

dream...

***_He's standing in his office, staring at mounds of paperwork, knowing that somewhere in there is the answer to what happened at the SGC. But, he can hear Atlantis whispering to him. Insistent, she calls him out and down the corridors. It is dark but the lights come on just long enough for him to pass by. Eventually, he is led to a transporter. He doesn't have time to touch the screen to choose a destination before he is materialized somewhere that seems only vaguely familiar and is very unAtlantis-like. There is one door and when he walks through, he is in a holding room in the SGC on Earth. Miranda is there, in a cell to his left. He watches her pace the cell and wonders why she does not leave. The door is obviously open several inches. _

_He pulls the cell door open and motions for her to follow him. "Come on, let's go."_

_She looks at him with sad eyes and defeat on her face. "I can't. They'll just find another reason to put me here."_

_John is angry and he slams his palm against the bars, making them reverberate and causing her to jump. "So, you'll just stay here, locked up? You won't even fight?" When she doesn't respond, he joins her in the cell. "That's not the woman I've gotten to know. You're a fighter. You beat the go'uld because you fought. You fought for your freedom from this place once." _

_"I'm sick of fighting! Don't you get it?" She turns towards him. "I will gladly fight the Wraith, the Ori, the Go'uld and whoever else to make sure the people I care about are safe. But I am sick of fighting just so I can be me." She closed her eyes and she reopened them, they were glowing. She stepped in front of him and when she spoke, it was with the voice of the Go'uld, deep and resonant. "This is what I am now, and I can't change that. I hate it, but I can't change it. The IOA... even the SGC, will never be OK with that, John."_

_He placed a hand on her shoulder. "You're in Atlantis now. If you won't fight for yourself, then fight for Atlantis. She needs you. You told me once that when you first came to Atlantis, it was like coming home. Are you really ready to give that up so quickly?" _

_She shook her head and stepped into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her and held her. Suddenly, they were standing on Atlantis' south pier. John could feel the city inside him and he knew Randi could too. *** _end of dream

A few minutes before the databurst is scheduled, John gets a call from Baxter on the radio. When he arrives at her quarters, she has a file saved on her laptop and she asks that it be sent to Earth with the databurst. It's addressed to Dr. Jackson. She tells him it is a record of everything she can remember about the assembling of the cloaking devices and who was involved. She says she hopes it can help them figure out what really happened.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

It is a tense week, waiting for the next databurst and report from Earth. SGA1 and SGA2 have been keeping Randi company with movie and game nights in her quarters. She and Rodney got into a particularly heated Scrabble game, when he demanded she only use English words. John couldn't blame her for trying though. The Go'uld word she placed on the board was worth 118 points. The ensuing popcorn fight turned into a huge mess, but raised everyone's spirits.

He and Mr. Woolsey avoided discussing Randi too much. Both seemed to come to the conclusion that there was nothing more to be said until Earth got done with their investigation. John was worried that no one from Atlantis was involved in the investigation, but Teyla told him that Randi was certain SG1 would make sure the investigation was fair.

Every member of SGA1 and SGA2 are in the control room when they dial in for the databurst. Zalenka is there as well and keeps nervously pushing his glasses back up his nose. When General Landry comes on screen with Colonel Mitchell at his side, it's obvious this will not be a standard databurst and that the wormhole will be open for longer than normal. McKay mumbles about power usage but does not protest.

"Mr. Woolsey, Colonel Sheppard, I'm glad you're both there. We launched an investigation into the sabotage of the 302 cloaking devices immediately after your last databurst. I am pleased to say it has cleared all Atlantis personnel, including Ms. Baxter, of any involvement."

There is a collective sigh of relief from everyone, even Woolsey, which surprises John a bit. "What happened?" He knows there will be a formal report in the data from Earth, but he doesn't want to have to dig for it.

Mitchell answers him, arms crossed and with an angry edge to his normal southern drawl. "The NID paid off an engineer that was helping to assemble the cloak cores. He was an easy target for them. His girlfriend was killed a couple years ago in a fight with another system lord. Apparently, he thought killing and then blaming Randi for destroying Atlantis would be a great way to get back at the Go'uld."

"The saboteur's statement indicates that Atlantis was as much a target as Ms. Baxter," Landry continued. "The Daedalus will be delayed in leaving Earth, as we rescreen all supplies and personnel being shipped to you. Colonel Sheppard, I suggest you implement a screening process using any Ancient technology you might have available."

"Yes, Sir."

That night, John and Lorne have given Randi the good news and celebrate with dinner in the mess. It's chilly, but they acquiesce to her desire to sit on the balcony and see the ocean, since she was locked up for a week.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

He's barely landed the jumper from his trip to the mainland when his radio beeps. "Sheppard here."

"Colonel. I need your assistance." Zalenka sounds nervous and John can hear yelling in the background.

John knows that he, Lorne and Randi went on one of their exploring trips to an unused part of the city. _Crap. This can't be good._ "Where are you? Is everyone alright?"

"Yes, for now. We are outside yours and the Major's offices."

"Uh, okay. On my way."

When he exits the transporter, he can hear his 2IC and Baxter yelling at each other. Other than in a firefight, he's not sure he's ever heard Lorne yell before. Zalenka is waiting for him and he is soaking wet.

"Colonel, I am glad you are here. Now you can deal with the imbeciles." Waving his hand towards his friends, he steps in the transporter and leaves. John thinks for a second that Radek is sounding more like McKay these days.

"You don't _listen_! If you had, we wouldn't have almost drowned!" Randi's voice carried down the hall.

Lorne was barely taller than Baxter, but he was looming over her now, fists at his sides. They were both dripping wet too. Lorne's hair was sticking up in a poor imitation of John's and Randi was trying to keep her wet locks behind her ears, but she kept having to brush them back. John tried to bypass the puddles that led from the transporter to where they were standing.

"I did listen! I just disagreed with you!"

"And look where that got us!"

Lorne lowered his voice and John picked up his pace. He didn't like where this was heading. "It was my call. If you can't get behind that, then stay away."

"Gladly." She turned and stalked past John. He's pretty sure he hears her mumble the Go'uld word that he's learned translates to idiot.

He pushes his hands into his pockets and takes his time reaching Lorne, giving him time to take a breath. "Major," he says casually, "having a bad day?"

"Sorry about that, Sir. We shouldn't have done that in the hall."

"That's not what I'm concerned about. Besides, it was just me and Radek. What's going on? And should the three of you be in a decontamination bay?" He wrinkles his nose at the algae smell coming off the man in front of him.

"No, Sir. Medical already cleared us. Nothing a shower won't take care of. It's just seawater. We were exploring one of the lower levels when Randi got all excited about a door, saying there was something cool in there that Atlantis wanted to show us." Seeing John's surprise, he grimaced. "That's ah, how we've been finding all the cool labs and stuff. She says Atlantis leads her to them. So, anyway, we're at the door in this section that has no sensors or anything. But, when she touched it, she said we shouldn't open it. Said something was wrong. Zalenka checked and couldn't come up with anything. We even called McKay and he couldn't find anything. So, I took point and Zalenka opened the door."

Lorne looked like he was about to fall over from exhaustion, so John ushered him into his office and told him to sit down. He got them both coffee from the coffee maker in the corner.

"Thanks." He tood a couple of drinks before resuming his story. "So, a wall of water hit us. The entire room was flooded. It's a huge room, so there was a ton of water. I remember being rushed past two sets of doors before I crashed into one. I really don't remember anything after that. Apparently, Randi was able to get the doors closed. I don't know how, because she got pushed down the hall with Radek and I."

"You were knocked out?" John was looking for signs of a concussion. He notices what could be blood on the man's jacket.

"Yeah, but Randi had her healing device. She had that fixed before we even made it to the infirmary." He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I guess I should have listened to her."

"No, Major. You did what you were supposed to do. Risk is part of what we do. You can't start second-guessing yourself every time something happens."

After telling Lorne to take a shower and take the rest of the day off, he set off to find McKay. He found him in the lower level, sitting on his jacket so he wouldn't get wet. The water was out of the hall but it was still damp. John noticed a smear of what looked like blood high up on one of the bulkhead doors. Rodney saw him looking. "That's where Major Lorne's head collided with the wall." John grimaced at that mental image. "I suppose you want to know what happened. Best I can tell so far, is that this room has an open vent to the ocean. The vent is supposed to self-regulate the amount of water coming into the room, but after 10,000 years, I guess that wasn't working so well. The whole room flooded, maybe thousands of years ago, or maybe during one of the more recent times the city has been damaged."

"Why the hell does it have an open vent to the ocean? What's in there?"

Rodney looked at him and smiled, that gleeful smile that John always knows accompanies good news. "They didn't tell you?" He paused for effect and John glowered at him. "It's a swimming pool! A huge swimming pool. The water comes from the ocean. I assume there must be a filtration system that gets rid of the salt and debris and you know... fish."

"A pool? That's great!" With all the excitement of the last hour, his brain didn't make the connection to the pool in his dreams. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to access the regulation system to see if I can create a positive pressure environment to force the water back out. We may have to find another way though. The room may have already refilled after the doors were closed and with the pressure of the ocean, I'm not sure there's enough power here to create that kind of pressure."

John realized there's something he forgot to ask. "How did Baxter get the doors closed? Lorne said she was swept down the hall too."

McKay got a funny look on his face. "She said that she touched a wall and asked Atlantis to shut the doors." He turned to John. "Sheppard, there was no power down here. Zalenka had to manually rig the doors to open. Even if she was right next to the door, she shouldn't have been able to do that. I can't explain it." He got a smug look on his face. "Unless, of course, you are no longer Atlantis' favorite."

He found Baxter a couple hours later in the shooting range. By all the brass on the floor around her, it looked like she had been there a while. He watched her for a few minutes. She was a good shot. There were two marines in the range, but they were sweeping up their brass. He waited till they left and she had put down her weapon to reload the magazines before he stepped beside her and motioned for her to remove the ear protection.

He wasn't sure what he wanted to ask first, but he settled on "How badly was Lorne hurt?" There had been a lot of blood on that bulkhead.

She sighed and leaned against the partition, facing him. "I thought he was dead when I got to him. He had a large hemorrhage in his brain. I told him he was just knocked out and had a concussion. Radek was there and I didn't want to panic him. He was upset enough as it was."

John had known a guy in officer training that suffered a brain hemorrhage in a car crash. He didn't die right away, but lived on tubes and a ventilator. He didn't like thinking that could have been Lorne. "Okay. How did you get the doors closed?"

"I asked Atlantis."

He was losing patience. "Come on. Rodney said there was no power. How did you do it?"

"Geez John, how do you think I did it? The power of my mind?" she scoffed. Seeing the look on his face, her eyes widened. "You really think that? No, I can't do that."

"I know the Nox were teaching you how to manipulate energy and matter."

"Yeah but, as Lena kept telling me, I am 'very young and need much practice.' Believe me, I wish I could, but I can't. I asked Atlantis."

He spoke softly. Her arms were crossed and she had her defenses up. "Randi, that only works if there is power there to respond to you."

She closed her eyes and sighed. "No, she can hear me where ever I am in the city. And, vice versa." She met his eyes. "For example..." she walked to the wall and placed her palm against it. "I can tell you that 23 percent of the population are currently in the mess hall for dinner. There is a power fluctuation in Section B-8, but the naquada generator is compensating for it. Chuck is running a gate diagnostic in the control room. I can tell you that McKay is wasting his time trying to drain the water that way. And Jumper 3's DHD control crystal is nearly burned out." She lowered her hand and stared at him, her chin up, daring him to argue with her.

He reached for his radio. "McKay." "_Yes, what is it?_" "Is there a power fluctuation in B-8?" Rodney was quiet for a second, "_yes, but the generator is handling it. Miko just called me about it and she put it on the maintenance schedule. It's not compromising anything critical. Why?_" "Nevermind. Thanks. Oh, and have somebody check the DHD crystals in Jumper 3." He cut McKay off.

"Let's go for a walk, John."

He helped her clean up the brass scattered on the floor and went with her to turn in the weapon to the Sergeant manning the armory. Swinging by the mess to grab sandwiches and soda that the Daedalus brought the week before, she led him to the south pier.

"Jack told you about the Ancient gene set, right?"

"Yeah."

"Ever since I came here, communicating with Atlantis has been easy for me. I thought it was the same for you, too."

"Me too, but I can't do what you just did."

She looked at him. "I think you probably could. Remember, I had a lot of training on all that mental stuff before I came here. I think that helped." She popped open her soda and it fizzed over her hand a bit. "Dangit! I swear, soda doesn't follow the regular laws of physics when it comes to hyperspace travel. It shouldn't still be doing this a week later."

He laughed at her and got a dirty look that turned pleased when his soda did the same thing. "Hah! You deserved that."

They ate in silence. She took a breath and said, "Okay, here's what I think happened. Atlantis heard me, maybe because we have a strong connection, maybe because I was yelling for her so loudly in my head. Either way, I think she redirected power to that section long enough to get the doors closed."

"She can do that?"

"The lights came on. In the corrider that was flooding. They came on for a minute and then went off again after the doors shut."

"Huh. Show me how you do it?" John had communicated with Atlantis on that level before, but only via the Control Chair. To be able to do it from anywhere in the city would be beneficial, especially in an invasion or foothold situation. _That would have been helpful when the Genii came. _

"I'll try. But not tonight."

"You were pretty hard on Lorne today. He was just doing his job." He hadn't forgotten the primary reason he came looking for her.

"I know. I..." She sighed again. "It scared me, seeing him like that. I really thought he wasn't going to make it. I don't do scared well, so I guess I went for angry instead. But, I do wish he had listened."

He echoed Lorne from earlier. "He did listen to you. But, his job is to make a judgement call. Even if it didn't have the best results, based on what he knew at the time and the information you and Radek gave him, I think he made the right call." He shifted so he could see her better. "You have to learn to trust your leaders. Otherwise, the team is in danger."

She looked surprised. "I do trust him. And you. I trust you both with my life, John. I just... if he had died..."

Understanding hit John. "You have to trust us with more than just your life, Randi. You have to trust us with our own lives. I think we've done a pretty good job of staying alive before you got here. You are not responsible for all of us." She scrunched up her brow and closed her eyes and he knew he had found what was bothering her. "You can't save everyone."

"Look who's talking."

_Yep, I had that coming. _"Touche'." He bumped her shoulder and grinned.

"I'll apologize to Evan in the morning." She looked at him with an incredulous expression. Waving her hand between the two of them, she asked "Did we just have a heart-to-heart talk?"

He laughed. "I guess we did."

"Huh."

"Should I call Keller? Maybe we need to get checked out."

She laughed along with him. "Nah, I kinda liked it."

dream...

_*** "So, you were pretty pissed at Lorne earlier." _

_"Yeah, well, I still say he deserved it." She deflated a little and gave a dramatic sigh. "OK, so I was a bit rash. But, dammit, hasn't he figured out yet that I'm always right?" She grins and he laughs at her. _

_"Does that mean I should think you're always right, too?" _

_She looks at him with mock surprise. "John Sheppard! Are you telling me you think I might occasionally be mistaken?"_

_"Weeell, just occasionally." He smiles as she laughs and mock punches his shoulder. They are sitting at the end of the pier, their legs dangling over the edge. He's not quite sure how to ask what he really wants to know. "You know, it's been my experience..." He hesitates and looks away, but he can feel her watching him. "Usually... when people get that angry with each other, it's because... they care very deeply for each other?" He winces as he realizes his inflection made it sound like a question. She's quiet for a moment and he resists the urge to look at her, pretending instead to find the horizon very interesting. _

_"Are you asking me if Evan and I are together?"_

_"Maybe." _

_She laughs. "No, we aren't each other's type." He feels a relief in his chest. "He's a good friend. Best friend I have in Atlantis. He knew me before, but not so well that he thinks... that it bothers him... since I became a host." _

_He's been wanting to ask for a while. Lately, he's found himself wondering about Miranda and how she became who she is now. He knows a big part of that is the go'uld within her. "What was the worst part?"_

_She's silent so long that he thinks she might not answer him. "At first, I thought it was the lack of choice. That I was just taken, without my consent. But now... now I think the worst part is the choices I made because of it."_

_John isn't surprised that being taken against her will would be at the top of the list. He thinks that would be the worst part for him. But, he's curious about the choices she made. He's not sure he should ask about those choices though. He gets the feeling that wouldn't be welcomed from her. Before he can change the subject, he begins to hear voices coming from behind them. He recognizes the Go'uld dialect that Randi sometimes talks to herself in (and curses in) and it sounds eerily similar to her. He feels her start shaking beside him. Though he's not sure what is happening, he knows she needs help. Acting on instinct, he wraps his arms around her and holds her close, rocking her slowly. After a few minutes, her shaking has nearly stopped and the voices are quieter. She mumbles she's sorry, over and over again. _

_"Shh, it's okay. No need to apologize." _

_"Not to you, John. But to them, I'm so sorry." *** _end of dream

When he wakes, he can hear echoes of Randi chanting 'I'm sorry.' And all he can think is that he wants to know why and what hurt her so badly. Then he feels foolish, because it's just a dream and he's worried about someone from a dream. _Wake up already, John_, he tells himself as he pulls on his running shorts and gets ready to meet Ronon.

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The dreams continued and John found himself looking forward to going to sleep each night. At first, he had felt guilty about not checking on the real Randi more at night, but she was having fewer and fewer nightmares and seemed to be sleeping well herself. It was nice to have someone to talk with, knowing that he could say anything that came to mind and no one would ever know about it, because it was all in a dream. He felt free and open in his dreams. He didn't want to think about if it was healthy to have his dreams center around one person and to use that person for stress relief and as a sort-of therapist. The new shrink the SGC sent to replace Heightmier would probably have a field day with this. Which is why John didn't tell anyone about the dreams. When he thought about it, he was not entirely sure why he looked forward to them so much. There was still nothing extraordinary about them. No Ferris Wheels, whales trying to eat his scientist or Wraith, clowns, Genii or any other monsters. It was just conversation and hanging out with someone who was rapidly becoming a good friend even in his waking hours.

"Oww, dammit!"

"Well, pay more attention to where your feet are next time. You should have moved your left leg out more, it would have given you better balance." Randi held out a hand but John waited a moment to catch his breath before he scowled at her and grabbed her arm so she could help him up. He rubbed his butt where he had landed hard. "Need some help working out the kinks?" He turned to find her smirking at him. And staring at his hand on his ass.

He gave her his best flirtatious smile. "What kinks did you have in mind?"

"Oh, please stop before you fry my valuable brain with horrifying images of the two of you!" Rodney interrupted. "Why am I here again?"

"You are here because teams that know each others strengths and weaknesses in the battlefield live to come home from the battlefield. So buddy, team training!" It was a training concept that dream-Randi had mentioned to him, so he figured his subconscious had brought the idea up in the dream. When he brought it up at their next team movie night, Randi had stopped and stared at him for a moment, before shaking her head as if she had a cobweb to shake out, and then supported his idea.

Ronon and Teyla had, of course, been all for it. Rodney, to no one's surprise, protested loudly whenever given the chance. However, he still worked hard at it and the entire team noticed his steady improvement. Rodney doesn't want to be the weak link physically, even if he more than pulls his weight in the saving-them-with-the-powers-of-his-mind department.

"OK, Rodney, you and Randi are going to take on Teyla next." This was part of the idea, especially with Rodney's training. Pair him with someone so he could more easily pick up on his partner's techniques. It also allowed his partner to more easily identify his weak points, as that person would have to compensate for them. "Remember, in addition to staying alive in the field, we are also going to be kicking SGA2's asses next week." Lorne's team had started following the same training approach and John and Lorne had a bet riding on the outcome of next week's match. John was sure he would be the one on the receiving end of the case of beer though. _How could we possibly lose with Ronon, Teyla and Randi? Although, Randi will be sitting it out. I guess it's only fair, since she's on both teams, but... it's a whole case of beer! _

He and Ronon watched closely, to be able to point out weaknesses in both defense and offense. He watched the quick and graceful moves of Teyla and Randi, the bantos sticks giving off a loud thump when struck by the resin-dulled edge of the ancient-Egyptian Khopesh sword that Randi favored. He noted with pride that Rodney was able to hold his own against several of Teyla's moves, using his own bantos stick to actually get a blow to Teyla's thigh once. _ Definitely improving! _It wasn't long before his eyes were focused on the intricacies of the sticks and sword moving quickly against each other. He noted the look of calm on Teyla's face and concentration on Rodney's face, contrasted with the look of enjoyment on Randi's. _She looks like she's really into it. That sword is pretty cool. I might have to see if she'll give me a lesson in that. _ John's mind began to wander to a private lesson between he and Randi. The sword heavy in his hands, Randi moving to stand flush behind him, breasts pressed against his back, reaching her arms around him to adjust his stance and hold on the weapon, her breath warm on his neck as she speaks softly in his ear... "Oww, what the hell, Ronon?" Ronon grinned at the sight of John rubbing the shoulder that Ronon had just hit, way too hard in John's opinion.

"You were staring."

"I'm supposed to stare, so are you. Critiquing, remember?"

"That's not how you were staring."

"There's more than one way to stare?"

"Yeah, and be glad I stopped you before Randi noticed the stare you were giving her. That sword may be dulled, but it can still hurt." With that, he jumped up and joined Teyla in fending off Rodney and Randi's advance.

Getting ready for bed later that night, John was thinking about what happened earlier in the gym. Ronon had been right, he was staring in a non-critiquing way. He hadn't expected for his thoughts to head in that direction but he had enjoyed it. _Crap. She's a member of your team. Start thinking like that and you'll get distracted and someone will get hurt. Besides, I'm pretty sure Lorne has a thing for her. _He glared at his reflection in the mirror for a minute and saw the look on his own face when he realized the solution to working this out was already there. He'd just talk with his dream-Randi. Lay it all out in a way that no one but he and his subconscious would know. He'd talk, get over this bit of attraction, lust or whatever it was and then get back to normal. _ As normal as it gets around here anyway. _He just hoped he could remember all this when he started dreaming. He wasn't one of those people who could easily realize they were dreaming. And the dreams felt real. He popped his head out the door to make sure there were no sounds of nightmares from next door. Hearing nothing but the hum of Atlantis, which was getting steadily louder these days, he thought the light off and lay down on his tiny bed.

dream...

*** _He's digging through his closet, throwing clothes aside, feeling more like a girl with every passing moment. But, he doesn't want to wear BDUs, yet again. Finally, he finds a dark green button-down shirt that he knows brings out his eyes. He's already got on dark jeans and boots. Leaving his quarters, he starts to head for the pier, but Atlantis tells him to go to the top of the western tower. He doesn't question this. He finds her on a balcony off the main corridor of the uppermost level. _

_She must have heard him coming, because she turns to him with a smile. _Wow_, is the only thought that comes to his mind for a moment. She's wearing jeans that hug her hips and thighs and she's barefoot, her sandals tossed to the side of the balcony. "You look good in red," he tells her, pleased his voice sounds normal. The red silk tank top she's wearing leaves little to the imagination. Everything is covered, but the square neck-line lets him see her collarbone and shoulders and enough skin to draw his eyes downward. The top is stretched across her breasts and he suddenly has to remind himself to look up. _

_She's smirking at him. "Thanks. I was just thinking green seems to work for you. You look good." She waggles her eyebrows in an obvious gesture that makes them both laugh. Just like that, he feels at ease. _

_He tells her about his day, his frustration with corporals who don't know where the line is for practical jokes and his fun at making McKay red in the face by pretending to take the last pudding cup. They laugh over Randi's latest Czech lesson from Zalenka. She enjoys baiting Radek as much as John enjoys baiting Rodney. _

_"Tell me something no one else knows about you." _

_"What? Where did that come from?"_

_"Oh, come on, John. Just a little something. Something silly or weird. I'm not asking for any deep, dark secrets here." _

_He rolled his eyes but couldn't help smiling back at her. "Okay. You know I like Johnny Cash."_

_"John, everyone knows you like Cash. Hardly a secret."_

_"Let me finish!" He nudged her shoulder. "You know that song A Boy Named Sue?" She laughed and nodded. "Well, if I'm having a bad day... sometimes, I'll sing it to myself. To cheer me up."_

_He looked over just in time to see her burst into laughter. "That's so cute!"_

_"What! No, it's not cute!" He pointed at her, "see, this is why it was a secret." _

_"Sorry." _

_"You don't look sorry." She started laughing again and he joined her. "Your turn." _

_"Umm, well, I can sing." He was about to give her a hard time for saying something generic after he gave her some embarrassing info about himself. When he looked at her though, she looked uncomfortable. "I used to have a horrible singing voice. Neighborhood dogs would run in terror when I sang in the shower."_

_"That bad, huh? What happened? Singing lessons?"_

_"No. Sekhmet... she wanted a host with a nice voice, so she altered my voicebox. I still sound like I used to when I speak but, now I can sing." _

_He wasn't quite sure what to say to that. "Sing for me."_

_She looked startled. "John, I haven't sung for anyone. No one even knows I can sing now."_

_He took her hand. "Sing for me. Please?"_

_She stared at their hands for a moment. Her lips started to move. At first, it was hard to make out because she was so quiet. When he recognized the song, he smiled at her and she raised her voice. She really did sound lovely. _

**"Some gal would giggle and I'd get red, **

**Some guy would laugh and I'd bust his head,**

**I tell you, life ain't easy for a boy named Sue."**_ *_

_He joined her on the last line and they both laughed. _

_She squeezed his hand and said "thanks."_

_He turned her hand palm-up in his and ran his fingers over the lines on her palm. "You have a strong life-line. Your fate-line has an interesting turn to it."_

_"Really?" she drawled. He looked up to see her grinning at him. _

_"Yeah, but what's really interesting is your love-line. It's very strong. See, it's this one here." He traced it along her palm and looked at her through his lashes._

_She was smiling now and she leaned near him. "Tell me John, does that line actually work for you?" _

_"Not in Pegasus. No one here knows what a love-line is." He put on his best hang-dog expression._

_She laughed. "Poor baby." _

_"It's tough. But, I manage to carry on." He loves making her laugh like this. The breeze blows her hair into her face. Without thinking, he reaches up to brush it away, and continues the motion, running his fingers through her hair. She had raised her hand to move her hair herself, but rested her fingers on his forearm instead. _

_Their eyes met and they stood like that for a moment, neither of them moving. Suddenly, and John isn't sure who moved first, they are pressed together and their lips are meeting. Their kiss is passionate and as the heat builds, John feels like he can't get close enough to her. With one hand in her hair, cupping her head and keeping her lips and tongue with his, his other hand is at the small of her back, pulling her in tighter against him. _

_When the need for air finally makes them part, Randi nuzzles his neck and he can hear her mumble "Oh God." Some part of his brain is echoing that, but he can't form the words. He turns his head, urging her back to him. He presses a soft kiss to her lips, teasing her. She moans as he trails his lips over her jaw and down her throat. Her hands are running over his back and shoulders, and he has a sudden urge to let her map his body with her hands and lips. More than just pleasure, he wants her to know him. _

_This thought, and all others, leave him as she grasps his hips and pulls him forward, pressing his erection to her stomach. He hears himself let out a long and deep moan. He pushes her against the balcony railing and claims her mouth again. *** _end of dream

When his alarm woke him, he was disappointed, both that the dream had ended and that he had failed to do what he resolved the night before. He was becoming used to cold showers after dreaming about her, but he didn't want this dream to end. He closed his eyes and replayed the last moments of the dream, running his fingers over his neck, where her lips had been in his dream. He moved his hand slowly down his chest and stomach, pausing to imagine Randi pressed against him. Sliding his hand under the elastic of his boxers, he wrapped his hand around his length and began to slowly stroke himself. Imagining Randi beneath him, moaning and whispering his name, it doesn't take long before he's thrusting up into his hand and coming, biting his lip to keep from crying out.

He takes a quick shower to clean up, all the while berating himself. It's not that he hasn't fantasized about people he knows while jacking off, but a teammate? _Nice way to start making things awkward, Sheppard. _

After dressing for his run, he left his quarters and nearly collided with Randi, who was just leaving her room. Seeing her in a black tank top and short running shorts, his brain immediately flashed back to some of the more memorable parts of his dream, and his morning activities.

"Hello? John? You awake yet, John?"

"Hmm?" He realized she had been speaking to him for a while now. "Yeah, no, not really. I need to get moving. Want to join me for a run?"

"Sorry, but I'm meeting Evan in the gym. Next time?"

"Sure. Don't forget our mission briefing at 1000. Will you grab McKay from the lab on your way?" He hoped his face was masking his feelings about her meeting Lorne. _They spend a lot of time together. I wonder if they're dating. _Unfortunately, reassurances from dream-Randi didn't mean that the real Randi and Lorne weren't seeing each other.

She grinned at him. "No problem. Maybe I'll grab some chocolate to lure him out with."

He returned the grin, thinking of how Rodney had been complaining about not having enough time in his lab. "You'll probably need it. Um, where's your scar?"

"_What_?" her hand flew to the back of her neck.

"No! I mean... your leg." He gestured to her right thigh, which was perfectly smooth and scar-free. _ Shit, John, that was just in your dream_. "Sorry, guess I was mistaken."

"Um, no. You weren't. I did have a scar there, from a staff blast. But the Go'uld like their hosts as unblemished as possible, so Sekhmet got rid of it. You read my medical file, I guess?" She didn't seem bothered by this.

_That's right, I did read it. That's where I got the idea for it in my dream._ "Yeah, sorry to bring it up."

"No problem. Later, John." She walked off humming. John froze as he recognized A Boy Named Sue.

He's soon distracted by Atlantis herself. As he runs, occasionally trailing his fingers over the city walls, he hears what sounds like singing.

I hope you enjoyed it! Please review-good or bad!


	7. Chapter 7

Warning-this is why it's rated M. Don't own SGA, or any of it's characters. The character Miranda Baxter is mine.

This is the first sex scene I've ever written, so hopefully it's OK. It seemed a bit long to me.

As usual, dreams are all in italics. John's thoughts throughout the story are in italics. Enjoy!

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Chapter 7

"M28-364." Major Lorne consulted his datapad to see which mission was up next for discussion and assignment.

"The Ancient database doesn't say much about this one. It's possible there could be a civilization there, so it should go to your team or mine." Sheppard was tossing a ball into the air and catching it. Duty roster and mission assignment meetings are not at the top of his list of things he enjoys.

He's enjoyed it more since Lorne convinced him that Randi should join them, as she could often sense what might be waiting for them on the planet in question. They all agreed to take her insights/visions/whatever-it-was into consideration, but to continue to base final mission priority and decisions on their usual criteria (which, in all honesty, was flexible anyway). From what Lorne and Stackhouse had told him, the SGC had come to put a lot of stock into what Randi's intel told them, and had begun assigning missions with her advice. Randi herself cautioned against that, saying that she was no where near as accurate and as detailed as she was "pre-Sekhmet," as she liked to call it. While John would love more detail, he had to admit he was impressed with her accuracy. He figured she was being too hard on herself, again, because of the Go'uld. It made her question herself and John ached for her because of it. It led him to wonder if the lack of detail in her statements about what she saw waiting for them was accurate. He sometimes thought he saw more in her eyes, followed by doubt.

Lorne nodded. "I'll put your team down for it. My team is supposed to check up with the kid planet."

"Sounds good. Make sure to take Zalenka. He loves those kids."

Lorne chuckled at Sheppards wicked grin. "So I've heard, Sir."

Randi tapped Lorne's datapad. "We'll need bug spray for that one."

John missed the ball and it hit the table with a thump. He leaned forward and narrowed his eyes at her. "Bug spray? What kind of bugs are we talking about? Big bugs? Nasty bugs? Lots of bugs?"

Randi's eyes got wider as she listened to him. "Wow, okay. Bug phobia. Uh, I don't know. I just know there will be bugs." She screwed up her face in concentration and Sheppard waited anxiously for more bug intel. When all she said was, "I need to go on this mission," Sheppard's anxiety level stayed up.

Lorne didn't even try to hide the grin on his face. "You know, Sir, the kids were asking about you the last time we checked on them. Maybe we should switch?"

John gave his 2IC a grateful look. "Sure. Sounds good. I know McKay misses those kids."

dream...

_He ran his fingers through her hair and cupped the back of her head. His other arm was already around her shoulders, from where they were sitting on the couch. As a joke, he had made an obvious show of the I-have-to-yawn-so-I'll-put-my-arm-behind-you-and-act-like-I-didn't-plan-it move that he last used as a sophomore in high school. When she didn't laugh, he had looked over to see her giving him a look that could only be described as sultry. Most of his blood had run south and he had turned towards her. _

_He was staring into her eyes and was surprised at what he saw there. Desire, need, hope, a little fear and something that was fleeting, but if he'd had to name it, he would have said love. He didn't think too much about that. He was too stunned by his own response. He knew his eyes were showing the same thing, and for the first time that he could recall, he didn't feel the need to hide it. He didn't want to hide. He wanted her to see everything. _

_When her eyes widened slightly, he knew she had seen what he still had a hard time voicing. He leaned in and gently pressed his lips to hers. Wrapping one arm around his waist and squeezing his bicep with the other she pulled him towards her. He lightly traced her lips with his tongue and when she opened for him, he kept his touch light and teasing. He wanted to take this slow, to make sure he gave her all the pleasure he thought she was worth. Randi had other ideas though, and John wasn't about to argue. She slid her hand over his shoulder and into his hair, pulling him closer, taking control of the kiss with her tongue. He leaned into her and moaned. Leaning her against the back of the couch, he swung one leg between hers and she immediately wrapped her far leg around it, pinning him close to her. _

_As his tongue became more active and dueled with hers, he brushed his fingers over her cheek and down her neck. He moved his hand further down, lightly palming her breast through her shirt and bra. Her mouth became more needy and he pressed his hand just a bit harder to her, before moving to her side and sliding over her hip and down her thigh. Grasping her leg behind her knee, he held her leg tighter to his. She picked up on what he wanted quickly and pulled her leg harder against his, forcing his groin further into her hip. It was an awkward angle, but it felt so damn good. Her hands were moving too, sliding over his back, around his waist. She grasped the hem of his shirt and pushed it up. Breaking the kiss long enough for her to pull his shirt over his head and toss it over the back of the couch, he leaned in again. She was quicker though and had her lips mouthing a spot just below and behind his ear. _

_He moaned again and a distant part of his brain wondered when he became so vocal. All conscious thought left him when her hands traced patterns down his chest, through the thick hair there. Sliding her hands around his waist, she began to rub his back. He kissed his way down her jaw and neck, sucking on her pulse point and feeling her shudder. He pulled away just enough to get his hands under her shirt and pull it off her. He studied her, the way her neck sloped to her chest, the subtle rise of her stomach and the way her breasts fill the black lace bra. He only has a second for his brain to register Black. Lace. and she pulls him in for another searing kiss. His hand covers her breast, feeling the sudden change of texture from lace to the smooth skin where the lace stops. He can feel her hard nipple through the lace and pinches it lightly between his thumb and forefinger. _

_He hears her whisper his name, "Johhhn," and kisses lightly at her breast, licking stripes along her skin where the lace ends. Just beginning to reach his other hand around to undo the clasp of the bra, because, as much as he loves black lace, he needs the feel of _her_, she lightly drags her nails up his spine. He hisses and arches his back into her touch. Oh God, he could almost come from that alone. Taking a deep breath to regain control, he pulls away just as she's about to do it again. He stands up quickly and pulls her with him. Their arms wrapped around each other, he slowly backs her up to the bed as they frantically kiss lips, necks, shoulders. _

_He stumbles a bit but somehow, they land on the bed, laughing together. Scooting up the bed, she leans over him, kissing him passionately, until they are both gasping for air. Randi moves over him and straddles his hips, sinking down enough that he bucks his hips up on instinct, just trying to get closer to her. Frustrated by the two pairs of BDUs between them, he is reaching to get them out of the way when he notices her hands are behind her back, unclasping her bra. She is staring at him with such an intensity, his hands freeze on her hips. She licks her lips and slowly slides the bra straps off, holding the cups in place with one arm so she is still covered. He's watching a show, one especially for him, and he can't stop his eyes from from trying to focus on her breasts and trying to take in the whole picture at once. When she finally tosses the bra away, her breasts are covered by her palms. She slowly rubs herself while watching him and christ, it is so hot. When she lets her hands drop, she runs them down her own sides, and then up his to settle on his pecs. He can't help but move his hands up her sides. His fingers brush hers on the way and it seems so intimate. Cupping her breasts, he lightly squeezes and rubs, the way he watched her do to herself. She arches her back and he puts one hand on the bed to brace himself, pushing himself up to lathe a nipple with his tongue. That earns him a strangled cry and she throws back her head, tangling her fingers in his hair._

_He sucks and lightly nips, pulling on her nipple, caressing her breasts with his hand. He is achingly hard, but he doesn't want to move on just yet. The sounds she is making are an unbelievable turn-on to him and he wants to see what other sounds he can inspire. She is less patient though. "John! John... I need... I..." She pulls his face up to meet hers, breaking the suction of his mouth on her nipple. She devours his mouth in a searing kiss, then pulls away and shoves him back on the bed. He closes his eyes and goes with the sensations she creates in him as she kisses her way down his chest. She brushes her nails over his nipples and then lightly sucks on one. He moans and relaxes into her touch. _

_She works his pants open as she teases his belly button with her tongue. Hooking her fingers in his waistband, she pulls his BDUs over his hips and down his thighs, dragging one nail down each thigh in the process. He helps by kicking his pants the rest of the way off and she smiles at his eagerness. She stands and slowly removes her own pants. John reaches out and runs his fingertips over the lace panties, pressing his thumb downward and circling her clit. She sighs in pleasure, and he pulls the last of her clothes over her hips and they hit the floor. Crawling back on the bed, she brushes a nipple over the underside of his toe and he never knew how erotic that could be. Kissing the inside of his ankle, and caressing the outside of his legs, she makes her way up his body. Randi is giving his inner thighs a lot of attention and is rubbing her palms over his hipbones. His cock is straining and the material of his boxers is becoming uncomfortable. Finally, she grasps the elastic of his boxers and carefully lifts it over his erection, pulling the material down and off his legs. _

_She's back to kissing his hipbones and stroking her hands up his sides and chest and he's nearly ready to beg for more when she grins at him and draws out his name, "John." He meets her eyes as she leans down to lick a stripe from the base of his cock to the head, swirling her tongue around the tip. He hears a deep groan and realizes it's him. "Randi, please, please..." She continues to watch him as she teases the tip of his penis with her tongue. Just when he thinks he'll lose his mind if she doesn't do more _right now_, she suddenly takes him in and all his sensation comes down to the wet heat of her mouth around him. "Oh, God, yes!" She sets a fast pace, bobbing her head up and down his shaft, sucking hard and moaning around him. One of her hands rubs his chest through his hair and when she cups her other hand around his sac and moans around him again, he comes hard and bucks up into her mouth on instinct, crying out. She swallows around him as he comes and then lets him slide out of her mouth. He watches, lazily running his fingers through her hair, as she gently licks the head and then presses a gentle kiss there. _

_She comes to lay beside him and puts her head on his shoulder. She giggles at the far away look on his face. "Are you okay?" Her voice is a little rough and he finds that incredibly sexy. _

_"Better than okay. God, Randi, that was... wow."_

_"Glad you liked it." He looks down to find her smiling up at him. Smiling back, he traces her swollen lips with his fingertip. He tilts his head and kisses her, a long and slow kiss that builds in passion and depth as he rolls her on her back and leans over her. John can taste himself and he delves deeper into her mouth. His hand traces patterns down her neck and breast. When she pulls back, gasping for air, he lets his lips and tongue follow his hand. Lightly rolling her nipple between his thumb and fingers and stroking the underside of her breast, he begins to suck on her other nipple. She arches her back up into him and tangles her fingers in his hair, leaning down to kiss the top of his head. _

_John raises his hips and moves so he is between her legs. Putting his weight down on her, he feels her open her thighs more for him and then, God, his groin is against her and she is so wet and warm. He can't get it up again just yet, but that doesn't stop his groan. He can hear her whispering his name and she starts to move her hips under him, seeking that touch. Leaving her breasts, he strokes his hands down her sides and over her hips. He reaches under her and cups her ass, squeezing for a moment and lifting her hips up to him, teasing her, like she did to him. He presses a chaste kiss to the hair between her legs and then slides his hands down the outside of her thighs. With his hands behind her knees, he pulls her legs up so her feet are flat on the bed and close to her butt. He kneels between her feet and rakes his eyes over her body. She is wide open for him, and is staring at him with desire, her breasts rising and falling as she breathes hard with her arousal. "You are so beautiful," he whispers. _

_With a light touch, he slides his left hand down her right calf and lifts it to bring her foot to his shoulder. He uses his palms and fingertips to make long strokes up and down her leg, almost reaching her center, but pulling back just short of it. She is biting her bottom lip and lifting her hips in invitation, moaning each time he comes close. He lifts her leg off his shoulder and kisses his way down the inside of her calf and thigh. At the top of her inner thigh, he licks straight from her thigh to her opening, teasing it with the tip of his tongue. "John! Please, God, yes, please John!" She is panting and writhing beneath him and he presses in just a bit more, enjoying her taste. He moves his tongue up to her clit and licks at it with short, teasing strokes. He can't get enough of the sounds she is making. He hears her moaning and murmuring his name over and over, gasping when his tongue does something she really enjoys. He sees her move her hand to rub where her hip meets her thigh and he lightly bats her hand away. He rubs the same spot for her and she rewards him with a deep moan that starts his erection building. His tongue becomes more forceful and she starts lifting her hips to meet his mouth and he lightly rubs over her opening with his fingers. He starts to lightly suck on her clit and she cries out and entwines her fingers in his hair. Pushing two fingers into her, he sucks harder on her clit, teasing it with his tongue. His eyes open wide with the force of her orgasm. She is screaming his name, lifting her hips to him and writhing under his touch. Her eyes glow. _

_When he crawls back up her body, she grabs his face and pulls him in for a kiss that is sloppy and wet and hotter than hell. He is hard and he knows he'll come if she so much as touches him. He softens the kiss, and gets himself under control. When he pushes up, she is panting and running her hands over his shoulders and chest. He wraps one arm behind her shoulders, lifting her closer to him. She angles her hips and he can feel himself at her entrance. He meets her eyes and slowly pushes into her, not stopping until he is all the way inside her. Randi gasps and her mouth opens in a silent o. It takes every ounce of control, but he holds still for a moment so she can adjust to him, because damn, she is tight. _

_After a moment, she lifts her hips, just a bit, and he starts to move. Thrusting in and out of her, they find a rhythm after a moment. He gets lost in the heat of her, how wet and tight she is around him. All he hears is his own ragged breathing, her cries of pleasure with every thrust into her and the sound of their bodies meeting. John leans in to kiss her and when his tongue meets hers, he knows what bliss is. Her tongue in his mouth and himself sheathed in her-it feels like heaven. Suddenly, she is arching her back, clenching herself around him and screaming "John, John!" Feeling her come around him brings his own orgasm and he rides it out, deep inside her, as she wraps her legs around him and pulls him even closer. When he collapses on her, she drags her nails up his spine, as the last shudders of release pass through him. _

_Later, she is dozing in his arms, her head on his chest and he wonders why he waited so long with her. _

end of dream.

John smacks his alarm a couple times before it mercifully shuts up. He throws his arm over his eyes and thinks _holy shit. That was hot. _He can't recall ever having a sex dream that erotic or detailed. And when he moves, he realizes why. His boxers are sticky and checking the bed, he finds two separate wet spots on his sheets. He knows he's never come _twice_ from a wet dream before.

After his run and a shower (his second one of the morning), he stands in line in the mess and then looks around for his team. He stifles a groan when he sees the only open seat is across from Randi, as Zalenka has joined them and is sitting across from McKay. Teyla and Rodney are deep in a discussion over an Athosian belief about the meaning of being conceived under certain constellations. Rodney is trying to explain that on Earth, the belief is more focused on what constellation you are born under, but that it doesn't matter because it's all bullshit anyways. Teyla is more tolerant than most, but Ronon jumps in and begins to threaten Rodney with more sparring lessons, without padding, if he doesn't behave himself.

"Oh, get over yourself, Conan. Teyla just finished telling me that she doesn't believe in that stuff either."

"Doesn't matter. You shouldn't insult her people like that." Ronon pointed a piece of toast at McKay to emphasize his point.

"Please, I was insulting my people too. Though, I'd hardly want to claim people who believe in that voodoo. And Sheppard, why are you staring at Randi like that?"

_Oh, shit. _Damn McKay and his lack of social niceties. "Sorry, didn't realize I was." _ Liar. You might as well stand up and show the whole mess your hard-on. _

Randi gave him a soft smile. "No problem. We'll call it lack of caffeine and a need to focus on something other than McKay this early in the morning." She gave Rodney a pointed look.

"What? What did I do?"

"Rodney, you will never learn," Zalenka shook his head.

John finally got through his medical check and went to head for his shower. Though, he wasn't really the one who needed it. The kids had been fascinated by Ronon's dreads and he was the one they chose to decorate today. John thinks he looks like a painting he saw once of a man turning into a tree. There are twigs and leaves sticking out of his hair and he has green paint on his face and streaked down his arms. He took it in good graces and had fun playing with the little kids, but he's not as patient with Rodney, who's snapping pictures of him and threatening to post them on the Atlantis server for everyone to use as a screensaver. Teyla and John are watching with smiles for their teammates antics. All-in-all, a good and peaceful mission.

Chuck hails him on the radio to tell him that Lorne's team is an hour late checking in from M28-364. Telling Ronon not to hurt Rodney too badly, he heads for the control room. _I should have known. Today was turning out so nice. Just wouldn't be Pegasus if something didn't happen. _ Reaching the control room at the same time as Woolsey, he is just in time for the gate to open on a dial-in from the planet. "Major Lorne's IDC. Lowering the shield," Chuck reports. Zalenka is standing behind him and John idly wonders what needed repaired.

John heads down the stairs and meets the team as they come through the gate. "Major, you're late."

"Yes, Sir. Had a little excitement."

"A little excitement? That thing was not _little_! God, I need a shower. It's disgusting!" John watched as a shudder passed over Randi. She headed out of the control room, running her hands through her dark hair.

"Infirmary first, Baxter!" Lorne yelled after her.

"Major?"

"We found something, Sir, but you're not going to like it."

Dr. Hensen was new to Atlantis and the SGC. He was sent because he had the gene and, while he shows promise, John finds him a little too excitable. He's an entomologist and joined the mission because Baxter thought there might be bugs. Well, more bugs than usual. "Colonel, it's really fascinating. Look!" Before Lorne could stop him, he unwraps the jacket that he was carrying bundled in his arms.

John hears a squeal and he's a little afraid it might have come from him. He jumps back and pulls his 9mm, aiming it at the thing lying in the jacket. Trying hard to keep his voice steady, he yells at his 2IC. "Major, that better not be what I think it is. And, if it is, why the fuck would you bring an iratus bug to Atlantis?"

"It's dead, Sir. Really, it is." Lorne used the end of his P90 and prodded the large insect, but it did not respond. "I know we shouldn't have just carried it back like this, but there were more following us and I didn't want to risk having to go back for it."

"Why did you want to get it in the first place?" Woolsey had joined them, but was standing a respectable distance away from Dr. Hensen and his new pet. Zalenka was also there, looking between Lorne and the insect with a mixture of curiosity and horror.

"Because of how it died, Sir. It bit Randi. Then it fell off and died."

"Don't forget the screeching, Major. It made a most remarkable sound before it died." Hensen was enjoying this way too much and Lorne couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"Alright. Take it to a containment bay in the infirmary," Woolsey directed.

Lorne fought hard to keep a straight face during the short walk to the infirmary. His CO was walking backwards, so that he was positioned in front of Dr. Hensen. He kept his weapon sighted on the insect and his eyes narrowed suspiciously. Lorne was wishing for a camcorder. Though Lorne had never before used it, he knew compromising or funny images of SGA1, especially Sheppard and McKay, could fetch high prices on the Atlantis black market.

They rounded the corner into the infirmary and Randi yelled at them. "Oh, no! You are not bringing that thing in here with me! Take it somewhere else."

Apparently, Hensen couldn't see what the problem was. "It's an insect. A dead one. See, it's harmless." He held it out to her.

"It's gross! That thing was crawling on my face!" Randi and John both shuddered. Randi raised her left hand, on which she always wore her Go'uld hand device when off-world. "Get it away from me or I'll use this, and it won't be on the bug!"

That got Hensen's attention and he carried it over to another section of the infirmary. Chuck had called for a containment crate and Hensen placed the insect in it and sealed it.

John set down next to Randi on the infirmary bed. They were both a little shaky, and lost in their own memories about the creature that was in the infirmary with them. John looked over to Randi, "Are you okay?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. That thing just really creeps me out. I don't know how you managed to stay sane with it on you for so long."

"I wonder that myself sometimes, too. It's not something I like to think about a lot." He hesitantly placed his hand over hers. "Want to tell me what happened?"

She looked at their hands for a moment, and then slowly turned hers to wrap her fingers around his hand.

"We did some recon, didn't find anything, and were heading back to the gate when we came across a swarm of these things. Evan recognized them. We backtracked and went around, but some of them followed us. Hensen slowed down. He wanted to get a closer look or something," she shook her head in irritation, "and one of them jumped on him but I managed to get it off before it latched on. It went for me instead." She paused for a moment, still looking at their entwined hands. "I felt it bite my neck. It burned for a few seconds. Then I felt it shake. It fell off then and made this high-pitched sound that seemed to scare off the others. Then it stopped moving."

A part of John's brain was registering her story and processing it. Another part was thinking that he is finally touching her... _in the infirmary with an iratus bug next door. Not exactly what was in my fantasies. _

Keller comes in then and raises an eyebrow at their joined hands. Neither makes a move to change their position though and John is grateful. Knowing what those bugs can do, he wants this reassurance that Randi is okay.

"You're initial scan and bloodwork are coming back fine, so far. How do you feel?"

"Incredibly grossed out. Other than that, I feel fine."

Keller grinned. "I just peeked at it." She made a face. "It really is awful-looking."

"Don't remind me," John mumbled. Randi squeezed his hand.

"Dr. Hensen and I will be running tests to try to determine what happened to it. Do you have any idea what killed it?"

"It was after it bit me, so maybe it was allergic to me?" she joked. "I really don't know. Why is everyone so concerned about how it died?"

Keller explained. "The Wraith are descended from the iratus bug. If there is a way to kill the bug through the feeding process, or even just to make us immune to it, the same thing might work on the Wraith. It's a long shot, but it's worth a try."

dream...

_He hears buzzing. "Stop thinking about it. It makes me think about them."_

_"Sorry! I can still feel it crawling on me." _

_"I can make you relax," he says, waggling his eyebrows and leaning over her, so she is forced to lay back on the pier. _

_"Really? Please, don't let me stop you."_

_He leans down and gently licks the spot it bit her. She shivers, but tenses rather than relaxes. He lays down next to her and turns her on her side next to him. "Look at me." He waits for her to meet his eyes. "You're okay. It's dead and you made it through just fine." _

_"I know, I just... I know it died because of Sekhmet and I'm sick of having her to thank for saving my life or keeping me healthy-" her voice was rising in agitation and he kissed her to quiet her. _

_"Don't thank her. Just... accept that she heals you as a kind of payment for what she puts you through. Like retribution."_

_"You said puts."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Puts me through. Present tense."_

_"Baby, I know you still struggle with her. With what she's done." He pulled her closer and she wrapped her arms around him then. _

_"Is that why you understand so well? Because you still struggle with what the Wraith and Genii have done to you?"_

_He froze. If it had been anyone else, he wouldn't have answered. He took a breath, "I guess so. It's always at the back of my mind, like..."_

_"Like a ghost haunting you." She didn't say it as a question. And she was right. It did feel like that._

_"Yeah." He stroked her back and tucked her face into his neck. Placing a kiss to her dark hair, he thought about how far they would have to go to be what the city shrinks would call mentally healthy. But, here with her, he felt whole. _

_"So... baby?"_

_He could hear the smile in her voice and he smiled back. "Yeah, baby. That alright?"_

_"Sure is, darlin'."_

_He groaned. "Oh, no. No."_

_"No?" She looked up at him and laughed. "Sweetums?" He rolled his eyes. "Honey bear?" He glared at her. "Pookie?" _

_"What? No!" He relaxed when she laughed. He pulled her close again, mumbling "Pookie, I don't think so. I'm not a Pookie."_

_"I know you're not, Love."_

_He was still for a moment. "I like that one," he whispered. _

_He could feel her smile on his chest. "Me too, Love."_

end of dream.

John knows he's crossed the line between a fairly harmless series of dreams into something more serious. Each night, he looks forward to sleep in a way he never did before. He's aware that it's not healthy and he should report himself to the city shrink. But, he rationalizes that it's not hurting anyone. Well, anyone besides himself. Keeping his dream-Randi separated from the real Randi is becoming more difficult and watching Randi with Lorne is about to drive him over the edge. He knows it's not his right, and that he should be happy for his friends if they are happy together, but after spending nearly every night with her, it's hard to watch the real her be with someone else.

On those nights that he doesn't dream of Randi, he wakes feeling depressed and short-tempered. There are some dreams that are... _interrupted_ is the only word he can come up with for it. There are sounds, flashes of light and a low voice speaking Go'uld. When that happens, Randi always apologizes and then disappears.

He tells her things. Things he doesn't tell anyone else, even Rodney. His desires, his regrets, memories of his childhood, his hopes and his fears. The rational, waking part of him knows he is telling these things to his own subconscious, so no one will ever know. Another part of him wants her, this dream-version of her, to know him. He finally has someone that he wants to let in. He wants her to really know him. He wants to tell her everything, and that terrifies him. And the kicker is that she's not even real.

He's started going with them when they take Zalenka to explore the city. At first, Lorne seemed distant with him when he started joining them. But after a few trips, the four of them have developed a standard approach. Once they find something worth looking at, Zalenka does the scientific investigation while Lorne stands watch over him. Randi and John find a quiet corner to sit in and Randi has been teaching him how to better communicate with Atlantis. He still has a stronger and more quick control over Ancient tech and can get it to react faster than Randi or Lorne. But Randi has a way of communicating with the city that allows her to work with the city, not control it. John likens it to a feedback loop. She tells the city what she needs, the city tells her the options and then together, they come up with a solution. It allows her to come up with more creative solutions and allows certain protocols to be overridden. It is how she was able to close the doors when the pool flooded the corridor. Randi says it's like speaking with an AI. John asked if it was anything like Data on Star Trek TNG. She rolled her eyes and told him he's spending too much time with the scientists.

Two days after the incident with the iratus bug, Dr. Keller calls a meeting of the senior staff. As usual, they are waiting on Rodney to show up. He blusters in, mumbling about having to finish a simulation.

He plops down in the chair next to Randi and she turns to him with a smirk. "What's up, Doc?"

"Will you stop that!" McKay looks flustered and John is enjoying it.

"Nope," her grin growing wider.

"You're spending too much time with Sheppard," Rodney mumbled.

John thought, _Not nearly enough time_, and then he noticed Randi staring at him. He met her eyes and didn't look away until Woolsey asked Dr. Keller to start the briefing.

"Well, Dr. Hensen and I have completed the necropsy on the iratus bug. There was no structural or internal damage to the organs that we could find."

Randi sat up. "To the organs? What about other damage?"

"The insect's blood vessels were full of clots. It died of hypercoagulopathy. It's blood literally became too thick to pump."

"So?"

"So," Randi turned to McKay, "it happened rapidly, Rodney. As... energetic as that thing was when it attacked, there's no way it had that condition until after it bit me."

"I agree, though it would be nice to have some untainted blood samples to test with." Keller looked wistful.

Randi smiled at Keller. "Hey, if you can find some volunteers to go grab another one of those things, I'll gladly give up some blood for the cause. But, don't we have any samples of Wraith blood lying around?"

Keller smiled back. "Yes, actually. We keep some for research. I'm not sure if it would work without a live subject, but it's worth a try."

Everyone moved to the infirmary and waited impatiently while Keller set up what she needed. They didn't have much Wraith blood, so she placed a small amount in a sterile dish and then drew a small amount of Randi's blood. She no more than added two drops of Randi's blood and the Wraith blood started moving. John thought it was creepy as hell. It moved, but didn't do anything else. Keller looked disappointed. "There's definately a reaction, but without a live subject, I think that's the best we'll get."

"What's causing the reaction?"

Keller turned to address Woolsey's question. "We think it's the naquada."

"What, like kryptonite?" McKay blinked at the incredulous looks he got. "What?" His eyes widened. "No, not kryptonite. The Wraith actually use naquada in some of their technology."

Randi shrugged. "What I have in my system is basically liquid naquada. It's not found in nature, except in relation to the Go'uld. Naquada would not normally be introduced to Wraith bloodstreams, even if they work with it."

Rodney was gesturing with his food and hands in a way that said he was about to blow your mind with his brilliance. "So, I was thinking-"

"Oh, shit. Somebody grab the helmets." Randi smirked.

"I concur." Zalenka managed to keep a straight face, but John and the rest of the team and Lorne didn't.

"Oh, ha, ha. As I was saying, I was thinking about how to make everyone immune to wraith-if the testing is successful, Randi-" Randi nodded her head in thanks, "feeding-"

"You are getting ahead of yourself, Rodney, as usual." Radek was McKay's only subordinate that was not afraid or in awe of him.

"Planning ahead is never a bad thing, Doc." Lorne grinned at Zalenka.

"Can I get back to my idea now? Hmm?" Rodney shot a quick shut-up look around the table. "We modify our subcutaneous transmitters to release a steady stream of naquada. If our estimations are correct, it would only need to be a small amount. " McKay looked smug, but his look quickly faded when he was met with silence. Keller and Randi had already determined there was no way to liquify the required amount of naquada and safely introduce it into a person's bloodstream all at once. Plus, any human not currently or formerly host to a Go'uld would process the naquada out of their system within about 8 weeks, not having the ability to integrate it into their blood and body.

"Can you do that?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "No, Major, I just thought it would be a fun game to play. 101 Ways to Halt the Wraith Feeding Process. Your turn." He threw up his hands. "Of course I can do that."

There was a pause.

"That would solve the problem of needing to get reinjected with naquada every couple of months as the body processes it out. Geez, I love how your mind works McKay!" Randi was grinning at him openly. "Seriously, if this scientist thing hadn't worked out, you could have had a great career writing for Hollywood."

McKay got that cocky, yet surprised grin that he always wore when he got an unexpected compliment. "Yes, well. It does take a genius to be that creative."

Randi glanced at John, "He's serious, isn't he?"

"You're the one who loves how his mind works," John smirked.

"We will have to test if the lower dose is as effective," Radek pointed out.

"Well, now we just need to find a Wraith to test. Anybody know where suicidal Wraith hang out?" Randi asked. "No? Okay, how about asking that Todd guy if he has anyone he would like to volunteer."

John had been thinking about that option too. But, he was still stuck on how they would test it. "We'll figure out a Wraith. But how do we test it?"

Everyone looked at him like he was a little off kilter. When Randi spoke up, he supposed it was possible that he had been blocking the obvious from his mind because he didn't want to think about any possible bad outcomes. "John, I think the most logical thing is to have the Wraith try to feed on me. If it can't, then we can move on to testing the transmitters. Wraith can't feed on a petri dish. It's going to take a live subject." John just stared at her and swallowed. As the base commander, he knew what was coming. As John, the man who spends every night in the arms of a dream that wears her face, it hurt to hear that plan. "It'll be fine. Even if it fails and it manages to get a few years off me, it wouldn't affect me the way it would you guys. With the Go'uld, I won't age for a long time."

He left the table a few minutes later, making excuses about paperwork.

"John, wait up!"

He stopped and wiped the worry from his face. "Hey, what's up?"

Randi caught up with him and joined him in the transporter. "Heading to your office?" He nodded and she asked if she could have a few minutes of his time.

He looked at her funny. She never asked anything like that and it sounded so formal. She chuckled. "It's official business, you see."

"Right." He raised his eyebrows and motioned for her to head into his office when they stepped off the transporter. And he did not watch her butt as she walked. Okay, maybe a little. Lorne was still at lunch, so they had the place to themselves. He sat down behind his desk and gestured for her to sit in front of it. She smiled and he quirked his lip. "Official business?"

She looked to the door and it slid shut and John felt it lock. Now he was curious.

"I wanted to talk to you, not as a friend or a team leader. I need to speak with you as the base CO."

"Okay." _What is this about? What happened? _ His eyes widened. _Shit... _ Randi was just opening her mouth to speak when John asked, "Is this about one of my people? Did they do something, or say something to you?" _Some of them had a hard time accepting a Go'uld host here. _

"What? No, John, nothing like that. I just wanted to ask your permission to do something."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, sorry. Go ahead." She gave him a strange look, but he tried to ignore it, acting like his outburst was perfectly normal everyday CO behavior.

"I've been bothered by the inequality among some people here since I arrived in Atlantis. Maybe it's the social worker in me, but it really pisses me off and I want to do something about it."

He cut her off. "Inequality? Wait a minute. I think we do a pretty good job here. Everyone here gets treated equally. Except for Kavanaugh, but really, if you had been here the first year, you'd be okay with that-"

"John!" She was laughing. "For the record, I'm fine with Kavanaugh's treatment. I was talking about DADT." At his confused look, she clarified, "You know, Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

"I know what it is! So... you want to do something about DADT?"

"I want to get rid of it."

He raised his eyebrows. "Ambitious."

She rolled her eyes. "For Atlantis. I'm not fool enough to think I can get rid of it for the entire US Military, although that would be great." Her eyes drifted off for a minute and he just watched her daydream, liking this passionate side of her. She focused back on him. "Atlantis is the most international venture Earth has ever undertaken. US military outnumber other city residents 1.3 to 1 and male residents outnumber women 3 to 1. Not only is it not fair to the American military here in the city, it's not fair to the rest of the city residents, who are from all over the place, for their options to be so limited."

"That's your reason?"

"Well, that and DADT is stupid, pig-headed and bigoted. Oh, and your guys and girls deserve to have a little fun." She grinned and he couldn't help but smile back. "But, the first reasons, those are the official ones."

"How do you plan on doing this?"

She grimaced. "Still working that out. But, I think I can swing some volunteers to help me."

"Great. So, why are you talking to me about this, as the CO, I mean?"

"John, I'm talking about altering policy that affects your soldiers. I won't do that without your blessing."

"Oh. Well, you have it. My blessing, I mean." He grinned and was surprised when she jumped up to lean over and hug him. It was sort of awkward, since he was sitting and wasn't much of a hugger. But, he closed his eyes and leaned into her and _god, I did not just sniff her hair, did I?_

When she pulled away, she looked at the desk for a minute before looking back at him. "Thanks, John."

"Sure. And, thanks for coming to me about it." He leaned back as Lorne walked in.

"Should I wait, Sir?"

"No, Major. Come on in." He looked back to Randi. "As the CO, I can't be too involved, but let me know if I can do anything to help."

He gets lost in thoughts of Randi while trying to finish reading the latest reports from the SGC and he keeps catching Lorne giving him measuring looks throughout the rest of the day.

That night, he has regular, run-of-the-mill (for Pegasus anyway) dreams of Wraith dressed as clowns and putting on a musical in the gateroom. He has no dreams of Randi.

The next day, John stops by the mess for coffee and a few quiet minutes to review reports before meeting with his officers for the bi-monthly threat assessment briefing. He gets his coffee and turns to find a private place to sit, but he spots Randi sitting at a table by herself. She quickly turned her head and he realized she must have been watching him. _Hmm, maybe she really does look at me too?_ He allowed himself a brief minute of hope before he saw Zalenka and Lorne come in and join her. She waved him over and he went reluctantly, not wanting to spend more time watching her with Lorne.

"Hey, John. Join us?" Randi asks, looking up at him. She looks tired.

"Thanks, but I have work I need to get done. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just got caught up in a project and never made it to bed last night."

He makes his excuses and leaves, opting to go to his office instead. He convinces himself that he was imagining the look of disappointment on her face when he walked away.

dream...

_"Are you happy?" They were sitting on a ledge off the end of the South pier. Feet dangling in the cool water, Randi was leaning against John._

_"I am right now. I'm always happy here with you."_

_That made his stomach tingle a bit. "And in general? Are you happy?"_

_She was thoughtful for a moment. "I'm getting happier. Definitely happier than I have been in a long time. I think happiness is a work in progress."_

_"Work in progress, huh?" He thought about that, how some days he couldn't stop smiling and others he couldn't make himself smile. He thought about how the latter was becoming more infrequent. "I think I agree with you. I'm getting happier, too."_

_"That was pretty heavy for the start of 20 questions."_

_He smiled and nuzzled her hair. "Okay, what's your favorite comfort food?"_

_She chuckled and snuggled closer. "Hmm... Mac and cheese, not from a box though. Homemade. You?"_

_"Turkey sandwich."_

_"I should've known. Did you ever want to be anything besides a pilot?"_

_"Sure. A cowboy, a rock star, race car driver. The usual kid stuff. But seriously, no. I always wanted to fly. It was my first love." He looked at her questioningly._

_"Well, don't tell Rodney, but I always wanted to go into anthropology."_

_He laughed. "Yeah, he'd never let you hear the end of that." He ran his fingertips along her jaw. "Why anthropology?"_

_"I like the different cultures and listening to people's stories, seeing how they see the world. I got to do some of that as a social worker though. And a lot of it since I started going off-world."_

_"I bet your favorite subject in school was ancient history, right?"_

_"Got it in one. Yours was math?"_

_"Calc and trig."_

_She cringed. "I barely got through algebra."_

_"It's a good thing you went into the soft sciences then." He grinned and gave her a quick kiss on the lips._

_"Channeling your inner Rodney?"_

_"Want me to?"_

_"Nope, I'm good with you being the inner John in you."_

_He scrunched up his brow. "You know, that didn't really make much sense."_

_"You could've been in Mensa. Figure it out." She smirked and then pulled him in for a kiss. She licked at his bottom lip and he opened for her. The kiss was tender, slow and lazy. When they pulled apart, she said "tell me your story. What makes you, you."_

_He did. He told her about never feeling like he fit in at home, like he always wanted more from his life than he would be allowed to have there. He told her how he left his family behind when he joined the Air Force, about how it didn't feel like he left them though, because they had already left him behind. She listened as he told about how he promised himself he would never leave anyone behind, because he knew how that felt. He gave the details about trying to rescue Holland in Afghanistan, about his refusal to apologize for what he had done, about his disappointment in the Air Force for ordering him not to go. "My CO loved blueberries, always had a bowl of them on his desk. He was snacking on them when he told me I couldn't go after Holland, when he told me to leave my best friend for dead. And they were on his desk when he bawled me out for disobeying orders. Every time I see blueberries, I think of that day and of Holland." He tightened his arms around her and mumbled "I fucking hate blueberries."_

_She didn't offer him platitudes or sympathy. She just held on to John as he relived his memories and whispered into his ear "I am so proud of you, John. You did good."_

end of dream

They made their way casually through the booths, always keeping in sight of at least one other team member. Rodney was scoffing at the "scientific" nature of one booth that sold fake Ancestor artifacts. He had made John test them first though. Ronon was helping Teyla pick out some items for her fellow Athosians. He found Randi trying on a necklace made of twisted metal and dark blue stones. She had a small smile on her face and John had the sudden desire to keep it there.

Walking up next to her, he asked the merchant, "How much?"

The merchant turned to him with a smile. "What do you have in trade, friend?"

"John, it's okay, I don't need it." She moved to take off the necklace, but John stopped her.

"I want to." Turning to the merchant, they haggled over several items. Eventually, they settled on John's zippo lighter, with wings etched on the side. The merchant threw in matching earrings and the trade was done.

After gathering the rest of the team, they headed back to the gate to report on the intel they had gathered from merchants and shoppers from various worlds. The nice thing about interplanetary markets is that, besides just trading, there is always gossip and news being shared.

Randi joined John at the front of their group. "Thank you, John. But, you didn't have to do that."

"You're welcome. And, I wanted to."

Lorne joined him for a late lunch the next day. "Randi really liked the jewelry you got her." John glanced up, expecting to see irritation or anger. Instead, the Major's eyes were sparkling with humor.

He cleared his throat. "Look, Lorne, if I overstepped a boundary in getting those for her, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"Colonel, what are you talking about?" Lorne looked genuinely confused.

John decided to just go for it and find out once and for all. "If I overstepped... in buying jewelry for your girlfriend, I mean. I'm sorry."

Lorne's eyes widened almost comically and a slow smile spread across his face. "You think Randi and I are dating?" He chuckled. "No, we're not together. She's a good friend, that's all."

John was unbelievably relieved but tried to keep it off his face. This was still his 2IC. "Oh. Sorry for the mixup." He gave the other man an easy smile and kept eating.

The Major watched him for a minute. "Sir, may I ask a personal question?"

John felt himself tense up a bit. It was nothing against Lorne, it was just the mention of a personal inquiry that made him nervous. "Sure, but I may not answer."

"Is that why you haven't asked her out? Because you thought I was with her?" When John just took another bite of food, Lorne sighed. "I'm only going to say this once, because I don't want to risk court martial twice."

At that, John's head shot up and he narrowed his eyes at the man sitting across from him. "Major?" he asked warningly.

Lorne continued, speaking quietly so they would not be overheard. "If any two people deserve to find a little happiness, it's the two of you. You shouldn't wait until it's too late. Having said that, I feel it's my duty as Randi's best friend to tell you that if you hurt her, I _will_ make you suffer."

John nodded slowly. He admitted nothing about his feelings and didn't say anything about his 2IC threatening him. He simply replied, "She's lucky she has you to look out for her."

Lorne turned the conversation to other matters, as if it had never happened.

dream...

_He could see her silhouette at the end of the pier, where she is waiting for him. His pace faltered for a moment when he realized that she appeared to be naked. When he was near, she turned to him with a smile. _

_"How do they look?" She gestured to the necklace and earrings, which were the only things she had on._

_He looked her up and down. "Amazing."_

_Stepping into her open arms, he pulled her close, one hand around her waist and another at her nape, and kissed her. "I normally don't like surprises, but this one I like. A lot." He nibbled at her neck, just below her ear. He's learned what drives her crazy and that spot is in the top five. His hand drifts down to her ass, pulling her against him, already seeking that friction for his erection._

_She pushes him away and steps back. She reaches out and slowly begins to undress him. He still can't understand this kink of hers that she enjoys undressing painfully slow, one item of clothing at a time. But, he's decided he can live with it, because as torture goes, this is the best kind. He can only wait so long though and so he helps by kicking off his sneakers. _

_When he is naked, she stands back to admire his body. He can feel her hunger and it makes him even harder. He feels a flush rise on his face, as she continues to rake over him with her eyes. Stepping close, but not touching him, she starts to circle him slowly, still looking at him and humming appreciatively. He's never been looked at, scrutinized, quite like this. It's disconcerting, but turns him on anyway. He watches her come around his other side, having circled behind him. Suddenly, he feels her nails on him, scraping lightly up his spine. _

_His eyes close and he leans his head back in pleasure. "God, Randi, please... now... please..." He is shameless in his begging. He knows she's aware of what that move does to him. _

_"Lie down, John."_

_Opening his eyes, he notices a blanket spread on the pier. Lying down in the center of it, he reaches a hand up for her, expecting her to lay beside him. Instead, she straddles him and rubs against him. He groans and grasps her hips. She doesn't make him wait. Taking his cock in her hand, she guides it into herself and sinks down on him, impaling herself with a moan that John echoes. _

_She meets his eyes and begins to ride him. Holding her hips, he thrusts up into her, meeting her as they set up a fast and hard rhythm. The sex is a bit rough and they slam into each other. John thought it was perfect. They are both loud in bed but tonight, out on the open pier, there are no walls to contain their cries and moans. Randi's cries escalate in volume and she tightens around him as she comes. John comes hard, bucking up into her and holding her hips tight enough to leave bruises. _

_She falls forward onto him and they try to catch their breath. When she rolls off him and cuddles into his side, he pulls the blanket around them and they watch the stars together. _

end of dream

Todd was due to arrive at the alpha site that afternoon, with two prisoners in tow. He had been been intrigued by Keller's report and said he had subjects he would be willing to "contribute to a cause that could benefit both our races." John wasn't surprised. He knew Todd was interested in finding ways to stymie or destroy his rival hives and had no problem killing other Wraith to do it.

There was no way three Wraith (even if two were manacled) were going to enter Atlantis. They had spent the last two days erecting a makeshift brig, strong enough to keep Wraith at bay, within the infirmary/research portion of the building. Under Rodney and Keller's direction, they had merged the medical and research centers enough that the testing could occur where the prisoners were kept by simply erecting a few holding cells.

The closer the time got, the more John's anxiety level went up. He had barely slept since they heard back from Todd three days ago. When he did sleep, his anxiety carried over into his dreams. He tried to persuade his dream-Randi that this was a bad idea. She would just smile, kiss him and lead him to bed. Which, he supposed, was an effective way to distract him. Too bad he wasn't being distracted like that in real life. In real life, her response to him was to remind him he had trusted Todd before. He told her that he had never had to trust him with her life before. That made her eyes go wide and he left before he said anything else.

Keller and Rodney had banned him from the research station this morning, when he had shown up, again, to ask/beg them to find another way to test this. He was nervous for both he and Randi. He'd been fed on before and wasn't looking forward to doing it again. But, he really hated the thought of one of his people going through that. He had received the new subcutaneous transmitter that morning, right before he was kicked out of the medical center. Rodney and Keller had worked nonstop to come up with a prototype that was large enough to give off some naquada, but small enough to still be hard to detect. It's placement required one suture and might leave a small scar, but wouldn't be easily recognizable to enemies.

To no one's surprise, but to the anger of his team, he had insisted on being the one to test the prototype. Lorne had made a solid argument about why it should be him instead, but John told them it was his call as CO. Woolsey didn't override his decision. John thought he was probably glad he had a volunteer and would not have to order anyone to submit to a Wraith feeding. John didn't tell him Lorne had volunteered as well.

Todd and his prisoners, weak with what Todd said was hunger, arrived and the prisoners were placed in the brig without incident. John and Todd eyed each other, as comfortable with each other as usual, which was to say not too comfortable.

"So, what did they do?" John inquired, raising an eyebrow and making a sweeping hand motion toward the cells.

"Does it matter?"

"No," John didn't really care what they had done to get on Todd's bad side. "Just curious."

Todd glanced at one of the prisoners. "I had planned to let them starve, but your experiment intrigued me. If successful, I believe it would provide a fitting end for them."

"Right." John drew out the word and turned when Randi entered. "Speaking of the experiment, this is Miranda Baxter."

Todd turned to her. "Miranda Baxter, you are the one who possesses faulty blood?"

"Not so faulty if you don't want to get eaten." She grinned and stuck out her hand to him.

Everyone froze. "Randi, what the hell?" John made a step towards her, when he heard Todd laugh. An actual laugh. He turned back to Randi and saw the challenge on her face. "It seems you are ready to start the testing early." Todd reached out his feeding hand and clasped hers, not letting it go until Ronon growled.

Todd stepped back, chuckling. John pulled Randi aside. "What the hell was that? Are you crazy?"

"I just wanted to get an idea of what might happen. You know I do best at that through touch. From what I could sense, this should work!" She frowned at the scowl on his face. "Besides, I knew you wouldn't let anything happen."

He ran his hand through his hair, frustrated and angry. "Geez, give a guy a little warning next time. Don't do that to me again, baby."

Randi's eyes flew to his face. "What did you call me?"

_Crap_. Keeping his face as casual as he could, he opted for total denial. "Randi, I called you Randi." He gave her a look that said are you feeling okay?

She gave him a funny look. "Okay. Sorry, I must be hearing things."

When she walked away to get hooked up to the EKG and neural monitors Keller insisted on, John turned to Todd. "If this doesn't work, you damn well better return whatever's taken from her."

Todd gave him a considering look. "John Sheppard, I still consider you my brother." He didn't seem bothered by John's discomfort at that. "By extension, your mate is a sister to me. If life is taken from her, you have my word that I will return it." John was startled by the mention of Randi as his mate, but he didn't correct him. If thinking they were mates made Todd more cooperative, then so be it. John nodded his acceptance and left Ronon and Todd to glare at each other.

When the experiment was set up, Todd entered the first cell and lifted the Wraith by the collar, forcing him to stand. John followed him in, with Randi, Ronon and Keller. Randi stepped forward and John had to swallow a lump in his throat. He forced himself to let her approach the Wraith, where she stopped a foot in front of him.

The wraith looked wary, like he knew something was up. But when Todd said "you may feed," he didn't hesitate, the hunger driving him. He opened his fist and slammed it against Randi's chest. She staggered a step, but then righted herself. John could see the etchings of pain on her face and was about to break in, when he heard the prisoner gasp. The Wraith jerked his hand away and stared at Randi in horror. He staggered back, grasping his arm, then shoulder. He began to screech in pain and Keller covered her ears. When he finally fell to the floor immobile and silent, the quiet was deafening. It had all happened in seconds.

Todd turned to Randi. "I heard his mind as he died. You are not human. What are you? How then can this effect," he gestured to the dead Wraith on the floor, "be replicated?"

Randi closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, her glowing eyes met Todd's and she spoke with the resonance of the Go'uld. "I am human. I was possessed by a being that altered my blood. What you see and hear now is merely the remains of the parasite that the prisoner detected."

Keller spoke up, "We believe we have found a way to replicate the changes in Randi's blood."

John sighed. "Guess that's my cue." Randi turned to John with worry evident in her eyes. "Hey, you saw how quickly that one went down. I'll be fine." He hoped his voice sounded as calm as he thought it did. He knew his friends would stop the test and Todd would restore his life if things went bad, but that knowledge couldn't erase the memories of being fed on.

Keller reviewed Randi's tests. Other than a slightly elevated heart rate during the test, she was fine. John got hooked up to the same machines and took a deep breath. He clapped a hand on Rodney's shoulder, since the other man looked like he was struggling to find something to say. Walking into the cell, he noticed this prisoner appeared weaker than the first. He wondered if Randi picked the other for that reason.

The prisoner seemed slightly incoherent and John wasn't sure if he even knew what had been happening around him. He was aware of John though and he immediately lunged, pushing John against the wall. John had to suppress his instinct to fight back. He struggled to keep his arms at his sides and watched in horror as the Wraith's feeding hand came towards him. At first, there was the intense pain he remembered, but then the pain died and he felt tingling in his chest. The prisoner pulled his hand off with an angry cry. It took longer, maybe 30 seconds, but the effect was the same. A dead Wraith on the floor.

dream...

_"I'm glad you're OK. I don't want to lose you." His voice was rough with emotion. _

_"You didn't. And you won't, not if I can help it." She cupped his face with her hand and brushed his lips with the pad of her thumb. "I will always do my best to come home to you. You'd better do the same for me."_

_"I will. I..." Talking about his feelings has always been difficult for him, but he wants her to know, to understand what she means to him. He leans in and kisses her, a sweet and gentle kiss. Their foreheads and noses touching, he blurts out "I love you, Randi." He holds his breath._

_She is silent for a moment and when he dares to open his eyes, she is smiling, tears in her eyes. "I love you, too, John. So much." _

end of dream.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Hope you liked it! Please review!


	8. Chapter 8

I'm late, I know! Life gets crazy. Thank you so much to all the people who have marked and are following this story! I really appreciate it!

Chapter 8

_They had a real date tonight. She made dinner and he salvaged it when her main course almost caught fire. They shared a bottle of wine, talked on the balcony and started making out while they were dancing under the stars. John thinks it's the best date he can remember, even with nearly setting off the fire suppression system. _

_Now they are on her bed. Randi is naked, leaning over him and mouthing him through his boxers. He feels her shoulders start to shake before he hears the laughter. He thinks he hears her mumble something that sounds like "it must be happy."_

_"What's so funny?"_

_"Sorry, sorry, just... It's smiling at me." She dissolves into laughter. _

_John pushed up to lean on his elbows to look at his crotch and raised his eyebrow when he realized his erection was smiling at her. Or, rather the cartoon propellor planes with smiley faces on his boxers were smiling at her. "You know, laughing at your boyfriend's penis is not a good way to get sex." _

_"Sorry! It's just... smiley faces. It's cute." _

_John wore a mock horrified expression. "Cute?" He crossed his arms and leaned back. "Definitely no sex for you." But he was having a hard time not smiling himself. _

_"What if I tell you that's the biggest smiley face I've ever seen?"_

_"That might help."_

_"That's a very nice propellor you have there, John." She spoke in her best sultry voice, kissing her way up to his neck. _

_He rolled his eyes. "God, that was terrible."_

_She chuckled against his neck. "Are you still going to cut me off?" She reached into his boxers and began stroking him, running the tip of her thumb over the head._

_He moaned and briefly wondered when he started getting so loud in bed. "You've almost made it up to me." She nibbled on his earlobe and continued to stroke his length. When she squeezed just a bit tighter, he bucked up. "Okay, your punishment's over." He rolled them over and she helped him push his boxers off. _

_"Good, I'm not sure I would have lasted much longer." She smiled up at him. _

_"Don't I know it." He leaned down to kiss her as he pushed into her._

end of dream.

In retrospect, he should have seen it coming. The signs were there. But really, who ever thinks crap like this can happen, even in Pegasus.

The mission started off well, great in fact. Actually, the entire mission went well, until John almost chewed Randi's head off in front of the nice natives.

John and Randi had been teaming up to intentionally annoy Rodney, especially on uneventful missions. They tell stupid jokes, sing 99 ZPMs On The Wall and tell embarrassing (and only sometimes false) stories about themselves almost dying, which causes Rodney to gape open-mouthed at them and then launch into a rant about how lucky they were to have beaten the odds to live this long when they are both so "idiotic." Works every time and as team-building goes, it's perfect. Everyone is entertained and Rodney actually seems to enjoy it, once he realizes they are pulling his leg. John suspects it makes him feel closer to them, to be picked on and feel free to pick on them in return.

He was anticipating a similar show today, on their walk from the gate to the village they are attempting to establish a trade agreement with. But Randi has apparently decided to switch sides and team up with Rodney to annoy John. _Traitor, _he thinks at her. He sees how much Rodney is enjoying himself though and doesn't want to begrudge him that. But really, they aren't playing fair.

They are speaking primarily in Go'uld, _when did Rodney learn Go'uld?_, but throw in just enough English and hand gestures to make John increasingly nervous. Words like John, Mensa, rope, Kirk, puddlejumper, priestess, naked and _Jesus, did he just say blowjob?_

"Alright! Enough you two. I'm sure Teyla and Ronon are getting sick of hearing you blabber incoherently." Too late, John realizes that Rodney looks entirely too smug for the situation.

Ronon smirks, "Nope, I'm good." Teyla just smiles sweetly when he glares at Ronon. _They're all traitors._

"Under four minutes! Yes, I win! Pay up, loser." Rodney has his hand out, palm up and Randi is digging through her tac vest pocket.

"I could have sworn he'd make it to five minutes. I think he's just having an off day. Best two out of three?"

"Hah! No way. Hand it over."

Randi tried to hold back a smile when she smacked Rodney's hand with a Snickers bar. Rodney looked at it reverently for a moment and then eagerly ripped it open and took a bite, moaning in pleasure.

"Hey, you won that at my expense. I should get at least half." Rodney didn't even respond, unless you can call the finger over his shoulder a response. John turned to Randi. "I can't believe you bet on me."

"Don't worry. Next mission, we'll torment Rodney again."

"Oh, no. Next mission it's me and McKay against you."

She looked at him and smirked. "Five thousand years of memories, and I think that's one of the scariest things I've ever heard."

John glanced at her through his sunglasses. "Thanks. I think?" She just chuckled and joined Rodney to try and get him to part with half of his candy bar.

The village is low-industrial, so Rodney is interested for approximately 30 seconds, before he is mumbling about wasting his valuable time. They have been here before and are only here to make addendums to their trade agreement, as they have heard the berries on this world are good for desserts, as well as medicines. The natives are nice and the Lead Couple (John thinks it sounds similar to a monarchy) are generous with their hospitality and order a feast be prepared in order that the team can sample the items they might like to trade for.

John and Teyla are sitting with the Lead Couple under the awning at the edge of the courtyard, working out some of the broader points of the trade. Rodney is sitting on a low wall about 10 meters away, working on his laptop. Ronon and Randi were walking rounds but have relaxed some, since the courtyard is full of children. He knows that they will still keep a lookout though. Ronon is soon pulled into the game that the children are playing and John has to smile, because as big and incongruous as he looks out there, he is great with the kids. He's obviously enjoying himself and John sees him pull Randi in too. She isn't quite as relaxed but laughs and plays along. She tries to entice Rodney to join them, but he waves her off. Apparently, this is an affront to the children, because several look close to tears. Randi's eyes widen, like she's afraid of crying children, and she marches over to grab Rodney's collar and drag him out to join their game, which seems similar to tag.

Minor crisis averted, he turns his attention back to the Lead Couple, who are discussing medical supplies with Teyla. They successfully finish their negotiations several minutes before the dinner is ready. The Lead Couple, having noticed John watching the fun in the courtyard, encourage him to join. He shrugs and says why not, secretly glad because it's not like he literally gets to play very often. By the time dinner is announced, even Rodney was laughing.

Dinner was strange, but good. John and Teyla were seated to the Lead Couple's right and Randi and Ronon to their left. John had forgotten that this planet values it's children and it's couples above all else and his team is one person short. Their host bring in a local woman to act as Rodney's other half for dinner. Unfortunately, she is a beautiful blond and McKay spends half the meal nearly drooling over her. Luckily, their hosts don't seem to mind and they make it to the dessert course. Large bowls of berries and cream are placed on the table. Rodney and his "date" dig right in and the berries must be good, because McKay's going back for seconds. John pops one in his mouth and gets a pained look on his face, that he tries to wipe away quickly.

"Is there a problem, Colonel Sheppard?"

"No ma'am." He smiled at his host and took a drink of water to wash out the taste.

She seemed content to leave it at that, but Rodney wasn't. _Of course, he would be the one to focus on it._

"What's wrong, Colonel I'll-Eat-Anything? They taste like blueberries!" John noticed they were even staining Rodney's lips like blueberries would and it reminded him unpleasantly of his old CO.

"Oh, Colonel Sheppard doesn't like blueberries or anything that tastes like them." Randi smiled apologetically at their host, who simply smiled and had a different dessert brought for John.

John did a double-take and stared at her. Randi just looked back at him with a look that said "what's the problem?" He had never discussed why he didn't like blueberries with anyone. It seemed like a silly thing to keep a secret, but it meant something to him and he spends the walk back to the gate trying to figure out how she knew about it.

He waited for her outside the infirmary. When she walked out after her post-mission physical was done, she was looking intently at a datapad and turned to head toward the control room.

"Baxter!" The icy look he gave her told her she better follow. He led her to his quarters and turned on her once the door slid shut behind them.

"How did you know that?" John's voice had gone cold.

Randi had seen the look on his face and she didn't pretend not to understand. "You told me, remember?"

"No. No, I don't remember. Because I never told you that. What the hell do you do? Is it like reading the gate, you can read people, their minds?" He was looming over her, his fists clenched at his side. He felt betrayed.

She looked up at him, brow furrowed. "Are you listening to yourself? Have you completely lost your mind?"

"You tell me! How the fuck did you know that?" He couldn't stop his voice from rising.

She poked him in the chest. "Stop being an ass and listen to me! I already told you. You to-"

"No! I never told anyone that, no one, I wouldn't!" He was yelling now.

She got in his face. "Well, you did." She spit out the words and her eyes flashed gold. She didn't seem to notice. "I clearly remember sitting out on the pier with you and you said..." She expected more yelling, not silence and the hunted look on John's face. His eyes darted back and forth, as if he were looking for an escape route. She stepped into his line of vision.

"John?"

"It was a dream. I... I had a dream like that. I told you that in a dream." He was looking at her desperately and saw the instant she realized it too. Her eyes widened and she turned away.

"John," she took a deep breath, "how many dreams like that have you had?"

He took a deep breath before he admitted to her just how often he thinks of her. "I... I dream of you almost every night, for months now." His voice was a whisper.

She closed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. He could almost see her closing herself off, trying to hide from him. "So, all this time... it's been real? Everything we've done," she gestured between the two of them, "in our dreams, has been real!" Her voice rose with every word, until she was almost yelling.

_This can't be happening. This is nuts. _They were both quiet, lost in their own thoughts. She jumped when he broke the silence. "Ok, I know how to test this." She glanced at him but looked away quickly. "What did we find in the lower levels?"

"The swimming pool," she answered quickly. "Where are we, most of the time?"

"South pier." He thought for a moment. "You asked me to tell you something no one else knew. What did I tell you?"

"Besides the blueberries?" She cringed. "Shit, John, I'm sorry. God." She came to stand before him but wouldn't look at him. "A Boy Named Sue. You sing that song to cheer yourself up." She saw him nod slightly. She spoke so softly, he strained to hear her. "What was I wearing the first time we kissed?"

He grinned before he could stop himself. "Jeans. And that damn red tank top I couldn't take my eyes off of."

"I noticed."

His grin disappeared when she finally met his eyes. He saw fear. Not the fear of nearly dying or going into battle. It was the fear he had seen in her when she slipped and talked about Sekhmet's memories. Fear of rejection, of losing something important, of losing herself.

It hit him suddenly. It was all real. Every conversation, every touch, had really happened. The woman in his dreams was right in front of him.

"It was all real. Randi, I... I've wished for it, but I never dreamed it could be real." He grimaced when he realized what he said. "I mean-oh, hell." He reached out and threaded his fingers through her hair, stepping closer to her. She tilted her head up, and he leaned in. He could just feel the brush of her lips against his when the pain ripped through him.

"John! John, can you hear me?" The pain in his head rapidly dissipated and he opened his eyes to see Randi leaning over him, her eyes radiating fear.

"What happened? What am I doing on the floor?" He stumbled when he stood up and she steadied him.

"You blacked out. Sit back down. I'm going to call the infirmary."

"No, I'm fine. Really, I feel fine." And he did. He didn't know where the pain came from, but it was gone now and Randi was right there in front of him. He settled his hands on her hips and pulled her closer, resting his forehead against hers. She winced and then jumped away and fisted both of her hands next to her temples. "Randi!" He helped her sit on the bed and knelt in front of her, brushing her hair out of her face with his right hand, holding her hand with his left.

"Do you hear that?" He had to strain to hear her, she was barely whispering.

"Hear what?" He heard the sounds of their breathing and the hum of Atlantis, nothing else.

"Listen. I can hear her. Atlantis." She looked at him intently. "John, listen. She's saying something."

He almost told her that the city wasn't sentient and couldn't speak like that, but he thought of the ever-present hum and his growing connection to the city, how he could now feel a malfunction or damage to the city. How he could diagnose the problem just by touching the wall and opening his mind. _ It's not like stranger things haven't happened here._ Squeezing her hand, he closed his eyes and reached out till the humming filled his mind. There. _What the-whoa! _An image took hold in his mind. A room dominated by a pillar that descended from the ceiling like a stalactite, ending abruptly about eight feet off the floor.

John can hear Atlantis calling him to that room and it drives him, almost like a compulsion. He stands to head for his door and Randi joins him. They use the transporter to go a part of the city neither has been to before. In fact, it looks like no one has been here in 10,000 years. As they walk, John slowly begins to panic as it starts to sink in that everything he ever said, or did, with his dream-Randi, was really happening. _ I really told her all that. She knows... everything._ _She knows my secrets. About Holland and Nancy and Sumner and Dad and Dave. God, she even knows what I like in bed. _He felt himself flush as he glanced over at her, just in time to see her look away from him.

Both lost in their own thoughts, John stops with Randi when she places her hand against a non-descript looking section of the wall in the corridor. She looks like she does when she is reading the 'gate.

"It's here," he hears her mumble.

"Great. What is it? And where? This is just a wall." He doesn't admit that he can hear a steady beat added to the hum of the city, and that the sound seems to be coming from the wall.

"I'm not sure what it is, but it's behind here..." She stared at the wall and then removed her hand as the wall opened to reveal a large room beyond. There were consoles lining the wall with the hidden door. Otherwise, the room was empty, save for the stalactite-like pillar hanging from the 30 foot high ceiling. The pillar ends about eight feet off the ground. Directly beneath it, there is a pedestal that stands just a few inches off the ground. There is minimal lighting coming from the consoles and it is difficult to see.

They wander around opposite sides of the pedestal. John reaches with his mind, trying to find the link that will explain this place to him. He hears Randi's sigh of frustration and knows she has not been successful with it either.

"Any guesses, John?" She speaks softly, but it still echos in the cavernous room.

"No. Maybe we can find something on the consoles."

The consoles were inactive and John had just reached out to touch, to think _on_, when he hears a feminine voice behind him, "Do not touch that. It is not time for them to be activated." He spun around, pulling his weapon and aiming it at... the transparent people standing on the pedestal.

Whispering to Randi, who had her zat pulled and had moved several yards away to give the visitors more than one target, "holograms or ascended?"

"Holograms." There was no doubt in her voice. "Ascended beings have a different energy feel." She relaxed her stance, but kept the zat ready. John knew their weapons would not be effective against holograms (and admittedly, probably not needed against them) but he knew himself and Randi well enough to know they both felt more comfortable with them.

The two people portrayed on the pedestal were dressed as Ancients, the muted colors and tunics a giveaway. The woman looked irritated. Her expression was stern and her nose was raised in a way that gave the impression of looking down on them. Her auburn hair was pulled back tightly from her face and cascaded down her back. Her hands were at her sides and she appeared to be standing at attention. By contrast, the man beside her looked relaxed and happy, his hands folded in front of him, a smile on his face that reached his eyes. He was an inch taller than the woman and had a slightly stocky build, with light brown hair and blue eyes that looked a little too bright in the transparent form.

"Really, Jothara, they are the new Keepers. They do not need to be scolded."

"They obviously do not know what they are dealing with."

"Well, that's why we are here." He turned back to John and Randi with a smile. "My name is Kieren. Jothara and I were the last Keepers." He looked at them expectantly and his smile faltered at the confused looks Randi and John gave each other.

"Okaay. Nice to meet you. I'm Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard and this is Miranda Baxter." John pasted on his best meet-the-natives smile.

Kieren's smile returned. "We know who you are. We-"

"You know us? Great. Now get to the part that explains _how_ you know us, who you are, what are Keepers and why you're here."

"Randi!" John shot her a look.

"What? This isn't just a little weird to you?" She gestured toward the couple on the pedestal and John met her eyes, tried to communicate to her to just wait and be patient, that they needed intel and that he understood her anxiety, that he was feeling it too. He hoped she got all that.

"I see you have progressed to non-verbal communication. That is good." Jothara actually looked more relaxed now. She stepped forward, off the pedestal. "Kieren and I created holographic representations of ourselves in order to assist the next Keepers in adjusting to their roles. We exist as holograms only within this room. We ourselves cannot operate any city systems, but we have been able to access city records. That is how we know of you."

Kieren sat on the edge of the pedestal and stretched his legs out in front of him, looking for all the world like he was there to just hang out with friends. Jothara gave him a disapproving look, which he ignored. "John," he began, "Atlantis slept for thousands of years. She began to awake when you arrived in the city. She recognized a Lantean life sign and has allowed the humans to use her systems because you have desired it. When Miranda arrived, as the second Lantean, the city took notice. Atlantis has waited a long time to have Lanteans in her corridors again. The only thing keeping her from being fully functional now that you are both here, is a power supply issue."

"Don't suppose you can tell us how to build a ZPM then?" Randi was almost flippant, trying not to sound too interested in what Kieren was saying.

"That is not our purpose here."

"Jothara is correct, though I hate to admit it. We are here to assist you."

"Yeah, you mentioned that. Assist us with what, exactly?"

Kieren's smile faded. "We owe you an apology. It did not occur to us that you might not realize what the dreams meant. We thought you entered into them of your own free will." John stiffened. "It was not until the city felt your pain a short while ago, that we realized our mistake."

Jothara's voice was firm, but not unkind when she spoke. "Keepers must know each other at least as well as they know themselves. The mutual and interactive dreams allow the three of you to get to know each other in a safe environment."

"The three of us?" Randi sounded apprehensive.

"Yes, Miranda. You, John and Atlantis. Atlantis is the link between you that allows you to share your dreams. Having too much contact outside the link, in the physical world, can cause pain. That effect will end once the bonds between the three of you are permanent." They noticed the confusion and, John is willing to admit to possibly looking panicky, and Jothara turned to Kieren. "I forget they have limited knowledge. Perhaps you should start at the beginning."

Kieren rose and began to pace slowly as he told the story of the earliest years of Atlantis. He told of the Lanteans crowning technological achievement, Atlantis. He explained that the great achievement was not the massive city that could fly, float and sink. It was it's AI, designed to keep the city active and functional without it's occupants having to think about it. It was hugely successful and it was not until the first crisis occurred that the Lanteans realized the AI's limits. "The AI could not use reason, or even sentiment, to override it's programming. Because of that, several lives and much cultural knowledge and food stores were lost in order to prevent damage to a part of the city that was listed as important within the city systems. The Lanteans would have been willing to rebuild, or part with that technology, but the city was not." Since it is difficult at best to override the city protocols, to do so in the middle of a crisis was determined to be foolhardy. The Lanteans created the protocols for a good reason though and decided to keep them in place. The Chair was reserved for weapons use and the one time they did have an individual in the Chair to override protocols during a simulated crisis, the massiveness of the city and the AI nearly destroyed her mind.

It was decided that two minds, strong minds, would be needed and that they would need to be able to merge with the city systems, while grounding each other. "It was a coming together of the research between Ascension and AI," Kieren explained. After a generation of failed experimentation, their scientists and the city hit a successful combination. The city was programmed to gradually link with two individuals, creating a buffer of sorts, that allowed them to communicate together, with the city present. To the minds of the Lanteans being linked, this communication occurred in the form of dreams. They had to become comfortable and familiar to each other, to limit surprises and distractions when fully linked with each other's minds and Atlantis. They also became acclimated to the city's presence in their minds. When a crisis arose that threatened the city, the two Lanteans, known as the Keepers of Atlantis, would stand on the pedestal, hands and foreheads touching, and link fully with the city. They found the physical touch with the mental link at the same time completed the link with the city. "After the link is complete, you are bonded. To each other and to Atlantis. You will never again feel complete apart from each other."

John and Randi were quiet for a long time and John noticed Randi had sat on the floor at some point during Kieren's explanation. She looked up at him finally. "That explains the pain earlier. It's not a crisis. It's not time for us to link... or bond, yet."

"That is correct. You will be able to be together, in the physical world, once the bond is complete." Jothara did not seem bothered by this, but Kieren seemed sympathetic to them when he added, "I am sorry. I can only imagine how I would feel in your situation. But, I can tell you that the bond is worth waiting for."

They stayed for a while, asking questions occasionally, but really just taking in the information. Eventually, the holograms disappeared and they were left in awkward silence. Randi mumbled something about having an early mission with Lorne's team in the morning and John was grateful for the excuse. He didn't sleep that night, nervous about what would happen if they dreamed again.

Randi went off-world with Lorne's team the next day for a three day mission. They were performing an extended survey of an uninhabited world that was on the short list for a Beta site. John was ridiculously glad for her absence, yet he found himself missing both her daily presence and their dreams. He threw himself into his work and sparred to exhaustion with Ronon, who looked at him sideways but didn't ask.

When Randi returned to the city with Lorne's team, which included Parrish and Zelenka, John found himself walking into the infirmary before he even realized it. He was considering turning tail and fleeing but was caught when he heard Zelenka call to him. "Colonel! I see Rodney did not cause catastrophe while I was gone?" He heard Lorne chuckle.

John caught sight of Rodney, standing next to Radek's bed and already pushing a datapad into his hands. He smirked and said, "Well, you know McKay. It was close a couple times."

"Very funny, Colonel." Rodney turned back to Zelenka. "Now, have they cleared you yet? I have a simulation running and I need you to babysit the minions. They haven't let me get any work done."

"Ah, Rodney, what would you do without me?" Zelenka gave a quick smile to his teammates, who were putting on their jackets, and headed out the door with McKay. John made arrangements to meet with Lorne after the man had a chance to shower and eat. Randi's medical clearance always took longer, since they checked the Go'uld too. Soon, she and John were the only ones in the room. Neither said anything and the silence quickly became awkward. When Keller came in with the ultrasound machine, John took the opportunity to sneak out. He wasn't proud of himself, but this situation was so far outside his comfort zone that he didn't know how to begin to handle it.

So, in typical John Sheppard fashion, when uncomfortable feelings are involved anyway, he buried his head in the sand. He worked odd hours, ignoring questions from his 2IC and teammates (not that Rodney really noticed), which allowed him to catch on some sleep during times that he knew Randi was working or sparring. He wasn't getting nearly enough sleep and the circles under his eyes were darkening, but the longer he avoided her, the harder it became to try to get back to that place they had been at before. She took her lead from him and avoided him, except for meals and missions. For those, she managed to act almost like normal and he envied her that. Teyla was giving him those looks that meant she was going to corner him soon and make him either fix whatever was wrong or make him talk about whatever is wrong until he would rather fix it. So, he started avoiding Teyla a bit too. Lorne was giving him the evil eye and he flashed back to the threat Evan made if John ever hurt Randi. Generally, life sucked.

They were in space when it all finally fell apart. John, Rodney, Teyla and Ronon were coming back from a bust of a mission. _Really, is the database ever right about energy sources and advanced civilizations?_ John had actually wished for some action, just for the adrenaline to wake him up a bit. They were heading back to Atlantis via a space gate. Rodney had dialed and all John had to do was retract the pods and propel the jumper gently through the event horizon. His exhaustion must have gotten the best of him though, because suddenly he was being jarred awake and his teammates are yelling his name and the jumper is spinning away from the gate. He can see the blue of the wormhole as the jumper window rotates past it.

"What happened? Is everyone okay?" He turned to check on his team and was met with one incredulous and slightly accusing stare and two concerned ones. Everyone seemed to be okay though.

"What the hell do you mean what happened, Sheppard? You fucking fell asleep! You fucking _fell asleep_ and ran us into the side of the damn gate! We're lucky we were in space and there was nothing else for us to hit, and that the damn hull didn't breach!"

John could feel his face flush and then pale when Rodney's words hit him. _Shit! I could have killed them. _

"John, are you alright?" Teyla's hand was gentle on his arm. He didn't get to answer her though, as Rodney stood up and ordered him out of his seat.

John opened his mouth to argue, but thought better of it when he saw Rodney's face. He was angry, but there was concern and fear in his eyes. He switched places with McKay and let him fly them back.

He got the third degree from Keller and Woolsey. Luckily, they bought his story about insomnia and Keller just gave him some ambien, which he didn't really need, but thanked her for anyway. He made a point of apologizing to his teammates and making sure they were okay. He suffered through Woolsey's lecture and offer of vacation and assured him that it was not necessary. On his way to his quarters, he radioed Zelenka to check on the jumper. He got a diatribe of Czech that he assumed was a rant on scratching the hull. Radek said the jumper would be fine. While he was changing into his running clothes, he got a call from Lorne, asking if he was alright and did he need to give any work to the Major to relieve his load? He figured Woolsey put Lorne up to that and he sighed and said he was fine. He wanted to blow it off and tell everyone to stop overreacting, but he knew just how badly he had screwed up. He was a pilot and he fell asleep at the goddamned controls! He was furious with himself and continued to berate himself until he was far enough into his run that he couldn't think anymore.

When he walks into his quarters, he finds Randi standing at his window. She turns around and her eyes are glowing. She starts to speak and it is the voice of the Go'uld. He knows that she has trouble controlling that when she is angry. She stops herself and he sees her try to control herself. Her eyes are still glowing, but her voice is her own again. Not that it helps, because she is still yelling at him.

"You idiot! You could have gotten yourself killed. You could have killed your team!"

This is so not what he needs right now. "I know! Goddammit, I know! Fuck!" He turns and punches the nearest object, which happens to be the door. The very solid door. "Shit!"

"Christ, John." Randi is next to him now, healing device held over his hand and he is trying to avoid thinking about the fact that her other hand is curled around his wrist, holding his arm steady. She finishes quickly and then steps away. "I'll leave the team. I'll avoid you as much as I can, okay?" She turned to him and there was a pained look on her face. "I can go for days without sleep, and be fine. You need to sleep every day. If one of us is going to avoid sleeping, it _will_ be me."

"You don't have to do that."

She barks out a bitter laugh and it doesn't sound good coming from her. "Please, John. This damn city chose the two people that are least likely to make this whole bonding thing work. If avoidance is what works for us, then... we'll do that."

He wants to say that avoiding her wasn't working for him. He wants to say that he misses her, that he still wants her. He can't make his mouth open though and he thinks maybe she's right. The city chose poorly when it chose them. It would have been better off to wait for the next two Lanteans to come through the gate.

She walks past him, not looking at him. "Go to sleep, John. I'll be working in the lab all night, so you won't see me."

He doesn't plan on saying it. He just blurts out, "That's not what I want."

Her face is carefully blank. "What do you want?"

He doesn't answer.

She sighs and runs a hand through her hair. "Just go to sleep, John."

She turns to leave, but pauses when she hears him whisper "You, too." She gives a sharp nod and leaves.

He would sleep, but there is a question he needs answered first. He doesn't even bother to shower, just leaves his quarters again and makes his way to the room where everything went to hell. When he walks in, the holograms of Jothara and Kieren appear.

"Uh, no offense, but could I speak with Kieren? Alone?" He is relieved when Jothara vanishes without protest. He knows from their previous conversation that she hears everything Kieren hears, but it still feels easier to talk with just Kieren. Jothara is a bit too stiff for John to feel comfortable around.

"You and Miranda are not doing well." Kieren sees the sinking look John sends him and says, "Atlantis feels the loss of your time together. You will not do well apart, John."

"It isn't that easy. I mean... neither one of us is very... open. We're private people."

He startles when Kieren begins to laugh. "John, you have met Jothara. Do you think she is easy to get to know?" His smile fades and he gestures for John to sit with him. "While there are people who are more difficult to know, such as yourself and Miranda, in truth everyone has secrets. Everyone has a side of themselves that no one else gets to see. That is why the interactive dreams exist. Every pair of Keepers has had trouble getting to know each other. The difference is that other Keepers have known what the dreams were and accepted them, knowing the path was difficult. You and Miranda had no choice in the matter but are now forced to accept this path after revealing yourselves to the other without understanding what was happening."

John gets that, theoretically anyway. He understands academically the hard journey, the connection between minds, etcetera, etcetera. But, that is not what he came here to ask. "When we talked a couple weeks ago, you said you could only imagine our situation. Did you mean that Randi and I are-were," he cringed with the thought they might not be anymore, "together in our dreams?" Kieren nodded and John continued, "So, you and Jothara aren't? Together?"

Kieren outright laughed at that. "No, Jothara and I could barely stand each other until the dreams started. Even then, even after we got to know each other and bonded with each other and Atlantis, we still avoided each other in the physical world. We each had our own families and were never interested in a romantic relationship. That is the way with most Keepers." He turned to John and waited until he met his eyes. "Most Keepers find that knowing someone so deeply dispels any feelings of romance. If you have romantic feelings for Miranda, then they were not caused by the link. Is that what you are asking?"

John feels relief as he nods. "So, no other Keepers have ever...?"

"You have an odd way of not finishing sentences, John." Kieren laughed at the surprised look on his face. "There was one pair of Keepers. Tanash and Barisal. They became lovers and eventually married. It is said they shared an eternal love." Kieren smiled and leaned conspiratorially towards John. "I was a poet in my spare time."

After thanking Kieren, John returns to his quarters, showers quickly and falls into bed. He feels reassured that this relationship he had with Randi was real and he feels ready to see her. Sort of.

dreaming...

_He knows now just how upset she is with him. If the yelling and glowing eyes weren't enough in his quarters, the simple fact that she's making him look for her in their dream would be. He stops suddenly when he realizes that he's aware he's dreaming. He can see the differences now, the things that seemed normal in all the other dreams-the softness of the light and angles around him, the absence of the other city residents, and the intense thrum of Atlantis through his blood, enough to make him feel wired and alive. _

_He ends up at the end of the south pier, where they spend most of their time. It's empty though and he stares at the water, trying to decide where to try next, when he hears a soft voice. "Look down." He leans over the edge and sees Randi's feet sticking out over the end of the ledge below. _

_He swings down, which would be dangerous in the waking world, and sees her sitting against the wall with her eyes closed. Her arms are crossed and her entire posture screams _stay away._ He swallows against the lump of fear in his throat and sits down next to her. He thinks he should say something, but he doesn't know where to start. It doesn't help that they have made love in this very place. They sit silently for a while, but he can hear when she is about to break the silence. She sighs her "this is ridiculous" sigh. And he thinks that it says so much that he has started naming her sighs. _

_"I never lied to you, you know." She turns her head to look at him. "Everything I told you, everything we said and did. I meant all of it." _

_He took a deep breath and briefly wished for a crisis to wake him up. "Me too. I just never thought..."_

_"That you were actually telling me?" She grinned but her eyes were sad. "Yeah, same here. I thought they were just dreams. Strange, detailed and good dreams, but just dreams."_

_"Very good dreams." John blushed when he realized what he said. He glanced over when he heard Randi snort and start laughing. He couldn't help but join in and soon they both had tears in their eyes from laughing. _

_"This really isn't very funny."_

_"No, it's not." He definitely agreed with her on that and he'd love to have a talk with whoever decided Atlantis needed human partners. "It's pretty fucked up, actually."_

_They were quiet for a while after that, each lost to their own thoughts. John was surprised to find that he was scared, terrified even, of losing what they had together. He just didn't know how to keep it from happening. He had been so open with her, and he just wasn't usually that guy, the kind that can talk about their feelings. He couldn't remember if he had ever felt this vulnerable before. _

_"Dammit, this is stupid. God, we are both so bad at this!" _

_John barked out a short laugh. "I... I suck at feelings. Well,... not at having them, just at... you know. Feelings."_

_"Even without your usual eloquence," and John felt a bit better hearing the sarcasm from her, "I think I actually understood that." She scrunched up her brow. "And that's a bit frightening." _

_"Oh, shut up. I'm not that bad." He could feel the look she was giving him, before he ever turned to see the raised eyebrows. "Okay, so I really suck at this."_

_"Me, too. But, I have a theory. Here's how I figure it." She drew her legs up to sit cross-legged and turned towards him, looking at the floor between them as she spoke. "The dreams felt real. Normally, I wouldn't tell anyone a lot of what I told you, but it felt... safe, I guess, telling you. So, obviously our subconscious' must trust each other. And we've both been practicing communicating with Atlantis, and obviously that's been working. And it probably helped that you keep working with your plants. And, yes, I know you talked Parrish into giving those plants to you..."_

_He sees her take a breath to ramble on. He knows she babbles when she gets nervous with someone she knows and he knows if she's nervous around strangers, then she is silent. He knows her moods, her body, her desires. And he realizes he knows a lot of the bad things, the things that he would normally be looking for in a relationship to use as an excuse to run away. He knows that she has a temper and can be a stubborn pain in the ass who always likes to be right. He knows she has a strong stomach and that she and Keller love exchanging stories of truly disgusting cases in their ER rotations and only stop when someone at the table turns green. He knows she's more of a flirt than he is. He knows that she hides how much she remembers of the Go'uld's memories because she is still afraid of what her friends, especially her current teams and SG1, would think of her. He knows that she has a cold and hard side to her, that predates the Go'uld and reminds him uncomfortably of himself at times. He knows she's awful at Halo but can always take all his candy in a game of poker. He suddenly sees that, while he might have run at any of these things if they had really been dating, the dreams they have shared let him see all of it and fall in love with her anyway. Or maybe even because of those things that make him nuts. Either way, he knows he still loves her and it doesn't matter anymore that they have never even been on a real date, because he knows everything he needs to know already. _

_"Stop." She was speaking a-mile-a-minute and he had lost track of what she was trying to say, but saw that she stopped mid-sentence when he put his hand on her knee. "Stop, Randi. You're overthinking this." He cupped her cheek with his hand, gently tracing her cheekbone with his thumb. She closed her eyes and placed her hand over his. Moving forward, he waited until she opened her eyes again and met his gaze. He murmured, "This is what I want." And he kisses her. _

_Later, they are cuddled together on the ledge and she is playing with the hem of his shirt. "John, you okay?" she whispers against his chest. _

_He's not sure how to say what he wants her to know. "Yeah. Just... I..." He pulls her a little closer, as if trying to communicate everything that he doesn't know to say to her through his touch. "I can't be him, the guy from your dreams. I don't know how to be that... open with someone."_

_She started laughing, honest-to-God-laughing and John felt himself flush. He was putting himself out there and she was laughing. _

_"We've already gotten to know each other. And thank God, John, because I can't be that open either. It scares me. But for your other point... The guy in my dreams? You're the same person. The part of you in your dreams just let me get to know you better, that's all." She took a deep breath and sat up to look into his eyes. "I feel the same way about the waking you as I do the dream you. The man I pass in the corridors every day. The man who sneaks Sudoku into staff meetings and helps me torment Rodney. The man who would do anything for his team and that stands by my side and fights with me. I love him. I love you, John."_

_He felt a rush of relief so strong, it made him suck in a breath. He had shown her so much of himself and he had been terrified that she wouldn't like the 'limited version' he put on display in the real world. He pulled her close to him and just held on tight._

end of dream.

They had an unspoken agreement to keep their relationship, or relationships, since they really had two different ones, going on as before. Since they couldn't bring their romantic relationship into the waking world, and avoiding each other didn't work well, they opted for pretending everything was normal. And if it led to some mutual headaches when they caught each other's eyes at lunch, well, that was the price they were being forced to pay.

John had just about accepted the fact that he would live with a permanent low-grade headache for as long as this situation continued. But then he overheard Zelenka and Randi talking. He had been working on some reports in the mess, sitting behind a high divider so he wouldn't be disturbed. He heard people sit down at the table on the other side of the divider, but decided to ignore them, just glad they weren't interrupting him. He was actually getting close to catching up to Lorne on his paperwork, although he thought his 2IC should cut him some slack since he had performance evals to do and those took forever. Woolsey was even more particular about detailed evals for each person than Elizabeth had been.

John's ears perked up when he heard Zelenka ask Randi how her day was. He half-listened as they chatted about inconsequential things. He didn't really feel guilty for eavesdropping, especially since some of the conversation was in Czech. Randi was getting better at her pronunciation, if the lack of laughter by Zelenka was anything to go by, but he still corrected her occasionally. This was the type of easy conversation he would like to have with Randi again. Without the mutual headaches that being close to each other, while wanting to be closer, seemed to generate.

"Randi, is everything alright?"

John leaned a bit closer to hear more clearly. If something was wrong, he wanted to know about it.

"No, why do you ask?"

Zelenka sighed, sounding like he was disappointed. "You seem... distant. Even more so than normal. Evan has noticed it, too."

"I just have a lot on my mind, Radek. I'm fine, really."

"It is worse when Colonel Sheppard is around." John held his breath. "You were avoiding each other till recently. Is there problem?" He was quiet for a minute. "I hope you know you can talk to me, Randi. I will tell no one, not even Evan."

"I know. And I appreciate it, I do. There's just not much to tell. I got some news recently that upset me, but it's nothing that won't be fine in time."

"And Colonel Sheppard?"

"We had bad days, took our frustration out on each other and then got over it. It's nothing. Wrong place, wrong time."

John had to give it to her. If he didn't know better, he would believe her. It was a bit scary how well she could lie.

"Ah, as we engineers like to call it-Technical difficulties."

He heard Randi choke for minute and then laugh. "Technical difficulties. Yeah, I guess that fits. Okay, as much as I appreciate you checking on me, I better get you back to the lab before Rodney tries to track me down for stealing you."

"Yes, you would think he could live without me for an afternoon, but he cannot."

As he listens to them leave, it suddenly hits him. It really is a technical difficulty. Well, an intentional difficulty. _Rodney could fix this. _He's just about to head to the lab to talk with Rodney when he realizes he should speak with Randi first. They had agreed to keep this just between them and he won't tell McKay, even if it's just to get help, without her agreement. He grins a little stupidly, proud of himself for preventing that mistake and not messing up the relationship over this.

dream...

_That night, he discusses his idea with Randi in their shared dream. _

_"John? Do you think we should just wait? I mean, what if something happens and we need to do that bonding thing to save Atlantis?"_

_"I think we can still bond, I just want to be able to be with you in the meantime. We'll tell McKay not to take the system off-line, just to work around that one little problem. If it can't be done, then... at least we would have tried." _

_"Is Rodney the only one we would tell?" _

_"Yeah, just him. I don't think we'd need to tell anyone else. I know we were both worried about becoming lab rats for the IOA, but Rodney won't turn us in."_

_She's quiet for a minute. "Okay, we can talk to him tomorrow. But, he's going to laugh."_

_"He won't laugh. He'll want to help us." _

end of dream.

It takes some work and a bribe of good coffee, but they finally convince Rodney to leave his lab and take a walk with them. They both listen to him babble about work in the labs and the incompetence of his minions. He finally notices their lack of participation in the conversation when they stop him outside the Pillar Room, as John and Randi have started calling it.

"What's going on? Where are we? Has this place been cleared? Oh, my God! You found a machine that's going to kill us all if I don't fix it in the next 20 minutes, didn't you? What did you touch, Gene Boy? Hmm?"

"Relax, McKay. No imminent death." Randi mumbled "he's going to laugh" just loud enough that John could hear her.

John looked at Rodney, standing in the hallway with his arms crossed and looking like he expected big news. John certainly had big news to share, but he didn't know where to start. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the floor. _How do you tell your best friend that you've been dream-dating a team member and fell in love but can't be together because your brains are linked with an Ancient city in what amounts to a mental threeway?_

"Here's the deal, McKay. John and I have been sharing dreams, interacting in our dreams even. We recently realized that and determined it's being caused by the machine in this room. It's linked us because it thinks that Atlantis needs humans to mind-meld with or something. We want you to see if you can shut it down so we can be together."

"Well, that's one way to tell him, Randi."

"I didn't see you speaking up."

"I was coming up with a nicer way to say it!"

"Please, this is McKay. He doesn't want nice, he wants facts," Randi shot back at him.

Rodney raised a finger in the air. "Wait. _Dreams_?"

"Seriously, I tell you our brains are linked to the city and _that's_ what you focus on?" John had to agree with her on that.

And then Rodney started laughing. Loud, hysterical laughter that had him clutching his side and gasping for air.

John is about ready to hit him, when he finally stops laughing and wipes the tears from his eyes. He suddenly freezes and then looks from Randi to John. "You're in communication with Atlantis. Like, real two-way communication."

"Well, sort of," Randi answers.

Rodney's face and voice have taken on a feverish energy. "Do you know how to build a ZPM?"

John sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yes, Rodney. We've secretly been building a ZPM and were just waiting for Christmas to give it to you."

"Oh, ha, ha. It was a valid question." His disappointment faded fast and he smiled indulgently at them. "Huh."

"What?" John was starting to lose patience. Not to mention talking about this was causing his headache to worsen. He looked at Randi, and saw the clench of her jaw and realized she was having the same problem.

"You said _we_. _We'd_ give you a gift. You never say stuff like that. And Randi said _together_." He narrowed his eyes and started at John for a minute. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "Holy shit! You're dating! In your dreams!" He started laughing again.

John heard Randi sigh. He looked up to see her staring at him with an annoyed expression on her face. "John, I know he's your best friend, but I'm going to kill him."

"Get in line."

"Okay, wait, wait. Sorry." Rodney wiped his eyes again. "Why do you want to end this? The sex can continue while you sleep!" His backed up a step when he saw John. John knew he looked like he was about to hit him.

Randi was calmer and able to explain without the use of a fist. "_Continue_ isn't the right word, Rodney. We're not allowed to touch... to be together, outside our dreams."

John allowed his face to slip back into the casual mask he usually wore. But, Rodney stared at him and seemed to see something there anyway and he finally got serious. "Wow. That sucks."

John snorted. "Ya think?"

"Hey! Don't take it out on me just because you're sexually frustrated, Colonel!"

"_Rodney_..." John tried to look as threatening as possible, but he's beginning to think McKay has become immune.

"Yes, yes. I'll look at it." He pointed at John, "But you had better be in a better mood after you have sex. Now, tell me what you know about the system. And I'm going to need coffee. Lots of coffee."

_let me know what you think! _


	9. Chapter 9

chapter note-In ancient Egypt, the goddess Sekhmet was consort to the god Ptah. They had a son, Nefertum. The three of them formed the Memphis Triad, named because their main center of worship was in the city of Memphis.

**Chapter 9**

John grabs a six-pack of beer from the stash hidden in his quarters and stops by Rodney's lab to drag him to the pier. He's tired, but doesn't feel like muddling through the usual Wraith and Replicator-infested dreams he tends to have until Randi's Go'uld-enhanced energy level finally allows her to fall asleep.

They're each well into their second beers when Rodney finally turns from gossiping about the new arrivals from the _Daedalus_. "Sheppard, I'm sorry I couldn't get it to work."

John thinks about the weeks that Rodney worked in the Pillar Room in his spare time and the times that John and Randi tried to experiment on the mainland and off-world, only to find the physical pain was still present. They did learn something interesting, or at least Randi and Rodney found it interesting. It mostly just pissed John off. The pain, and the dreams, are not so intense without the presence of Atlantis. When they are off-world, their dreams seem fragile somehow. But the damn pain is still too much when they try to touch.

It took them a little while to get back to the truly comfortable place they had been at before, but now it was better than ever. John could look at her in a staff meeting and know that she remembered last night's dream, laying in his arms, whispering to each other. They also found, that with focus, they could send each other feelings. John could project to her, making her pick up on his happiness, anxiety or desire. It was strange at first, but he has started to enjoy the feelings she sends to him as well.

The good thing is, now that they know they are dreaming, Randi had the idea that they can manipulate the dreams, making just about anything possible. They went skiing down a steep slope of snow that just appeared against the central spire and went diving, without the need for suits or oxygen tanks, in the deep waters around the city. Just last night, she surprised him with a jumper ride to outside the atmosphere. He was surprised when she opened the jumper door, in the vacuum of space, but the surprise gave way to desire when she whispered in his ear "have you ever thought about doing it in zero grav?" John smiled at the memory and ignored Rodney's questioning look.

"I know how hard you tried. Thanks, buddy." He knows Rodney found a way to disable the machine, but it would require pulling the ZPM and leaving it out. That was something they could not afford to do. John tried asking Atlantis, but the city steadfastly refused to assist them in trying to disable or reprogram the machine.

As much support as Rodney has given John recently, he also hasn't stopped teasing him, until tonight. "You really love her, don't you?"

John stills and then realizes that Rodney deserves the truth, not some diversionary conversation tactic. "Yeah, I really do."

"I'm happy for you." Rodney grabs for his third beer. "You're difficult, you know. I wasn't sure I'd ever see you find someone. You're too... difficult."

"This coming from you, McKay?"

"What? Oh, you know what I mean. You close yourself off. Me? I am as open as the ocean." Rodney swept his arm out over the water, a little clumsily and John sneaks a glance to try and see what alcohol proof is in the beer, but it's too dark to see. He shakes his head. Rodney sometimes gets mushy when he drinks. "I alienate people, but I'm open. You?" He pointed at John. "You are the charmer. You charm people, but they never know what you're really thinking. Do you know how lucky you are? Really, let's face it. If left on your own, you would have charmed Randi and eventually become friends, but you wouldn't have let it gotten past that. You're lucky you got to know her like this."

"I know." As much as he hates to admit it, he knows Rodney is right. Proving his point, he turns the conversation to more comfortable subjects, like other people.

Eventually, Randi shows up, grabs a beer and sits on other side of Rodney. They chat for a while and after Rodney is steady enough to make it to his quarters, he leaves and she and John sit together for a while.

He doesn't plan to say it, he just blurts out "I want a picture of you. To put in my quarters." Apparently, it was the right thing to say, because she gets a shy smile on her face.

"Okay, but I want one of you, too."

He smiled back at her. "I'm tired." He stood and offered his hand. Pulling her up, he gave her hand a squeeze before the pain in his head made him let go. They walked towards their quarters in a comfortable silence.

They have developed a ritual and, even though they were just out on the pier, neither one wants to skip a night. They go into their separate quarters and get ready for bed. Like always, he's ready first and he waits for her at the corner of his balcony, which ends just a few feet beyond hers. When she comes out, she's wearing one of his old black t-shirts that he left for her on the balcony one night. She knows he loves seeing her in it. They talk quietly, about their day, about their plans for tomorrow, about whatever comes to mind. Except for their relationship, their feelings for each other, their dreams. Those things cannot be discussed outside of their dreams, not without pain anyway. Eventually, he yawns and she smiles at him. "Sweet dreams, John." He watches her walk inside before he heads to bed, hoping sleep will claim him quickly.

Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx

John and Atlantis both feel the loss of Randi. John's desperation to find her, to do something, _anything_, is echoed in the fevered pitch of the city's hum. It's been nearly 36 hours since she and Lorne vanished during a routine survey mission of a new world. Zelenka and Cpl Jenkins had radioed in, saying they had lost contact with Randi and Lorne, who had scouted ahead. Both insisted on staying on the planet to assist in the search. There was no sign of civilization and no sign of Wraith. They could not be raised on the radio.

John had come back to Atlantis at the insistence of Woolsey, who wanted an in-person report and had just tried to order John to rest. _Like that's going to happen._ He had run to the armory and storage areas for some rock climbing equipment, in case it was needed. They had found a few caves near where Lorne last reported their location. He was jogging back to the control room when he nearly ran over Dr. Parrish.

"Colonel!" Parrish jumped back, looking worried and nervous. "I'm sorry. I should have been there."

John cut him off, not having time for the botanist's guilt trip. "It's not your fault, Doc. If you had gone, we'd just be looking for you instead." Parrish had been slated to be the fourth person on Lorne's team, but had begged off at the last minute after another botanist had run into the gateroom chattering away about some exciting discovery of a flower that only blooms once a year. Randi, who had been chatting with Radek, shrugged and offered to go instead. The gate was already open and she geared up and rushed through quickly, not bothering to 'read the gate.' _When she gets back, that's going to become SOP. No going through the gate without her reading it first. _ He refused to think _if _she came back. "We'll find them, Doc." He tried to project an air of confidence.

Six hours later, he was sweaty, dirty and exhausted. Ronon had found footprints in the few places that weren't rocky, that showed they had ventured towards the caves. An extensive search was done, but there was no sign of them to be found in the small rock formations. John looked around at his people and knew he should order them to rest. As much as he hated to take a break, he knew people would start making mistakes, or get injured or lost themselves, without sleep. As if proving his thoughts correct, he heard Rodney start in on Radek.

"You need to rest, Radek." Rodney was being uncharacteristically gentle, keeping his voice soft and pulling the life sign detector out of Radek's hand. His reflexes slowed by fatigue, Zelenka made a futile grab for the device, cursing Rodney in Czech when he stumbled. "Radek, go get some rest. Now. I promise to wake you if we find anything."

"No! I am fine. Give that back and let me work, you vile bastard." Generally, John found their arguments and name-calling entertaining, but Radek really did look ready to collapse. His glasses were crooked, his hair even wilder than normal and his hands were shaking. His two best friends were missing and he was taking it hard.

"Look at yourself, Zelenka! You can barely stand. You're no good to them like this. Now go get some slee-"

"_I cannot find them while I am sleeping!_" Radek stepped up to Rodney and was yelling.

John stepped up to intervene and decided then that everyone needed a break before they started killing each other. But Rodney turned to him with that look, the wide-eyed and open-mouthed one that said he just had a brilliant idea and he's shocked that he didn't think of it earlier. Despite his best efforts, John's hopes began to flare again. "Rodney?" Radek used McKay's distraction to grab the LSD back and was mumbling to himself in his native tongue.

"You need to go to sleep, Sheppard."

John tried to stifle his anger at Rodney's statement, but some of it bled through anyway. "That's it? That's your big idea? That we _nap_?"

"Not _we_. _You_." Rodney rushed to the DHD and started to dial Atlantis. "You can go back to Atlantis and sleep. You can communicate with her when you sleep. It's perfect! You can just ask her where they are!"

John noticed Teyla and Ronon's eyes turning to stare at him. Luckily, everyone else was far enough away that they could not hear what Rodney had just blurted out. Radek stepped in front of him. "Is this true, Colonel? You can speak to her?" He knew Radek would not be so accepting of McKay's statements if he wasn't dead on his feet.

John hated to kill the hope he saw in the other man's eyes, but it wasn't that easy and he said so. "It doesn't work like that. We have to be on the same planet. And without Atlantis there, it's a weak version of the communication we have while in Atlantis." He looked to Rodney and finally admitted, "I already tried. When I first got here, I snuck a catnap, but I couldn't reach her."

Rodney didn't seem bothered by this. He activated his radio and asked for Keller to get on the comm on the other side of the wormhole. "Jennifer, I'm sending Col Sheppard through. He needs to be sedated, but not so much that he can't dream and can't wake himself when he's ready. The wormhole needs to be active while he's dreaming, so just keep dialing in until he gets something." He turned to John. "There's no reason that, with Atlantis supporting you, you shouldn't be able to hear her. It may not be as easy as it is on Atlantis, but since you can communicate with her without Atlantis, even a little bit..."

"I'll try it." John hates leaving, but knows he can reach out and search for her much more clearly if he is connected to his city. He's desperate to try anything. He puts a hand on Rodney's shoulder and squeezes. "Thanks, buddy."

"Radio as soon as you know where she is."

Getting set up in Atlantis took a bit longer than he wanted, as both Woolsey and Keller demanded an explanation for why John wanted to be drugged and asleep right next to the stargate, with an open wormhole. He gave them the bare-bones version. Neither one was happy at having been kept in the dark, but he didn't feel any guilt for leaving out just how close he and Randi had become. As far as John was concerned, it was nobody else's business.

Finally, they had an infirmary bed next to the gate, off to the side to avoid the splash of the opening wormhole. Keller had him hooked up to monitor his brain waves and vitals. He could understand the vitals, since she was going to drug him, but he thought the EEG was just curiosity on her part. A nurse started the IV line, as Keller readied the sedative. "You should try to just sleep on your own, Colonel. It would be safer."

"I'm too wound up. Just give me the drug when I say." He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the stares of everyone gathered in the control room and reached out to Atlantis. He could feel her worry and tried to sooth her by explaining the idea. _I need you to help me. Help me reach her, where ever she is. Please._ He heard Chuck call to Woolsey, telling him there was an unexpected boost of power being directed to the gateroom and the gate itself. Atlantis began to thrum through his veins. _Thank you._ "Ready, Doc." Whatever she gave him worked quickly. He felt the relaxation claim his muscles and his thoughts began to get muddy, tangled in themselves. Just as suddenly, he felt Atlantis reach to him, humming deeply and his thoughts were clear again. He slipped into the dream seamlessly.

dreaming...

_He was standing in front of the open gate. Stepping forward, he felt a pull on his waist. Looking down, he saw a tether, tied around his waist, the other end snaking into the control console that had raised from the floor the first time he met Randi. Touching the cord, he could hear Atlantis. He could feel his connection to her, stronger than before and he carried it with him as he stepped through the event horizon. On the other side, the planet was empty, the searchers and their equipment not present in the dream. He began walking towards the last place Lorne reported their location. He knelt on the stone, warm through his BDUs. Closing his eyes, he reached out with his mind, calling for her._

_"Randi? Randi, can you hear me?" He listened, but could hear nothing. He could feel Atlantis amplify the humming more, and knew she was calling for her, too. "Come on, baby, where are you?" Some part of his brain told him that she might be awake and therefore not able to respond to a dream she couldn't know was happening. But the rest of him, and Atlantis, just _knew_ she was here. He could sense her, even if he couldn't find her. He continued to listen and began walking in ever-increasing circles around the rock formations, looking for any signs of his lost friends in the dream-world. _

_He had no way of knowing how long it had been, but he was growing more desperate. He had begun calling her name repeatedly. It was finally Atlantis that alerted him to her presence. He heard the city's sudden alarm. He turned and Randi was standing a few meters from him, eyes wild and panicked. She was wearing a gold gown with what looked like blood on it. He rushed to her, but she pushed him away. "No! You can't go down there! You can't see, John. I don't want you to see." _

_John didn't know what was wrong, but he decided not to push his luck. Atlantis was telling him that Randi was injured and that it was affecting the dream. He reached out a hand, palm up, and gave her a soft smile. "It's okay. I don't need to see. I just want to know where you are." He spoke softly, like he would to a scared child. He could see her arguing with herself and he was about to speak again, when he saw her stiffen and he heard her screaming. But it wasn't her. It sounded like her, but the Randi in front of him was silent. His words were more urgent this time. "Randi, what's going on? Tell me where you are, please."_

_"No... she's going to do it again. I can't stop her, but I can keep you safe." She turned to leave, but John dove for her, tackling her and pinning her to the ground, determined not to let her escape before he learned her location. _

_She struggled against him and he briefly wondered at how badly she is injured, because she has nowhere near the strength that she normally does, even in dreams. Luckily, he knew her well enough to know what would get her talking. He hoped, anyway. _

_"Randi! Listen to me. Lorne is lost. We can't find Evan and we're worried." He could see her consider this. The wild look in her eyes started to clear and he continued. "If we don't find him soon, he could die. Please, tell me where Evan is."_

_She began fighting again, but not with him. She was yelling incomprehensibly at something behind him. Atlantis shouted a warning and he turned his head to see another Randi, this one with glowing eyes radiating the hatred of a Go'uld. Randi, his Randi, slipped from his grasp and ran, grabbing the tether as she went. The Go'uld growled and followed her. _

_The tether starting pulling him down to the ground, until he saw it. There was a hole, hidden at the base of some brush. It was on the side of a boulder that was painted with various symbols, obviously old. It was something both Randi and Lorne, as an artist, would have gone to take a closer look at. Looking down, all he could see was a strange orange light, like firelight. He stepped into the hole and found himself falling down a tunnel. _

_When he landed, he was in the bridge of a ship. An ostentatious ship, with gold walls that reflected the light of the torches hanging on their surfaces. Outside the viewing window, he could see Lorne and... himself. He turned his attention back to the bridge and saw Randi arguing with the Go'uld version of herself. She had tears on her face and was clearly begging for their lives, but John couldn't make out the individual words. Everything sounded muffled. A moment later, the Go'uld touched a console, Randi screamed and John watched as he and Lorne were incinerated. _

_end of dream_

He sat up, reaching for his radio as he told Keller to get him unhooked from the tangle of wires. She worked quickly as he spoke. "Ronon, get the climbing equipment ready. I'll be there in ten minutes." With that, he walked through the open wormhole and started filling McKay in as soon as he reached the other side and began walking towards the rock formations.

John insisted on being the one to investigate the hole they found by the boulder. They called down, but if anything was yelled back, it was too hard to hear. They could hear water flowing and John hoped the sound was just drowning out any others. He situated himself in the harness and checked his carabiner and line. He was slowly lowered down.

At the other end, was darkness. But, he could hear. The sound of falling water. Lorne's voice, trying to comfort Randi. And he heard Randi, softly calling out in her sleep, "John, John."

"Major?" He called out to Lorne.

"Colonel? Oh, thank God." John could hear the relief in his XO's voice. "I'm not sure exactly where we are, our torch was crushed in the fall."

He didn't sound far away, but it was hard to tell with the echoes that were bouncing off the walls. "Cover your eyes, Major. I'm going to turn on a light." It was darker than midnight and he knew that Lorne's eyes would burn if suddenly exposed to light again.

He flipped on his torch and swung it in a slow arc. The light glistened on the small waterfall that was crashing down one of the walls and flowing out through a hole in the floor. The beam of light finally illuminated the people he had spent two days searching for and his heart leapt into his throat. Lorne was sitting cross-legged, covered in dirt and blood, with several scrapes visible on his face. Randi's head was in his lap, heavily and messily bandaged. One of her arms was bent at an unnatural angle. Lorne had one hand covering his eyes and one covering Randi's. John moved to them and activated a few glow sticks around the area. He turned off the light then. "Lorne, there are just glowsticks now, so you should be able to uncover your eyes."

Lorne put his hand down and opened his eyes a fraction, blinking them rapidly. "Don't take this the wrong way, Sir, but you sure are a sight for sore eyes."

"I bet you say that to every CO that rescues your ass." Any reply Lorne was going to make was cut off when Randi began speaking again.

"John! John, Evan... I'm sorry..." She sounded so sad, John couldn't help but reach for her. He brushed his knuckles against her cheek and then cupped it softly with his hand.

He looked up to find his XO staring at him. He pushed away his concern and focused on the rescue. "Report, Major."

Lorne didn't miss a beat, immediately swinging from watching his CO's tenderness to giving a succinct report. "We scouted ahead and I noticed the paintings on the boulders. When we stepped up to investigate, the ground gave way. I fell first and Randi went to grab for me, but she slid in past me. She must have landed on her arm and she hit her head when she fell. She's been in and out since the fall, but lost consciousness completely about four hours ago. She told me she had a spinal injury that Sekhmet stabilized, but her head was bleeding and her arm is broken. She has a skull fracture and internal bleeding. I don't know how the Go'uld decides what to fix first, but it's let infection set in. She's been burning up for the last hour." He grimaced as he took in the bandaging on her head. "I'm sorry, Sir. Without the light, treating her was difficult. I should-"

Knowing his XOs penchant for self-imposed guilt trips, he cut him off. "You did good, Major. You kept her alive. Now help me get her home. Are you injured?" He looked over the man, but it was hard to see well by the pale green light.

"Just scrapes and bruises, Sir. Nothing a shower won't fix."

John handed him a power bar and some water and ordered him to have it gone by the time he got back. Returning to the base of the hole, he tugged twice on the rope. The pre-arranged signal resulted in a medic and a field stretcher being lowered down. John knew that Rodney was now calling for a jumper as well. The medic quickly assessed Randi and determined that she needed IV fluids, antibiotics and surgery. He decided that getting her more comprehensive care quickly was better than wasting an hour pumping fluids and antibiotics into her before getting her out of the ground. They strapped her securely to the stretcher. Lorne tried to argue with him, but John ordered him to go up first. The medic followed and started getting the meds lined up that he wanted to infuse Randi with on the way back in the jumper. They ran a second line down so John could be pulled up at the same time as Randi, just a little below her, so he could help guide the stretcher. It was slow going and by the end, his arms were shaking with the effort it took to keep himself and the stretcher above him steady.

He sat next to Lorne and Zelenka in the back of the jumper, not even caring who was flying. He held Randi's uninjured hand, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. For once, it didn't give him a headache.

Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx XxxxxxX

Two days later, he was smiling as he pulled on his boots. Randi had healed quickly, with the help of her symbiote, after Keller did surgery to stop the bleeding, set the arm and relieve pressure on her brain from swelling. He was heading to the infirmary to join her and Lorne for breakfast. If all goes well with this morning's exam by Keller, she could be released. He frowned when his door chimed. He didn't want to be late. "Come in," he called, smiling again when the door opened to reveal his XO. "I'm almost ready. Thanks for coming to get me."

Lorne stepped all the way in and didn't return the smile. "That's not why I stopped by, Sir." He looked at the floor and then back at John, determination written on his face. "Permission to speak freely, Sir?"

"Granted. What's on your mind, Lorne?" He stood up, feeling like he was on uneven ground sitting in front of the man who was glaring at him.

"When I got out of the infirmary yesterday, I started hearing talk about how you found us. Is it true?" John nodded and watched Lorne carefully. The Major took a deep breath. "I told you not to hurt her."

John swung his eyes to meet Lorne's. "What are you talking about? I didn't hurt her. I found-"

Lorne's voice was calm but his words were clipped. "You talked to McKay. You told him what was going on. You had his support. But she wasn't allowed to tell anyone. She had no one to talk to about this! Do you think that didn't hurt her?"

_Shit_. John rubbed the back of his neck and sat down. "I didn't mean... When I suggested we tell McKay, it was to see if he could help us." He stood again and looked Lorne in the eyes. "Having Rodney know was helpful to me. I should have thought about..." He grimaced and looked out the window. He hates this, talking about this stuff, even with Randi and his team. "I'm not good at this, Lorne. You don't need permission to speak freely to me about this. If I... If I screw up again with Randi, let me know. I want... I want to do this right." He mumbled the last part and felt himself flush. When he finally looked up, Lorne was studying him, but his eyes were kind again and he grinned.

"No problem, Sir. I can definitely let you know when you screw up."

John walked to the door. "I have no doubt, Major. I'm just glad you're not a girl. At least you'll be direct with me."

They walked to the infirmary, chatting idly about when Lorne would be cleared for duty again and John tried not to think about how strange it was going to be, knowing that Randi was discussing their relationship with his XO. When they stepped behind the curtain and she looked up, she studied them briefly before breaking into a huge smile. John knows that she knows he and Lorne have talked and managed to not hurt each other. For his part, he's just happy to see her look so happy.

Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx

The next few nights in their dreams, John was happy to just hold Randi and cuddle. Eventually, she got suspicious.

dreaming...

_"Okay, what's going on with you?" She was propped on her elbow, at his side, looking down at him and trailing her fingers up and down his bare chest. His arm was wrapped behind her, his fingers playing with her hair. _

_"What do you mean?" _

_"I mean... ever since I got back, you've been acting different. You've been all cuddly and touchy-feely. And when we're awake, you're always looking at me... like you're watching for something." _

_"You don't want me to be cuddly?" He waggled his eyebrows at her._

_"That's not the point and don't think you're getting out of this conversation, mister." She poked him in the chest. _

_John shrugged. "I almost lost you. I just want to make sure you're still here."_

_He glanced at Randi to find her watching him closely. "No. No, if that were the real reason, you wouldn't have admitted it so quickly. There's something else." He sighed and opened his mouth to deny it. "Uh-uh, there's something else going on. I know you."_

_Something inside him snapped then, something he didn't even realize he was holding back. "Do you?" _

_"What?" She looked confused, and a little wary. "After all this," Randi gestured around their dream-quarters, "I think I do."_

_John nodded his head. She was right, she did know him. "Do I know you?" He whispered the words and he felt Randi still next to him._

_"John, where is this coming from? What's going on?" _

_He met her eyes and he saw fear there, warring with confusion and not a little irritation. "When you... how much do you remember about the dream I found you in when you and Lorne were missing?" _

_"Nothing. I barely remember anything after the first day we were down there."_

_He told her what he saw in the dream, from the time he first saw her on the rocks to when he saw himself and Lorne incinerated. By the end, she was pale and shaking. "You said she was going to do it again. What were you talking about?"_

_She shook her head and backed away from him. "Nothing. It was a dream. A nightmare from a concussion. That's all. Forget about it."_

_"Bullshit!" John sat up and followed her across the room, where she was heading for the door. He blocked her path. "That meant something to you. It was powerful and terrifying and it still haunts you. I know." She tried to deny it again, but he cut her off. "I know, because I've heard those words before. The Go'uld was saying something, I don't know what, but I've heard it before. I hear it here, in _our_ place, our dream world! And you get this look, baby." He reached out for her but she flinched back. He spoke more quietly. "This look like you're being hunted." He stepped closer and ran his index finger down her cheek. "Please, don't hide from me anymore. Talk to me. Tell me what's happening. Let me help you." _

_She closed her eyes for a moment and leaned into his touch. His heart sank when she shook her head and stepped around him, disappearing at the threshold of their door. _

end of dream.

He woke suddenly and gave a silent thanks to Atlantis for pushing him out of the dream after Randi. He didn't bother with shoes, just stormed out of his quarters and to her door, not caring if anyone saw him in his boxers and t-shirt. He rang the bell and Atlantis tried to open the door for him, but she seemed to be fighting herself. He knew Randi was on the other side, asking the city to keep the door closed. He tapped his radio. "Dammit, Baxter, open up this damn door or I will start yelling and I don't care who I wake up!" The door didn't open, but when he tried asking Atlantis again, there was no resistance this time.

He heard water running and stomped to the bathroom. Randi was bent over the sink, splashing cold water on her face. He could smell vomit. John felt his anger start to slip away and worry replace it. He handed her a towel and helped her to her small couch. Sitting beside her, he rubbed small circles on her back until she eventually leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes.

"You know me, John. Don't think for a minute that you don't." She took a deep breath and John could see she was trying to stay in control. "I'm holding back this one thing from you, John. Just one thing, and I need you to trust me on this. I can't tell you."

"You can. I can help you. I want to help you."

She smiled bitterly. "There's no helping me with this. I don't want you to... to look at me the way I look at myself. I never want to see that in your eyes when you look at me."

_Oh, God. _ "Randi." He wrapped his arms around her and Atlantis hummed a lower cadence and allowed them this comfort, without pain. "I don't know what's going on, but I can promise you that it won't change the way I feel about you." But Randi would only shake her head and he couldn't get any more out of her. Eventually, she fell asleep, but John couldn't. She woke to the sound of Lt Abrahmson calling for John on the radio. She told him to go, that she'd be fine. He knew she would be. Obviously, whatever was happening was not new for her, but it still pained him to leave her. He called Lorne and asked him to check on her at dawn. As much as it pains him to call him, he knows that Randi needs to talk to someone about whatever she's holding back. _If she won't talk to me, maybe she'll talk to Evan. _

Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx

He never asked Lorne if Randi spoke with him about what was bothering her. Part of him knew that if Randi didn't want John to know, then there was no way that Lorne would tell him. Another part of him was sure that she didn't tell Lorne. Whatever was haunting her, she had no desire to discuss it with anyone. It drove him to see Kieren again.

This time, Jothara refused to leave, instead voicing her displeasure with Randi when John explained, in vague terms, what was happening.

"She has the right to keep secrets." John felt the need to jump to her defense. "Everyone has secrets."

"Not Keepers. Not from each other."

"That's ridiculous! No one gives up all of themselves like that."

John closed his eyes and rubbed his hands over his face, missing the look that Kieren and Jothara exchanged. "John," Kieren spoke softly, "are you keeping something from Miranda?" He raised his hand to stop John's denial. "You must understand that Keepers can have no secrets. Nothing significant anyway. Your consciousness' will be joined with Atlantis. Have you operated the Chair?" At John's nod, he continued, "Then you understand the need for focus, for control in order to communicate with Atlantis. Now imagine that, multiplied by a more intense experience and another mind's presence. You will be distracted by Miranda's secrets. She will be distracted by your secrets. The Keepers are only called upon in times of great need. If you cannot perform the Joining, Atlantis could fall."

"I can't force her to tell me anything."

"No, but you can demonstrate your acceptance of her by telling her what you are hiding." John was surprised that the soft suggestion came from Jothara. She and Kieren disappeared, leaving John to wander Atlantis, lost in his thoughts.

Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx

John, Woolsey and Rodney stood in front of the viewscreen in the control room during the weekly databurst. General Landry, as usual, was direct. "Where is Baxter?"

"General, she just returned from off-world with Major Lorne's team. She is still in the infirmary for her post-mission check. Should I call for her?"

"No, Mr. Woolsey, but tell her to get packed after her physical is done. She's being recalled."

_No! _ John felt his heart leap into his throat. "Sir-"

"Don't worry, Colonel. It's temporary. We have a situation for which she is uniquely qualified. We need her to leave for Midway today. Details have been sent to the Atlantis senior staff. Mr. Woolsey, you are to provide Baxter with whatever resources she requests for this mission. SGC out."

That led to an emergency senior staff meeting, with John's team, Woolsey, Zelenka and Lorne. Rodney turned his laptop to face the group and pressed play on the video file they received. It was date-stamped from early this morning, Earth time. On it, was a tired looking Daniel Jackson.

Jackson began, "About six hours ago, the SGC was contacted by Sulot, the former First Prime to Sekhmet. He requested our assistance. He received a communique that was addressed to Sekhmet. I was able to translate most of it, but there a couple of words here that I need Randi's help with. Teal'c couldn't identify them either."

On-screen, he adjusted his glasses and began to read. "_My Lord Sekhmet, it has been far too long since I have last had the enjoyment of your company. We have much to discuss. With the recent changes in the power structure in this galaxy, there lies many possibilities for those willing to travel outside our previous boundaries. As the last remaining System Lord of the Old Order, I believe you will be most interested in my proposal. I recall how ruthless and inventive you can be when presented with new opportunities. We will meet at coordinates that will be forwarded to you soon. We will each bring one ship and our First Prime. Guards are allowed to stay on your vessel, but will not be allowed in the meeting place. I will be watching and if more than your one vessel is detected, you will lose not only this opportunity, but also your territories and, very likely, your life. I do hope you are looking forward to seeing your Dulchan as much as I look forward to seeing you, dear Dulcha."_

John had kept one eye on Randi, and noticed her eyes widen during the last sentence. He turned back to watch Jackson as he continued to explain his analysis of the communique. "Obviously, this is a Go'uld that knew Sekhmet. I am hoping that Randi can identify the writer. As I said before, I cannot come up with a translation for _Dulchan_ and _Dulcha_. When Sulot returned to Memphis after returning Randi to us, the provincial government he set up decided that, for the first few years of their freedom, their world would be an isolationist world. They have had no contact with anyone, outside of an occasional offering of support from the Free Jaffa. It's possible that news of Sekhmet's demise did not spread far. It's no surprise that any remaining Go'uld would want to reestablish their status, but we are extremely concerned about the comment that this Go'uld plans to travel outside previous boundaries. Since a Go'uld has already made it to Pegasus once, that is a possibility we have to consider. We contacted Sulot again, asking for his help in identifying the Go'uld and trying to stop whatever he is planning. Sulot is still dealing with the issues of setting up a new government and said he cannot leave to play the part for First Prime. He will allow the use of a ship though and said he will allow us to come to Memphis to pick up something called a Brima. Our plan is for Randi to meet with him as Sekhmet and learn his plan. We need to know if there are others involved and if he is tied to the Trust. One of us can play the part of First Prime, but it's possible that the faces of anyone on SG-1 will be recognizable to him."

When the video ended, there was silence for a moment. Randi broke it, saying softly, "It's Nefertum."

"It's a what?"

She looked back at Ronon. "Nefertum is a Go'uld that never reached System Lord status, but never stopped trying."

"Miss Baxter, are you sure of his identity?"

"Yes, Mr. Woolsey. _Dulchan_ and _Dulcha_. They are terms of endearment, used between mother and son."

There was a shocked silence. Rodney sputtered, "I thought Go'uld couldn't have kids. I mean, unless there was a human father, but then that would be a human child. Or, if the father was another host, then it was be a... whatever those kids are called that the Go'uld hunt down-"

"Sekhmet was a Queen." John saw the look of horror on Rodney's face and the dismay on Lorne's. Seeing the confusion of John, Ronon and Teyla, she continued. "Think Wraith queen. The Go'uld spawn in a similar way. Sekhmet was one of the few that did so. Thousands of years ago, she was allied with the System Lord, Ptah, who was her consort. She used her host to spawn and one of the larval Go'uld was placed in her High Priestess. She and Ptah carefully chose a host when the time came and they treated Nefertum like a son. Eventually, Sekhmet betrayed Ptah and killed him. Nefertum demanded Ptah's territories and Jaffa as his own, but Sekhmet refused. She offered him a fraction of what he wanted. He took it, but broke off from her years later. He increased his holdings and status by conquering other minor Go'uld. He was ambitious, to say the least."

Randi ran her hands over her face and sunk back in her chair in resignation. "Even though he never had direct contact with the SGC, the faces of SG-1 are well known by the Go'uld. I'd like to take Lorne with me as my First Prime."

John felt like he'd been punched in the gut. He assumed she would want him to accompany her, to back her up. Seeing the look on several other faces in the room, he knows he's not the only one surprised.

"Of course, Miss Baxter. As long as Major Lorne is agreeable." John saw Lorne nod.

"_I_ am _not_ agreeable." John leaned forward and glared at Randi, who spoke up before he could continue.

"John, Evan is far more familiar with Go'uld and Jaffa customs than you are. He speaks some of the language and knows some of their fighting technique. He can play a convincing First Prime."

"No, no, no! Wait a minute. Nefertum will know that he's not a Jaffa. And then he'll kill you both. This plan is horrible!" Rodney was looking at them with wide eyes and his don't-you-realize-you-are-doomed-to-die-because-of-your-idiocy face.

"Relax, Rodney. Sekhmet was the only System Lord to allow humans into her army alongside the Jaffa. While it would be unusual, even for her, to have a human First Prime, it will not be too surprising to Nefertum." She looked back to John. "There are 33 different meanings to the word _Kree_. Can you name any of them?"

"I learn quickly," he shot back. "We can use our connection to our advantage, if needed. And, I am scheduled to go to Earth in a month to meet with the IOA anyway." John crossed his arms and leaned back, trying to look casual, when he was really still reeling from Randi's choice of Lorne. He met Randi's eyes and sent her the feeling of _need_. He needs to go with her, he needs to be the one to have her back on this. She blinked and sighed and John knew he had won.

She stopped him outside the conference room after the meeting. He and Lorne were headed to their offices, where John would give him report, as Lorne would be in command in his absence. He watched his XO hug Randi and wish her luck. He went ahead to their offices, telling John he would meet them there.

He looked back to Randi and almost flinched from the pain in her eyes. "I know what you're thinking, John, and you're wrong. It's not a matter of trust. I wanted Lorne to come with me because," she took a deep breath and met his eyes. "Because I don't want you to see me like that. I have to act like her, talk like her and say all the horrible things she would say and I don't want you to see that!"

He took a step closer to her and gently lifted her chin when she looked down. "You are going to be playing a part, just like I am. And maybe that's why I need to be there. To help you remember that I know it's an act. I don't know. I just know that I have to be there, that I can't let you have to pretend to be her, without me at your side. If you have to go through that, then I have to be there. Can you understand that?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I can. I think I would feel the same way. Doesn't mean I have to like it though." She turned and walked towards her quarters to pack.

He called after her. "Hey, what's this Brima thing we're supposed to pick up?"

She turned back to him with a smirk. "Brima is a name. It's the name of Sekhmet's pet lioness."

_Huh. This just keeps getting weirder. _

After their mandatory 24 hours at Midway, they were standing in front of the open wormhole that would take them to the SGC.

Randi nudged his arm. When he turned to look at her, she was wearing a mischeivious smirk. "Ready to meet the family?"

John's eyes widened. _Crap_. He'd met all of SG1 and O'Niell before, but not as Randi's... boyfriend? He was pretty sure there wasn't a word for whatever their relationship is. He followed her through the event horizon, with only a beat of hesitation.

When he rematerialized at the other end of the wormhole, Randi was just ahead of him on the ramp, where Vala appeared to be doing her best to cause Randi cracked ribs from a bear hug.

"Vala, let the woman breathe already." Mitchell smirked over the women's heads at John. When Vala finally let her go, Mitchell wrapped his arms around her and swung her around, putting her down in front of Sam and Jackson.

John waited patiently, enjoying Randi's reunion with her old team, until Vala sauntered up and walked around him in a slow circle, whistling and obviously checking him out. John felt the flush rise on his face. She was definitely not subtle. She called out to Randi, "you did well, darling. He is sexy. Not like my Daniel, of course, but still _very_ nice" and John noticed _her_ Daniel roll his eyes.

After a quick medical exam, John headed to the locker room. He kept a locker there with a change of clothes and some toiletries for when he is on base. He was going to stash his bag there until he can get someone to show him through the maze of corridors to his assigned room. _Every level and corridor looks the same in this mountain. _He was just opening the locker when the door opened. He turned to see Mitchell, Daniel and Teal'c walking towards him.

Cam leaned back against a locker, crossing his arms, smile on his face and looking like he was just there to shoot the shit. John knew better. "Got your mission report on rescuing Randi and Lorne, Sheppard. Interesting stuff."

"Indeed." Teal'c looked rather amused, but there was still a glint in his eye that had John nervous.

Daniel just tilted his head, regarding him much like Rodney sometimes does, like he's a puzzle.

_Crap. _

Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx Xxxxxx

The next day, John and Randi are at the base of the ramp to the Stargate, waiting for Landry to give the order to start the dial-out to the Alpha site, where they will be doing John's training. They have 12 days until the meeting date and don't leave for Sulot's world for 8 days.

John was trying to stretch inconspicuously after his 'sparring' matches with Teal'c, Mitchell and Jackson from the night before. He was sore and aching in places best forgotten about, but he was feeling relieved that he gets to postpone meeting with the IOA. _The IOA actually made a correct decision for once. _Apparently deciding that a new Go'uld regime would be bad for Earth, they agreed to wait for John's annual report until after the mission is complete.

Randi saw him and rolled her eyes, mumbling something about macho displays and idiotic men.

Vala was whispering back and forth with Teal'c, both glancing at Mitchell on occasion. Finally, Vala nodded and straightened up. Turning to the view window in the back, she waved. "Walter, darling! Please put Muscles down for five on the shirt. I'll take five on the pants." She gave him a flirty smile and turned back to wink at John. He gave her an uneasy smile in return. He wouldn't want to admit it out loud, but Vala kind of scared him.

Jackson didn't even look up from the notes he was flipping through. "Put me down for the usual, Walter."

Sam pretended to look thoughtful, but it was easy to see she was trying not to smile. "I think I'll change my usual and go with the shirt this time." John was glancing around, trying to figure out what was going on. Mitchell had a resigned look on his face and sighed.

Randi looked at Teal'c. "How long has it been?"

Teal'c inclined his head towards her. "It has been nearly eight months since the last incident, Miranda." 

"Oh, well then he's overdue." She turned to look at the window and called to Walter, "Ten on the pants!" Walter gave a thumbs-up to show he got it.

Cam finally turned, looking indignant. "Ten? Come on guys, we have company!"

"Is it not rude to leave guests out of the entertainment, Colonel Mitchell?" The only clue that Teal'c was joking with him was the slight upturn at the corner of his lips.

"When did I become the entertainment?"

Sam smiled sweetly at Mitchell. "When the handcuffs came out."

Daniel pointed at Sam, "yep, that sounds about right."

John eyebrows shot up. "Handcuffs?" _Geez, maybe all the rumors about SG-1 are true. _

Vala gave a dramatic sigh. "You leave a naked man cuffed to a bed once, and you just never hear the end of it."

"Vala!" Mitchell was blushing furiously now.

Randi turned to John. "Cam has a talent for coming back from missions missing his clothes."

"Really," he drawled. Smirking, John turned to the window. "Walter! Put me down for five on the shirt!" Getting a thumbs-up, he turned back to find Mitchell gaping at him.

Cam hung his head. "Shoot me now."


End file.
